My partner died suddenly

[Cwoffeelover1]

I’m 33 my partner was 32. We was together almost 15 years. We had 3 children together 10, 2 and 11 weeks when he died in September. Has anyone any experience in this or know anyone who has been through it? I feel so lost without him. I grieve the person I spent my whole adult life with my life partner. I grieve the dad he was to our children and the future we was supposed to have as a family. Will the pain ever go away? The thought of our whole lifes ahead of us without him is unbearable all the things he will miss and I’m trying to stay in the moment. Has anyone got any words of comfort or hope for me please?

I am so sorry @Cwoffeelover1 you are feeling like this. I have been on your past threads and while any premature death is a tragedy - please don’t have your rose tinted specs on when thinking back to the relationship. He was a serious drug addict and a cheat. The future was likely to have been very difficult for you and your children.

In time you will see this

I can only offer you a hand hold and my sincere condolences my lovely. Bless you and your children. The Bereavement boards on here are very kind and supportive. Perhaps post on there, they are very compassionate and kind. 💐

So sorry for your loss, @Cwoffeelover1 .

I lost my partner very suddenly 6 years ago. It was early in the second lockdown, which meant I couldn't see anyone, which was bloody tough.

All I can say is that it does get easier over time, and get all the support you can, eg bereavement groups, counselling etc.

Have you joined the group WAY (widowed and young)? I had a friend who lost her DH in his 30’s 12 years ago and she found the group very supportive. She still goes on holiday with some of the people she met through that group.

Having read the above reply it seems like it wasn’t a good relationship and he put you through the mill? That must make your feelings very confusing.

About to suggest WAY they are in your position so can advise better than those of us who are older. You could also seek out people via a charity linked to the reason he died eg my friend got support via a diabetes charity

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been where you are and it's not going to be easy. Lean on your support network. Are your family and friends close? Do not be afraid of asking for help - often people want to help but don't know how. The pain doesn't go away, but it does get easier to deal with, and eventually the happy memories drown out the pain. I'd recommend speaking to your GP and finding grief counselling for both yourself and your children - it will help in ways that you won't realise at first, but it will help. Try and stick to a routine so your days are fairly predictable as you find your new normal. I found writing to him to be helpful. Back up any videos/pictures that you have too. Print the pics out, burn the videos onto DVDs/put onto flashdrives and keep safe. I found doing that meant I didn't have the worry of losing things and the emotion of losing him again in case I did lose my phone or whatever. You will get through this, I promise you.

I also suggest WAY. I was widowed in my early 30s, he went to work and never came home. Grief is a journey, its going to be tough but eventually you learn to live with it. I'm 10 years on and have built a new life with my new DH but I'll never forget/always carry DH 1 with me.

Not to me so young but a dear friend lost her husband suddenly in front of her. The trauma she went through, well, still makes me very sad now all these years later.

All I can say is one foot in front of the other whenever you can. Take your time, don't make any big decisions in your life for a while, you will be wobbly, take care of yourself, talk to others if you think it will help, give your children a squeeze and remember there's no really right or wrong way to get through this. It's also still very early days for you but as time goes past you will learn how to live with it.

Am so sorry, it's a truly rotten thing to have happened to you all and just want to send hugs over MN.

I am so sorry for your loss. That is a tragic thing to happen and I just wanted to send you my sincerest condolences 💐

I don’t have any wisdom but I’m so sorry you’re going through this

I’m sorry you are feeling so low. Did he overdose? I have read your previous threads, so I have to agree with PP that he really wasn’t a great husband or father. I can understand you are grieving though.

Have you had any bereavement counselling?

Sorry for your loss.

When I was 24 my 23 year old bf died by his own hand not long after we lost our pregnancy. It was absolutely horrific and everyone he knew blamed me and only me even after the inquest quite clearly exonerated me and was primarily focused on inevstigating police and medical mishandling. The blame and ostracisation, smear campaign of unbeliavable reach, duration (still happening to this day) and proportion, the false allegations sent to my employers made me feel so, so much worse and delayed my healing.

You WILL start to feel better in about 3 years. I'm so, sorry and I know exactly what you're going through. He wasn't just a boyfriend; was the love of my life my true equal, my exact perfect match. We clicked and were compatible in every way.

I'm so, sorry for you and your children. Feel free to DM me xxxx

For the 8% who voted YABU - show some sensitivity. The OP is going through the wars at the moment.

+1 on bereavement counselling. My work offered it and I would take it up. So sorry to read of the loss. 30s is no age.

I am so sorry for your trouble.

This helped me.

To think of the years that you would have had together as a couple and to realise that you still have those years but now you must live them for both of you.

To get as much out of those years as you can possibly can because you are living life now for both of you. The years were given to both of you, whether you lived them all together or one of you has to do it by yourself.

Every happy moment, every sadness, every pride in your children, every problem-they are for both of you. You are carrying on for both of you-in honour of him and of the love that bound you together and combined both of you in your children,

He is with you and you are with him-not physically together-but together nonetheless.

Inclined to think they clicked the wrong button

10, 2 and 11w.
In 2024 the 7y was likely nearly 8, the now 2y was nearly born and the 11w was born this past summer.

11 weeks...

@CheeseAnEasyLover You do know people fudge things on here in order to protect themselves.

How will you feel if you were assured this woman is in pain and this is your response.

If you want a row, there are loads of threads going on in which you can fill your boots. I have but not here.

I'm very sorry for your loss. My H died after a sudden illness last summer. It was totally unexpected and FAST so damn fast.*

We'd been together for over 30 years. While I'm working, getting necessary things done, appear to be okay I am not okay. I miss him so much. We're both independent personalities but after that many years we were also deeply a couple. He was due to retire next year and I'm angry he didn't get to relax and enjoy that part of life.

I miss his companionship, our total knowledge of each other. Nobody will ever know me as well as he did. We never had children so I feel alone now.

It's hard 💗 but you have to keep going. He wouldn't want your life to stop now would he? The pain doesn't go away but it subsides over time. My advise is to live as he would want you to. Don't let his absence be your ending too. You'll never forget him but I'm confident he'd want you to go on now.

Take care of yourself, allow yourself as long as it takes to recover. Maybe you never fully recover. Life will be forever different now but it's still worth living.Try to surround yourself with people who are kind and good as much as possible.

*I've thought a lot about this since H died. A sudden death is shocking, it's hard to believe it happened. But usually it means the person didn't suffer a long time. A slow death you get time to say good bye but the person usually does suffer pain. I've decided death generally sucks and I hate both versions.

Having substance abuse problems doesn't automatically make someone a shit husband and father, how dare you say this to someone who has just lost her husband. The absolute condescending cheek of this whole response feels like intentional ragebait

So very sorry for your heartbreak - I’m sure you’ll get some excellent help, support and advice on here.
Btw take no notice of the 6%ers they must have pressed the wrong button.
All good wishes for your future.

A pp also mentioned he cheated on op so I think its fair to say he wasn't a great husband

Love and sympathy to you, OP, and all here who have suffered bereavement.

I found it helpful to sit and talk (silently) to the person who died, when I had a quiet moment. Just a chat about what I’d been doing, as if they were still there. For me they were still there in my heart.