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AIBU?

to be upset that my FIL called my 37 w pregnant belly disgusting?

121 replies

Breizhette · 03/07/2008 12:10

I feel more humiliated really. We were on Skype on the webcam as they don't live in the same country. My DH and DD were facing the camera talking to PIL. FIL asked about his grandchild to be, so I lifted my top and showed my belly on the screen. FIL said "Put that away, it's disgusting".
I know there's a generation thing, and my DH tells me that it really doesn't matter. But it keeps coming back in my head. Maybe it's just the hormones...

OP posts:

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AuntieSocial · 03/07/2008 13:17

That's lovely that you think a pregnant belly is beautiful OP, but don't presume everyone else does. I've got a 35 week belly on me atm and I wouldn't dream of inflicting it on anyone else.

totalmisfit · 03/07/2008 13:27

what a twat.

i don't care if it's a generational thing or not. anyone who finds the human form (particularly a beautiful pregnant belly) has serious and deep seated ishooos!

totalmisfit · 03/07/2008 13:28

finds the human form disgusting

minniedot · 03/07/2008 13:29

Poor you. He wouldn't have meant it in that way, like the others have said probably a bit embarrassed.

My fil came to see me when I had just delivered his newborn grandson, his first words to me were ' My God, you look ropey ' to which I promptly burst into tears.

Had been in slow labour for two days and hadn't slept a wink, wtf did he expect!

HermanMunster · 03/07/2008 13:29

not everyone thinks pregnant bellies look beautiful, i know i don't.
he may not have wanted to see it.
having said that he didn't need to use such harsh language but you should not have lifted your top.

mrsruffallo · 03/07/2008 13:30

Why hide your belly away?
It is a privilege to be a giver of life, and a thing of beauty and celebration.
OP should show it whenever and wherever she bloody wants to!!!

totalmisfit · 03/07/2008 13:32

ok, you might not find it beautiful. but disgusting? i can't think of a less appropriate word for something so amazing.

mrsruffallo · 03/07/2008 13:32

I would have dome the same thing, OP.
Just put it down to his being an embarassed old sod and leave it at that

Kewcumber · 03/07/2008 13:34

OP should show it whenever and wherever she bloody wants to!!! - she should indeed but she can't also dictate the responses. Whether you like it or not and whether they have "ishoos" or not, some people don't like expanses of bare flesh (whichever bit of the body it is and whehter it contains a baby or not) and may respond harshly.

totalmisfit · 03/07/2008 13:38

i suppose these people can't stand to open a magazine or watch tv these days then, kewcumber? cos shock horror naked flesh is everywhere! run and hide, quick!

mrsruffallo · 03/07/2008 13:39

Yes, I suppose they may, but showing your pregnant belly in response to being asked how the unborn child is is a world away from flashing your tits/ wearing hot pants

HermanMunster · 03/07/2008 13:39

as i said before his wording could have been better.
but i agree with kewcumber, she can't dictate peoples responses. and the fact that it is the giver of life surely has no relevance. i mean the penis is a life giving instrument , but i doubt anyone would be happy with relatives exposing it and saying "look at this it gave life to your husband.what a thing of beauty and celebration"

totalmisfit · 03/07/2008 13:39

mrsruffallo · 03/07/2008 13:41

There are hardly any situations where we can dicate responses, but we can have an opinion on those responses, surely?

Elffriend · 03/07/2008 13:43

I agree he was probably a bit embarrased/shocked. I would no sooner show my belly to my FIL as I would expect him to lieft his top to show me. If I ask about my MILs heart operation I don't expect her to suddenly whip off her bra and show me the wound.

I sypathise with your reaction - I would have been upset too - people say all sorts of things to you when you're pregant - I wanted to deck most of them but I don't think he has "ishoos". I just think he got much more than he bargained for. Chill!

Breizhette · 03/07/2008 13:45

It makes me feel better that not everyone think I was odd.

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 03/07/2008 13:47

Def not odd, Breiz. I showed my family my tummy each time I was pregnant.
It is fascinating and a thing of beauty.
Be proud of it.

Kewcumber · 03/07/2008 13:48

so totalmisfit - you don't think there are people (often of an older age) who feel uncomfortable with naked flesh and would be mortified to be shown their DIL's belly?

I think his response was harsh but for goodness sake he probably wasn;t even allowed in to watch the birth of his own DC's and was probably expecting the response "fine thanks" not a flash of flesh.

nooka · 03/07/2008 13:49

I can see that Breizhette didn't mean to upset her FIL, but she probably did. It was a spontaneous thing to do, and if she thinks her bump is amazing she probably thought it was a nice thing to do. But a little odd too If someone asked about my pregnancy I don't think I'd have pulled up my top and said take a look - I might have given a profile shot to camera and say look how big I am - but actually probably not to my FIL. I'd probably have just talked about it! So yes FIL's response was upsetting, especially with hormones, but also it is always upsetting to get etiquette wrong (which I think is probably the issue here - it was a bit of a paux pas). FIL may also be feeling bad that he wasn't very polite, but I imagine he was very embarrassed and that his response was also spontaneous.

Try and put it behind you. Of course your bump isn't disgusting, just maybe a bit private?

totalmisfit · 03/07/2008 13:50

lol hm, but don't you ever think how daft it is that we wear clothes at all? why should any part of our bodies be so offensive that we have to cover it? Depending on your beliefs we're either made in God's image or we've evolved from creatures which know nothing but nakedness and it's only 3,000 years or so since we started wearing what you might terms 'clothes' in this country anyway. which is a blip in time compared to how long we were wandering around naked.

Kewcumber · 03/07/2008 13:51

no I don't think its odd. But it isn;t something I would have done and not something (evidently) that your FIl expected you to do.

MrsR of course you can make an observation on his responses - am a bit confused why you think I'm trying to censor your views (as opposed to justy disagrreing with them)

totalmisfit · 03/07/2008 13:52

ok 3,000 years is a random guess. i'm no archaeologist. but we are only talking a few thousand years at any rate...

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belgo · 03/07/2008 13:53

totalmisfit - I think the climate might have something to do with us wearing clothes!

belgo · 03/07/2008 13:54

I'm sure humans living in cold climates have always worn furs to keep warm.

mrsruffallo · 03/07/2008 13:54

But why private? When did we become ashamed of our very bodies?

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