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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that if 16 is not old enough to smoke or drink alcohol why is it old enough to make a baby?

91 replies

panthera · 04/07/2008 06:31

Does this reflect society's low priority on the importance of children and parenting? I have always thought that 16/17 is too young to have children. I am not arguing that under 18's make bad mothers but is it sending the wrong message to young people?

OP posts:

Freckle · 04/07/2008 06:38

At that age you can also join the armed forces and die for your country. Does seem a bit skewed, doesn't it?

geordieminx · 04/07/2008 06:46

Agree, but sadly no matter what law you introduce or what you change the age limit to, it wont stop teenagers have unprotected sex, and young girls of 12/13/14/15 becoming pregnant.

Original poster

panthera · 04/07/2008 06:58

Teenage pregnancy is I think every parents nightmare. DP says he's keeping DD(4) locked until she's 18.
Isn't the goverment discussing raising the age children have to stay at school until 18 as well? Even more childcare and financial help needed their then.

OP posts:

KnickersOnMaHead · 04/07/2008 07:02

Message withdrawn

Original poster

panthera · 04/07/2008 07:14

But should 16 be old enough to get married when you're not even allowed to sign a legal document until 18?

OP posts:

iheartginashoes · 04/07/2008 07:17

I suppose its horses for courses isnt it?

There are some very mature 15/16 year olds - but in reflection if I think of my choice of partner at 15 or 16 and how they were "the one" I'm pleased I didnt marry them

While lots of people will cope starting a family at such a young age its not ideal is it? Its not what most parents want for their kids

BouncingTurtle · 04/07/2008 07:21

I've had strong words with ds about him fathering children that he WILL be expected to take responsibility for them, no ifs or buts.
I think he took it in, he's a very observant 6mo
Actually at 16 don't you need your parents' permission to get married?
And personally I think 16 is too young to get married. Teenagers generally don't really take a long term view. However, I appreciate there are exceptions to the rule.

Hecate · 04/07/2008 07:29

I think you do BT. Or court permission if parents object.

I think the powers that be need to decide what age is 'adulthood' and bring everything into line - marriage, being able to enter into a contract, drive, have sex (unenforcable I know, but it should still be there to pass the message!), drink, smoke, etc etc. It is very confused atm.

My sister claims that she will deal with the danger of teenage pregnancy by telling her daughter that if she has sex before she is married, she will get a disease and DIIIIIIIE!

She is joking.

I think.

sfxmum · 04/07/2008 07:34

I think what bothers me is the attitude of some parents 'I have boys I don't need to worry' what a fine example of responsible parenting.

also in my day ( ) we were terrified of AIDS and the idea of no condom was almost taboo, don't see it today

grumbe grumble

mrsruffallo · 04/07/2008 07:42

Yes, I agree they should lower the legal age for smoking/ drinking alcohol

theyoungvisiter · 04/07/2008 07:45

I think 16/17 is too young to have children - but equally I don't think that making the age of consent 18 will solve anything - stats don't bear this out.

Countries that have higher legal ages of consent don't have correspondingly higher ages of kids losing their virginity, or lower rates of teenage pregnancy.

Teenage sex/pregnancy is more difficult to legislate for because, unlike alcohol, say, there is no "adult" in the situation to police. You can stop a shopkeeper selling alcohol to a child, or severely punish them if they do. You can't realistically pass a law to stop two kids having sex, and by the time you find out, police intervention is unlikely to solve anything.

Preventing teenage pregnancy is more about information and communication and less about what the law says on the age of consent. IMO raising the age of consent is more likely to drive teenagers away from their GP and sources of information, and won't help the ultimate problem.

Hecate · 04/07/2008 07:46

I agree sfx. I hear that so often and it makes me so angry. I've got 2 boys and I would worry very much. (they're still too little atm)

StealthPolarBear · 04/07/2008 07:49

I agree sfx - so having boys makes it OK for you ro have grandchildren you know nothing about - wonderful, I will look forward to that?!

theyoungvisiter · 04/07/2008 07:50

By sfxmum on Fri 04-Jul-08 07:34:17
I think what bothers me is the attitude of some parents 'I have boys I don't need to worry'

sfxmum, do you really think people have that attitude? I can only speak from my own upbringing and my instincts about my (2 yo!) DS, but my mum was far more relaxed about sex than my boyfriend's parents - I think they felt more responsible for the outcome, and more out of control in the situation. At least if some slip did occur my mum knew that I would be sensible enough to get hold of emergency contraception and adult enough to have a long think about my choices, whereas my boyfriend's parents knew that they had no such say in the matter and didn't know enough about me to predict my choices.

In terms of DS, admittedly this is a long way off, but I think I will actually worry more about him than about a daughter, partly for the same reason, and partly because to an adult the consequences are just as dire for the potential father, but to kids the connection is not as obvious. Girls (IME) are very alive to the implications that getting pregnant would have on their life and choices - for boys it's not such an issue so they are perhaps more likely to make rash choices.

sfxmum · 04/07/2008 08:00

I don't think everyone has that attitude of course,that is why I said some parents, but enough do. just look at the way it seems to be ok to go about fathering children you don't know about or intent to care about.

then you have kids growing up with a teen mum no dad around what chance do they have?
yet it all gets blamed on lone parents/ teen mums. It takes two to make a baby

there seems to be little sense that bringing up children is actually very hard work

sfxmum · 04/07/2008 08:05

there was an example in my extended family when the boy blamed the girl saying she had told him she was on the pill, they were both teens. the boys parents were having none of this nonsense and told him he had to own up to his responsibilities and that if he really wanted to make sure he was not ready to be a parent, he should have abstain from sex or should have used a condom.
He did become a responsible parent, the child is now a teen but I don't see how that would have been possible without his parents attitude

theyoungvisiter · 04/07/2008 08:05

Oh I realised you didn't mean everyone sfx! I think I was just surprised because I've never met anyone at all with that attitude. But then I did grow up in an exceeeeeedingly middle-class village where perhaps it was just assumed that the potential dad would be involved, and later go on to get a good job and contribute maintenance.

I now live in an exceedingly NOT middle-class area so it will be interesting to compare attitudes when DS goes to school.

ivykaty44 · 04/07/2008 08:11

I think that the rules and laws on what you can and can not do around the ages of 16,17 and 18 are most bizare in this country.

I can get married at 16 and die for my country but I can't vote for the person in power that can send me to war? I am to young to watch sex - yet I can legal participate in sex thats ok

Until 1929 the laws on marriage were a girl could marry at the age of 12 and a boy 14 and it was brought up to the age of 16 - with parental consent still.

It really is about time the goverment passed bills for everything to be 18.

especially if they raise the school leavers age to 18. it would be a bit daft sat in class and telloing teacher you couldn't do your homewrok as your hubby wanted his tea cooked

saltire · 04/07/2008 08:12

I too have met people who say "Oh I don't need to worry about teenage pregnancy, I have boys"

Well I have boys as well and it would certainly worry me if they told me their 14/15/16 year old girlfriend was pregnant.
Not that it oculd happen just now, seeing as they are only 10 and 8, but it might

Pruners · 04/07/2008 08:15

Message withdrawn

geordieminx · 04/07/2008 08:19

Idont think this is a debate about the rights and wrongs of underage sex... more about the hypocracy of certain age limits.

I think that we all agree there should be a more level playing field.

For example - if you earn enough you pay taxes at 16 - but you cant vote (or you couldnt when I was that age)... So he government is saying - we want your money, you have to pay for services like everyone else, we are going to tax you as an adult - but you cant have a say on how the country is run...madness

sfxmum · 04/07/2008 08:32

I don't like the idea of legislating for parenting iyswim it is devolving parental responsibility I think.
is 16 too young to be out at all hrs drinking? yes but don't see how laws will change that, surely parents need to parent properly and be responsible for their kids

cory · 04/07/2008 08:34

I think 16 is too young to have babies- but not necessarily to have sex. It is possible, you know, to have sex without making babies. Teenagers in other countries manage it.

When I grew up in Sweden 30 years ago, most of my friends were having sex by this age- my friend had moved from home (with her parents' blessing) and was living with her boyfriend. Their son was not born until about 10 years later.

The only teenage pregnancy we ever heard of (sorry I keep boring you with this tale) was that of the Baptist pastor's daughter who did an exchange year in America and came home expecting. The consensus of our little town was that this was the direct consequence of growing up in a family that did not entertain the possibility of teenagers having sex.

As for making a law about 17-year olds having sex- how are you going to enforce it? Laws that cannot be enforced are bad for the whole system, teaching people that laws can be ignored.

I don't believe in giving under-16's the vote because the vast majority of them have very little experience of responsibility.

beaniesteve · 04/07/2008 08:34

Because biology is different to the law.

cory · 04/07/2008 08:40

ivykaty44 on Fri 04-Jul-08 08:11:19

"It really is about time the goverment passed bills for everything to be 18.

especially if they raise the school leavers age to 18. it would be a bit daft sat in class and telloing teacher you couldn't do your homewrok as your hubby wanted his tea cooked"

What a bizarre way of running a marriage? "Hubby wanted his tea cooked". I wouldn't want my daughter to be in a marriage like that whatever her age.

Do you mean if you are legally married, hubby has to have his tea on his table, but if he's just her boyfriend you can do your homework. Bizarre...

Personally I wouldn't complain if they raised the marriage age to 18. But expecting young near-adults of 17 not to have boyfriends seems a bit of a lost cause to me. And bringing your daughter up not to be subservient to the demands of "hubby", whether legally married or not, is the duty of every parent who has a daughter.

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