To refuse to cancel going out for Xmas dinner in these circumstances?

[NothingDefinite]

My family (mum and her partner, my sister and half sister and their families) are due to visit and stay with us for a few days over Xmas. We live about 150 miles from them so we alternate spending Christmas in the two places, although we always go out for Christmas dinner. My half sister doesn’t always join us but does sometimes and is this year.

We all agreed on the restaurant for Christmas Day a few months ago and I booked it. My half sister is now saying she can’t afford it and wants us to host Xmas dinner at home. We really don’t want to do that as we look forward to going out for it, not cooking and just relaxing.

I’ve suggested that she comes before or after Xmas for a day or two instead but she thinks that’s unfair and doesn’t see why we can’t just cook dinner at home. My mum is siding with her and it’s causing friction. Are we being unreasonable to not want to change our plans and not want to have to cook dinner ourselves when we were looking forward to going out?

Disinvite the whole bloody lot of them.

Can you all chip in to pay for her? If not, I wouldn't change plans and just say that if people want to drop out that's fine

Go out for your dinner, i don't know if your parents can loan her the money so you she can go, but definitely don't cancel.

Stick to your plans. Eating out is massively different t cooking Christmas dinner. Could everyone else chip in to pay for her?

The only alternative is if everyone chips in both with money towards the food and drinks and brings a dish with them so you’re not lumbered with cooking everything. Or get a takeaway?

I'm on the fence. You shouldn't have to cook if you don't want to, if that wasn't the understanding when you invited people, but your dsis shouldn't have to miss Christmas because she can't afford an expensive meal.

I'd say either everyone chips in you cover your dsis' meal, or see if a different member of the family can host?

I think it would be preferable to cook at home than to exclude her from the whole celebration, that's a really unreasonable suggestion.

I think you stick to your guns. If your mum or half sister decide to not come and host at one of their houses instead, that's their perogative.

She's being an idiot. Broken record time: As agreed Jenny/Mum/whoever else needs to hear it, we are going out for Christmas Dinner to the Ristorante Delicioso. If you don't want to come, that's fine, see you next year!

Mum and partner can pay for her.

How old is she? If she's quite young and doesn't have much income I would club together and pay for her., otherwise I would just say you have no plans to cook/host and it's up to her if she wants to join you or not.

So is she expecting you to cook and pay for Xmas dinner? I always host Xmas dinner for my family usually 6-8 people. I pay and cook. But they bring all the drinks/alcohol and buy Xmas eve and boxing day meals. Its hugely expensive and stressful but suits me for various reasons and is my request so they travel to me. Would not be impressed to have it expected of me.

Don't change your plans . Everyone knows that Xmas dinner at a restaurant will be on the pricey side . She has had plenty of time to budget for it . What is even more cheeky is that she isn't offering to do it , she wants you to .

Does she think of you cool at home you should just shoulder all the cost?

Come on she’s family, can’t you all chip in to pay her share?

Stick to your guns!

My mum suggested that we, as in me and my husband, pay for half sister, her partner and children. She thinks we should as it’s ’our year’. That has never been the arrangement, we all pay for ourselves.

They already all stay with us and we pay for all other food and drinks when they’re here. When we go to them, we stay in a hotel at our expense.

So she’s expecting you to fork out and pay for all the food, drinks, crackers, etc? Stick to your guns!

Get sis to cook the Christmas Dinner. 😊

This is ridiculous. One person dictating to all of you as to how to "do" Christmas dinner because she "says" she can't afford it.

Credit card? No gift exchange between sis and others? Save up? Don't go?

Not a chance I'd change plans at her insistence. She is looking for you all to pay for her, and where is the evidence that she is penniless anyway?

Oh I fkn hate hate hate Christmas, and I will be far away from home for it, Thank Goodness.

Yanbu. Its so cheeky for her to expect you to cook and host when you haven't offered. Also, would she be willing to contribute financially if you did host, or is she expecting to have her meal paid if you host and stay home?

How expensive is the restaurant? Is there a cheaper option than a Christmas dinner menu if she wants?

Just keep explaining that you won't be hosting as it isn't enjoyable or relaxing for you and let others come up with a solution

Just seen this. So not even one meal, but several!

If your mum is siding with her, can your mum pay her share?

I don't think you should cancel your restaurants plans, but if your half-sister is keen on Christmas dinner at your house, she could offer to cook it for everyone!

Her share is multiple people!

It costs a fortune to host Christmas dinner, can everyone not just chip in for her (and she pays say 50% herself?)

She does need to understand that it is much cheaper for her to pay for a restaurant and she should be made to understand how much it would cost for you to host and how much work that is.

If she continues to insist - will she pay her share of the cost to host and do the cooking?

So basically instead of paying £50 for dinner, she wants YOU to shop for and make a £200 dinner to feed everyone because it will be cheaper for her? She’s being ridiculous, but to make a point I’d agree on the condition she does all the food shopping and brings it with her and you cook. We host every year and it’s bloody expensive!

It’s massively cheeky to suggest that you should cook (and I assume pay for all ingredients) when you want to eat out to avoid the stress of cooking (and as a family you always have eaten out). You can’t volunteer someone else’s labour like that. If she wants Christmas dinner at home, she has to host and cook!