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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that if 16 is not old enough to smoke or drink alcohol why is it old enough to make a baby?

91 replies

panthera · 04/07/2008 06:31

Does this reflect society's low priority on the importance of children and parenting? I have always thought that 16/17 is too young to have children. I am not arguing that under 18's make bad mothers but is it sending the wrong message to young people?

OP posts:
geordieminx · 04/07/2008 08:44

Cory- I know what you mean about giving 16 year ols the vote, as most probably dont have much experience of responsibilty - but do 18 year olds? I dont think it is right that you should be made to pay tax but not have a vote, or be able to join the army to fight for your country but not vote. Its just an example though.

geordieminx · 04/07/2008 08:45

I dont think Ivykaty44 meant it literally cory......

nappyaddict · 04/07/2008 08:52

At 16 you can buy alcohol with a meal, buy cigarettes, drive a motorbike, buy a lottery ticket and the more relevant ones - rent a house, get married and have a full time job. if you can have a full time job and pay taxes, i too think you should be able to vote.

HappyMummyOfOne · 04/07/2008 09:02

I've always wondered that too OP, we hear on the news of all the youngsters having babies and see stats on how we are one of the worst countries for teenage pregnancy yet they cant legally smoke, drink, sign contracts etc.

I dont think the problem re young mums lies with the legal age limit and changing it wont make any difference. It stems from the fact that they see others do the same, perhaps they saw their own mother have children earlier and the cycle continued, many see it as a career choice so that they dont have to work.

As for boys and responsibility, my DS is too young for me to talk to about this yet. However once he is old enough to understand I will ensure he knows how to practice safe sex. I will also let him know not to rely on any girl that says she is taking precautions as these can fail and girls can lie. I would like to see him in a good job and preferably married before he thinks about bringing children into the world.

Alambil · 04/07/2008 09:15

I think it should all be raised to 21 again; might help some of the issues in this society.

I had DS at 19; I didn't have a choice and I think I've coped admirably.

It wasn't my choice - if I'd have had a choice, I'd have waited until I was married (and it wouldn't have been to that bastard) but hey ho, sometimes life has a way of throwing you off course.

FAQ · 04/07/2008 09:18

I thought the legal age to buy tobacco went up to 18 end of last year??

But it's still legal to smoke it at 16

nappyaddict · 04/07/2008 09:23

also in scotland the minimum age without parental consent is 16 for marriage. if you are old to enough to get married i think you are old enough to have a baby if that's what you want. it is down to the individual if you are mature enough to have a baby but i know quite a few who actually planned to have a baby at 16. they had stable relationships and a house to live in etc.

flubdub · 04/07/2008 09:30

I got pregnant at 18. It was planned. I had my own house.
Needless to say, as soon as he was born, I didnt see his dad for dust! However, I coped perfectly on my own for 18 mnths, and now have a wondeful dp, and have bought our own house.
It isnt the end of the world when teens have babies. Obviously it isnt ideal, but its not a catastrophe.

In countries where sex ed is actually taught (not just mentioned like it is over here) in classrooms, then there teen pg rate is lower. It makes sense.
Also, it has alot to do with other girls. It sounds silly but the copy eah other. Most of the girls that we in my yr at school have children. One of them has three! Were only 22. There was a program a while ago about two 15 and 16 yr old sisters who were competing to see who could have a baby first!
Law isnt the way to go - education is.

cory · 04/07/2008 09:30

I think I was certainly an adult at 18, and that I needed the responsibility of making my own way in life.

The right to join the army at 16 is a special UK thing which is frowned on elsewhere- and I think that should be changed to 18.

But you are never going to stop young people from having sex. They couldn't in the olden days either. There were any number of illegitimate children in the Victorian era- people who think that was an age of sexual morality have not read their history books properly.

cory · 04/07/2008 09:34

Flubdub's post is very interesting. It is about modelling. People copy what other people around them do. And that must be a major reason why teen pregnancy is such a class differentiated thing. Every parent I have heard tell that their teenage daughter is pregnant has followed up with: "well, I was very young when I had her" or "well, her sister started even earlier".

scorpio1 · 04/07/2008 09:36

I was pg at 16. It's not always the horror story you think it is.

I'm now 23, married,own home, got a degree and DH works FT for himself. I now have 3dc.

We don't all fit that stereotype.

scorpio1 · 04/07/2008 09:37

Cory: not so for me, mum was 25 when she had her first, i also guess you could say my parents are very well off. I don't fit any of that.

beaniesteve · 04/07/2008 09:39

It has a lot to do with education more than anyhing - unplanned teen pregnancy.

Basically kids can get pregnant as soon as their Biology allows them to. Unfortunately their biology is sometimes more advanced than their education.

scorpio1 · 04/07/2008 09:41

Veanie - yes i agree, i knew what i was doing though...i have however met girls who were pg at the same time as me who did it to keep their partners or because they wanted something to love them.

scorpio1 · 04/07/2008 09:41

sorry 1 hand typing - Beanie

beaniesteve · 04/07/2008 09:43

My mum had her first at 18 and had three by the time she was 22! When I think about, although she was in a solid relationship, her family circumstances probably played a big part in that she was very unhappy at home and she wanted to leave. She was a great mum withthe benefit of a good partner who stood by her - still think it was hard for her though.

nappyaddict · 04/07/2008 09:45

scorpio was your eldest planned?

2shoes · 04/07/2008 09:45

yanbu
at 16 you can get married and die for your country, but you can't smok/drink/vote
bizare

MrsTiddles · 04/07/2008 09:46

Booze and cigarettes require a license, as does marriage.

Childbaring does not. I'm not saying it SHOULD, just pointing out the discrepancies!

scorpio1 · 04/07/2008 09:48

Errrm, yes and no

i have always wanted a baby, but along with other things - job house etc

i was taking the pill, got ill, took an educated risk by not using condoms and got pg. He is 6 now and fabola.

I realise that i am 'lucky' that me and dh are solid, that we are comfortable etc. the other dc were planned btw. i was 19 when i had dc2 and dd is 11 weeks.

scorpio1 · 04/07/2008 09:50

i come from a family were sex was an open subject; parents put me on pill at 14 when i starte having sex, i was the first in our whole extended family to have dc in teens...no stereotype here whatsoever. it has been fine for me; its me, i love it.

Swedes · 04/07/2008 09:53

I wouldn't personally write off all 16 year olds as being too young to have a baby. Lots of people I know had a child whilst very young and have done an extremely good job. Boys are probably less likely to be mature and ready for the challenge of fatherhood. You should be able to vote at 16 - since at 16 you receive a NI number and can get married, leave school and go into full-time employment.

madamez · 04/07/2008 09:59

So if you think the government shoud raise the age for marriage/childbirth to 18 or 21, what exactly should be done about those people who have just got married or had babies and are under the new legal age limit? Forcibly separate the couples (by means of an ASBO perhaps: that's the current favourite method of coercing people to do certain things by threatening them with imprisonment for behaviours that aren't actually illegal) and take their children into care - or have the babies adopted by those nice white middle class couples who are always whining that they are too nice, white and middle class to be allowed to adopt the babies that these teenage working class scum keep popping out so they can live on benefits forever?
Also, the threat of introducing such legislation would lead to an epidemic of teen pregnancy, whether from nihilistic defiance or idiot romanticism.
Far better to educate girls into thinking that there's more to life than motherhood - and indeed, making sure that life actually does offer more than motherhood for the ones whose future seems to be a choice between an eternity of burger-flipping/shelf-stacking for the minimum wage or a cute ickle baby to look after.

flubdub · 04/07/2008 10:06

SCORPIO - You're children are bloody gorgeous!!

Idobelieveinfairies · 04/07/2008 10:12

My baby as planned when me and my dp were 17, we wanted a famly young. 16 and a half years later we have 8 dc!..and couldn't be happier. DP is the manager of a good firm and i am still at home with the little ones until they are at school and then i will find work and then hopefully be able to foster children when we have room in the house..lol

Travelling and getting married will happen when we are older and wiser .

No regrets whatsoever, wouldn't change a thing, some teens do want their families young and do do a very good job of it.

So it dosen't have to mean the end of the world if your teenager gets pregnant...i would rather that happen to mine than be into drugs/alcohol..or even worse.

Of course i realise how lucky i am to have met dp so young it him being the right one for me...dosen't always happen that way.

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