To think I must be the problem

[HarvardGal]

I haven't spoken to a relative I was very close too for months now after we went on holiday together. It started after I asked her to please stop making noise late at night. I asked politely. After that she just turned on me. Saying she wanted to do everything by herself from then on. I apologised the next day but she stopped engaging with me for the most part even getting up and leaving me at the dinner table with strangers and sitting with others. Background she is grieving the loss of her husband so maybe I'm taking the brunt of her grief.

I thought we were close but when I tried to hug her goodbye at the airport she turned away. I haven't heard from her. I don't feel I did anything wrong in asking about the noise. AIBU for not contacting her either?

You did nothing wrong You apologised and made an effort The next move is here

Leave her to it, its not on you to contact her.
At some point she'll admit to herself she treated you badly and contact you. Hopefully.

It's about more than the noise.

Have you been 100% honest or do you think if she were to explain what happened in her words it might be different?

I only ask because most of us tend to 'favour' ourselves when recounting something that has two sides.

What kind of noise? If she was crying in the night and you asked her to stop then I guess it’s a bit different to her coming home late, singing.

Grief does some strange things to people so if you were previously close I would wait it out or send a nice message asking how they are.

It would be an unusual reaction to a polite request to make less noise. Are you sure that’s all there is to it, and you’ve not maybe down played it.

She was holding something and it kept knocking off the side of the bed so I asked if she could take it up in to the bed so it wouldn't be making the noise.

Reasonable question @QPZM but it really was as simple as that.

I asked the next day if I'd annoyed her by asking and she said no. I then apologised and asked if she was finding it too much and tried to comfort her. It was then she said she wanted to do things on her own.

I just feel sad that i haven't heard from her. She did tell me before that if someone did anything to wrong her that was the end for her. I didn't realise it had to be so small.

She’s a relative but not a friend.
She sounds hard work. I wouldn’t even contact her again.
She thinks you’ve wronged her, let her crack on in her warped thinking.
Maybe she wants you to run around apologising? That’s emotional blackmail, fuck that for a game!

I think that's it @DotBall , she expected me to make a big fuss apologising, sending flowers begging for forgiveness but I truly don't think a reasonable request warranted such a response from her. So I refused to do the over the top show of apologising. I apologised for upsetting her once. That was enough. I'm just starting to doubt myself thinking I should have contacted her.

It's impossible for us to say. Maybe she found you difficult for the whole trip and the noise request was just the last straw for her. Maybe it's grief or maybe she has always been a difficult person. Whatever the reason I think you need to give her some space.