To think that if you are having your child baptised during a Communion service you should take your child up to be blessed?

[Klio]

I would like to make it clear that I am not expecting people who have their child baptised to attend church on a regular basis but........ in the last six weeks five of our Sunday morning Communion services have included a Baptism and in every case not a single member of the Baptismal party (about half the congregation) have gone forward for either Communion or a blessing, even the parents of the child being baptised have not taken the child forward for a blessing.

In every case the priest has made a general invitation to everyone to come forward for Communion/blessing, although I know that the importance of the blessing is explained to parents as part of the baptismal preparation course parents undertake. Also in the last baptism one of the baptismal party actually made a phone call during Communion to tell someone that "they're just doing the bread and wine thing but we'll be out of here soon"

Should people who have their child baptised during a Communion service take their child up for a blessing or AIBU?

I suggest you close your eyes and pray once you've taken Communion, rather than monitoring who else is in the queue.

It's a bit difficult to do that when you're chasing a 2yo around the church Janni

Yes. There's a lot of good things about 'the church' (for simplification I am going to lump together Anglican and Roman here) but I do find myself wondering, why can we all not just want to be good because that is the right thing? Why is it presented to us as 'a carrot'. Be good and you will be saved! I mean, if we all have everlasting life, then grand, but I am not sure there is everlasting life. But I still want to live a 'christian life', have those values, without necessarily needing a reward or a threat if that makes sense.

My grandfather was a clergyman, so I grew up with it all. Steeped in it I was really, but I didn't mind. It washes over me in a pleasant way even though I don't know if I believe if God! Does that make any sense??

I looked in to Humanism briefly, but they are so adamant that there is no God, so disdainful of people who believe (and I'm not, I respect people who can have a faith) that being a potential hypocrite in a church seems more comfortable to me than giving up on the whole thing and declaring myself an athiest! It would be less of a drama if I just knew I believed.

I've just asked dh and apparently people do go up to be blessed, and he takes ds up. He can't remember whether he did when ds was christened though, and reckons that he was pretty thoroughly blessed when he was baptised anyway. I obviously don't pay enough attention, I'm usually mentally redecorating the flat to keep from sighing with boredom at that stage.

How do you know anyway? Don't most people close their eyes and pray for a bit after they get back to their seat, rather than people watching?

cross post with Janni.

I grew up going to various free churches. Where I live now there is one Church and its a high C of E. I got my children christened there as there wasn't anywhere else (I wanted them done). In my old churches I always took communion but as the Vicar pointed out to me I couldn't take communion as I hadn't been christened/baptised ( I had been dedicated as a baby). So I got my children chistened and didn't go up.

Bran - I suppose the thing is that the Baptismal party usually takes up the front half of church so it usually makes for a moment of awkwardness when no one gets up iyswim. Also I'm alway at the back marshalling my ds so don't have time for the normal closed eyes praying kind of thing!

greenelizabeth - I don't agree with the whole carrot and stick thing. In fact my whole theory of Christianity is probably heretical to many people. But overall I have total respect for people's beliefs no matter what they are Christian or otherwise

greenelizabeth,
I think that quite a lot of churchgoers aren't sure whether they believe in God. Being agnosic is quite acceptable. People like David Jenkins, the former Bishop of Durham have had their doults about God.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/393479.stm

greenelizabeth, I know a lovely boy who is eleven years old and is severely disabled. Until the age of 8 years old he was a bright healthy little boy with everything going for him. His life was wrecked by mengentits and now he will never live independently. I find it hard to think a loving god could allow this.

I think what Kilo is objected is parents who are getting children baptised blatently showing a complete and utter lack of repect to other church goers.

The baptismal vows are that you promise to bring your children up in the christian way of life. You certainly can't force your children to be Christian you can only expose them to Christianity.

it is exactly this (unchristian imo) attitude of people sniping if you do the wrong thing that has kept me away from the church and kept my faith as a private act. surely it is a good thing that people want to bring their children to be part of the church whatever their exact motivation. Even if it is as simple as a rite of passage for them as a family.

The whole system is flawed. I mean the link between schools and church.

I genuinely wanted to go to church OCCASSIONALLY when I lived round the corner from a very good Cof E school. I know the vicar thought I was just showing my face once a month which was a little upsetting.

Parents shouldn't be placed in the position of having to be a hypocrite. Every parents first responsibility is to their child, not to their local vicar or priest.

I have moved now, and the my family is considered one of the stalwart families of the parish!! So nobody thinks i'm a hypocrite now, even though my views haven't changed!

though the phone thing is a bit much...

That is so sad Jammi that your priest is showing such a level of indifference to your decision to have your child baptised.

I'm surprised by the vicar's attitude Bronze, I know at my church if you take communion at your church then you are welcome to take communion at our church (anglo catholic cofe)

When I say my family, I mean parents and gparents.

All denominations are welcome to take communion in an anglican church.

It is very high Anglican Klio. All incense and blessings. I have to admit I got a bit freaked when we went as I started getting worried that I had actually arranaged to have my children christened as Catholics. I think I'm too used to guitars and dancing kind of churches.

I would hate to be thought of as sniping at anyone else's motivations and actions moopymoo, I suppose it is just that if you are making a commitment to baptise your child in to the Christian faith you would want to take them up for a blessing during Communion. I am sorry if I have come across as sniping in any way.

I used to go to a similar church Bronze and actually took a Catholic friend with me one Sunday and she was totally freaked out as it was far higher than anything she had ever experienced!

Reallytired, that's so sad about your friend's little boy. By the time your child gets to 8, you don't expect them to be so badly damaged by an illness.

If I had a faith, I wouldn't think that God had a reason for letting him succumb to menningitis yadda yadda. I would think it was Nature. A virus, a living organism less sophisticated than the human being, but on this earth too...... that is what is to blame. And rotten bad luck.

Maybe this view nails my colours to the mast as a non-believer ... I don't know.

True, jammi, church schools wouldn't exist as they are if the church hadn't donated the land, the building, the teachers' salaries.

I don't know what the answer is.

I think it is very difficult to have absolute faith in God and then for something to come along a floor you, like Reallytired's friend's son being so damaged by an illness. It is so very very difficult to rationalise these things, believe me I speak from experience as my sister was killed 8 years ago, and even now I'm not sure how I can reconcile it with the idea of a God ordained will....... but then again this is another kettle of fish and probably should have it's own thread

Church schools, a difficult question and I'm not sure I can even begin to offer an answer on this issue

Not hijacking - but! My DD used to attend a church school until 2 years ago and has been a member of the church choir for 3 years now.
She really enjoys the singing, attends practices and services , sings at weddings etc but finds it hard to say she'believes in God'. A good questioning attitude, in my view for a 10 yo.

But - am I right to allow her to 'take the advantages without any commitment' or is it brilliant that shes finding out about more things?

I think it is fantastic that she is questioning things and can't encourage that enough! I think you are right to allow her to "take the advantages without the commitment" and I'm sure if she wishes to take her explorations further she is in a great position to do so.

It does sound a bit odd if they are getting baptised, but perhaps they just feel awkward about it for some reason.

I am an ex-Catholic and haven't been to confession/taken communion etc for many years, but occasionally take dd to church. I did once think it would be nice to go up for a blessing and went up holding dd in my arms, but the person doing the communion (a big congregation so there are about 5 of them doing it not just the priest) thrust the wafer very insistently under my nose and looked perplexed when I refused it. I felt a terrible urge to hiss at her "Can't you see I'm not in a State of Grace?". It was all a bit embarrassing and awful, and needless to say I haven't tried it again.