to be so pissed with hubby i cant bear to look at him

[justageek]

let alone talk to him?

I had a really stressful day today with my toddlers and some personal things i was having to sort out, plus feeling quite down in general. I was glad when he got home as he takes the kids of my hands. But tonight he started ranting about not being able to find the special pens that my youngest got for her birthday (they only colour in special pages, like invisible ink kind of thing so they were fairly special). I hate it when he starts like that because i feel like he is thinking badly of me, for not making sure they dont lose/break their toys etc.

So i knew my eldest had been playing with them earlier and had asked her to put them away, he was saying they werent in the drawer they were meant to be. So i asked her were they were. Dont know she says (she is 3). So we begin a huge search for them, and i am getting crosser and crosser, the more he is...I eventually lose my temper and tell eldest to at least help look for them, she is tired by then and gurny so doesnt bother. GAAAH. I ask her again, she says in the drawer, i go to check the drawers, dh shouts at me, i have already looked in there!

So i tell dd its not in the drawers and she says she doesnt know.

Guess where they were. In the FARKING drawer. DH didnt even bother looking properly before starting to rant about not being able to find anything in this house blah blah.

So i had to then apologise to my DD and give her a cuddle, poor lamb. I am sooo mad at DH, i really am, he is forever asking wheres this and getting huffy before he hasnt even bloody looked. What is wrong with men? are they just dsigned to generally piss you off at any given opportunity?!

I cant be bothered speaking to him tonight, because he didnt even apologise to DD himself or me for that matter.

Ah now....we have this. Favourite is :-

Where's the butter?
In the fridge.
It's not. I've looked.

I look in the fridge, move the grapes to the left and the yogurts to the right and whaddya know? There it is.

if it doesn't fall out of the fridge when he opens the door - apparently, we haven't got any.

Fuckwit! Only forgive him because he sires gorgeous kids!

it's a man thing I'm afraid
they can't see for looking

Seriously I think its a man thing, sorry to generalise, but my dh and 3 bil's are all incapable of "looking" for anything.

ie

Me "can you pass me the cream out of the fridge" (hands covered in gunk

dh, opens fridge, shakes head"Nah...can't see it."

Me"Middle shelf, red tub."

Dh, still shaking head,"mmm...nope."

Me"FFS!!!!! I can see it from here!! There there!" As I indicate with my foot

dh"Ohhh...that one!"

Me "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

hes just such a....a...a...DOUGHBALL. oh i dont know. someone think of a good insult that will make me feel better.

I suspect my anger is also because i know i ended up getting mad at DD when i should have just stayed calm, but at least i apologised and tried to make it up to her.

My Dh does 'man looking' as well.
Whenever he tells me he cant find something, I ask him if he did a man look and if so, to look again!!

My dp is the same. He now says 'can you look for me'. they just dont have the patience to look or they are just clever and know we will find it for them!

hedgewitch i think he is still on his man period. He has a bit of a man cold at the moment which i think it making him tetchy.

(i want to get the pens out and stick them up his...ar trousers. Raging pregnancy hormones alert)

He should say sorry to dd, of course.

But I have to confess in this house I'm the one who can't see something for looking. Earlier today I had to get dh to search for my shoes - I had looked on the shoe rack and all around the shoe rack three times with no success. Dh reaches in and says 'this pair?'. I have no idea how he does it.

I don't shout and scream and stamp my feet when I can't find things, though, I ask dh nicely.

do you think they do it because they can't be bothered to look?? DP couldn't find his glasses when he was wearing them

i think it must be a genetic fault or something then. Only passes down in males.

But he wouldnt lose his beer now would he...or his remote control

In fact i may hide them. Just to be mean.

i make my excuses & leave when the 'somebody's stolen the car keys' farce starts. otherwise i would have to hit help him.

hiding one shoe sometimes works

Women have better peripheal vision than men and thats why we can find things in drawers and cupboards.

You have to teach men to move their heads from side to side when looking so they actually look in all of the drawer. Bless 'em, its not their faults, its biology

Biology don't stop him apologising though.....

And which part of biology is it that makes them rant and shout and blame the person who hasn't been anywhere near their things for weeks? Asking merely for information, of course.

Besides...this peripheral thing- I'm blind in one eye pretty well, so why am I supposed to have better peripheral vision than him?

But it's the ranting helplessness that gets to you, isn't it? I freely admit that I lose things too, frequently. I just don't expect my Mummy to turn up and sort me out.

My lovely Dh is guilty of this too. He often makes the fatal error of saying " where did YOU put my..." followed by the "well YOU are the only one who tidies everything up around here APPARENTLY..." If I didn?t love him so much we would have never married Drives me ballistic!

Apparently it comes from the days when we lived in caves/huts and women had to look after children, watch for danger and do other tasks at the same time therefore having good peripheal vision was essential to survival. Where as men just had to have a good eye for shooting bows and arrows so their direct line of sight was v important to them for survival....surely we must have developed over the years though?

God knows how these studies know all this. I just have memories of doing it at Uni...still drives you mad though, even it there is a vague biological reason behind it.

oh god must not let DH see this thread, he will be using the peripheal vision excuse for donkeys to come.

(query: any biology why he leaves his empty beer cans on the side ABOVE the bloody bin? general neanderthalness?)

yanbu. this is such a common thing in our house I now stick my fingers in my ears and sing 'lalalallaa when he starts.

did anyone see that I am a woman confessing to not being able to find anything? So gender determinism is not entirely true, even if (possibly) in general lots of women are v. good at looking for things.

Will tell dh he must have very good peripheral vision. I prefer to think of it as objects deliberately hiding from me, though.

IME some men simply can't look for things. They have to be right on top of everything else or they 'aren't there.

it's a talent, that's for sure

OH GOD! It is the most annoying thing!

him - Where is X
me - in the drawer
him - which one
me - the left
him - whereabouts
me - at the back
him - no it's not
me - yes it is
him - no it's NOT
me - oh FFS I'll get it WHAT THE FECK IS THIS THEN
him - it wasn't there a minute ago/you didn't say it was under the paper/oh

ARRGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

thud thud thud thud thud
(sound of my head or his head hitting the wall, depending on my mood!)