...to have lost my rag in a public loo?

[TheSmallClanger]

I was shopping in town yesterday while my DD and her friend were at gymnastics, and, as you do, I stopped for a wee in a department store toilet. The loo wasn't overly busy and I walked into a cubicle straight away. There were a couple of kids outside in the actual room bit, not in the cubicles, who I assumed were waiting for their mum to finish. One was a boy of about 7.
While I was in the cubicle, someone started baning on the door quite hard. I assumed it was one of the children messing around and said in my best deep, Scary Adult voice "there's someone in here". However, the banging did not stop and turned to kicking, then turned to the door flying open and me frantically pulling my knickers up. I was shocked more than anything and will admit that I shouted quite loudly at the boy - it was him and he was laughing. I didn't swear, but got pretty cross and said "don't you know how rude that is? You shouldn't try and open toilet doors like that, it's very very rude" with some extras I can't remember added on, in the same vein.
The next thing I knew, the boy's mother came charging out of a cubicle and demanded to know what's going on. I told her, probably not sounding very calm, and hse started yelling at ME not to shout at her child, he was only a little boy, he was only messing around and that I was over-reacting and obviously didn't understand kids!
TBH I just tried to get out of there as quickly as I could - I was with another child (12) who was waiting outside for me and I didn't want her to hear.
So, was I really BU? somethign tells me I wasn't!

I agree with tillystar.

Your not being serious? Your school aged child kicks open a cubicle door when someone's having a wee and you expect the person not to tell them off?

She said: "don't you know how rude that is? You shouldn't try and open toilet doors like that, it's very very rude"

What on earth would you expect her to say?

You were well within your rights to say that to him

His mother sounds like a tit!! she should have apologised to you not shouted

Little shit

Tillystar - you are mad. The Op's reaction was perfectly reasonable - she must have felt pretty panicky and shocked to have the loo door kicked in while she was sitting there with her knickers down. The boy's behaviour was awful.
My son does have SN and I would never allow him to behave like that (I normally take him in with me, though he wouldn't kick a door down - he's not strong enough, aggressive enough or coordinated enough for a start).
He does sound a very horrible child - and no wonder with a mother like that.

No I would expect the person to tell them off, of course. However, she said she came out "shouting pretty loudly" and "got pretty cross", its not what is said it is the way that it is said. Shouting and getting cross at children is not any sensible type of controlled discipline.

Why should the woman treat her with more respect than she showed her son?

I am not saying I would have reacted like the mother did or that is right, just that neither adult set a good example for this child.

Oh for goodness sake.

'there there little darling, don't kick down a door' is perhaps going to be less effective than a stranger shouting at him.

how depressing. Clip round the ear from my mother in my young day.

Tillystar, it is not the OP's job to show self-control (not that she didn't). She was imposed upon in a very unpleasant way by some unruly children. Cue stern tellings off and finger wagging by the adults involved.

I'd be pretty cross if a little shit charming young 6 year old kicked open a door whilst I was having a wee. Especially if I'd started with the 'there's someone in here'.

It wasn't the OP's job to discipline the child and teach him right from wrong for the future. It was the OP's job to talk sternly to the child (or shout, according to preference) for behaving in a very unpleasant way and the mother's job to discipline the child, grovel to the OP and be mortified.

If that had happened to me I would have shouted something along the lines of "you shouldnt do that its very rude!" as well. I dont think a calm, "I would rather you didnt do that please as I dont like it" is appropriate in that situation (knickers down, doing a wee in a public loo when the door gets kicked in). You react out of shock dont you. (And outrage!) And I rarely rarely shout at children.

He sounds like a horrible little shit. And at 6/7 yo he is old enough to know that you don't behave like that. Unless of course he is never disciplined at home which sounds to be the case.

Some parents are just too precious about their little (not such) darlings.

Tbh, I would have thought that if the child in question had SN, the mother would have made this clear to the op, but she didn't. More to the point though, I would have thought that if the child had sn which meant he could not be held responsible for his behavior it's unlikely he would have been left out there on his own for fear he might do a runner while his mum was in the loo.

"Cue stern tellings off and finger wagging by the adults involved"

I agree completely.

I am not being stepford wife, I am not talking about saying "darling please don't kick the door" or having a quiet discussion but "losing my rag" doesn't sound to me like reasonable behaviour to me - sorry!

MMJ - I agree. Why do people do this holier-than-thou routine? Is it just to make the OP feel like shit? Because I actually don't think that is very nice.
I would have shouted, as much in shock as anything else. As it happens, the OP said the boy was laughing, so he was hardly shocked or traumatised. A bit of shock and sense of shame would have been an appropriate reaction. I would like to think this child would learn something from a adult's entirely reasonable anger, but it sounds as if all this kid has learned is that he can do whatever he likes. It's an attitude that is likely to cause him immeasurable harm in future.

TMMJ - I know what you mean. When I see threads like this on MN I think I have entered some alternate universe. Its getting increasingly difficult to be anything less than 100% perfect at all times, calm, rational, organic, correct etc.

Sometimes, as human beings, we just react to pressure. That is a lesson in life that even children must learn. It's called humanity.

God, threads like this depress me a) because of the situation happening in the first place - a 7yo kicking a door open?!!! b) because of the reaction of the parents and c) because of the MNetters who always try and turn the blame round to the OP and feel sorry for the child who's been a little shit by most people's standards. No wonder this country's in a mess (I feel a right old fart saying that )

I also said "or shout according to preference".

Am I alone in thinking it's good for unruly children to be shouted by the people they are pissing off?

Seriously, I remember being shouted at by a bus conductor for much less upsetting behaviour than this. It stopped me in my tracks and I still remember it 35 years on. What's wrong with being shouted at if you are behaving like a little brat? It's not going to do you any long term damage and might give you a bit of a sense that the world doesn't adore you as much as mummy does.

I agree - better to be shouted at age 6 or 7 than punched as an adult for being offensive.

Learning that your actions can seriously piss off others isn't a bad thing to learn.

Daisy- I could forgive the 7 year old - he could just be very immature and silly- fair enough if he's 6 or 7, but the mother's reaction is inexcusable really. And that does make me depressed.

It is really extreme though - to kick the door down. My ds has special needs and will fiddle with the door while someone is in there, which I clamp down on VERY hard because I know how unnerving it is to be in there, mid-shit/wee, pants down, unable to reach the door and worrying about being exposed to the world. He'd never kick a door in! And this lad was doing it while his own mother was within earshot. I find that quite staggering.

YANBU - and if my 7 year old ever pulled a stunt like that, I'd be happy for him to get a right good bollocking from the person he has upset. Takes a village to raise a child etc.....

If I had the faintest idea that my ds was doing something like that (not that he would!) and I couldn't get to him, I would yell at him from the cubicle! (what are you doing? stop it at once!)