To want DH off the bed when there are no sheets on it

[Chocolattecoffeecuppaa]

I've taken the sheets off the bed and just the mattress and pillow protectors are on there now, which I'm not washing as I washed them last weekend, and I don't want the protectors every week, but wash sheets once a week.

As soon as I've taken off the sheets, DH lays down on the bed to play games on his phone on the protector that I wasn't planning to wash and in his day clothes. Then later gets up and lies back down without even a top on before he's about to get in the shower.

AIBU is controlling to ask him not to do this? He's refused to get up saying I should just leave him alone but I'm the one who washes the sheets and he was on my pillow!

It's things like I've just come upstairs to clean the bathroom and asked him to go sit with the kids. He can play on his phone if he really wants to but his answer is they're both over 5 so they don't need constant supervision

Maybe not but it doesn't sit right to me for us both to be upstairs for a long period even one of us is just on our phone and could be downstairs

Sorry for the drip-feed BTW, my question was about the sheets!

Indoor and outdoor clothes but only one set of sheets?? It amazes me when I see here that people only have one set of bedding, what happens if someone is ill (vomiting/sweaty etc), if the washing machine or dryer breaks down? I have the opposite issue, too many sheets, duvets and covers, light and heavy bedspreads......

I’d be a bit twitchy about it but I do know I’m unusually clenched about things like this, so while I might ask nicely for him to relax somewhere else until I’d put the new sheets on, I wouldn’t push it if he said no.

Having said that, my DH ‘gets’ me and generally tries not to exacerbate my anxieties so he wouldn’t get on there in the first place.

Does it matter?

This would certainly piss me off. Hand him the clean sheets and tell him to make up the bed as you stripped it and washed the bedding. He sounds lazy and annoying.

Another useless lazy man child. Playing games on a phone instead of caring for his own children and addressing the housework that needs doing. To answer your question @Chocolattecoffeecuppaa in my view a helpful, caring husband lying on a mattress protector = no problem. A lazy, uncaring man lying on a mattress protector = a problem.

Why would you assume that? My sofa covers go in daily even though I change into a hazmat suit the second I enter from ‘outside’.

On a serious note… OP you need to focus on things that matter and that you can control, you’re upsetting yourself over something inconsequential. if you’re genuinely that worried about germs you should look into CBT to help you cope.

Good grief, of course it’s controlling! If you suffer from anxiety about germs entering your home on “day clothes”, and you perceive the world as a scary miasma of filth that has to be battled against constantly, then I sympathise, but it’s nobody’s problem but your own. You can’t reasonably require that he doesn’t lie on his own bed.

You'd love my DH, Op. We did a long haul trip. DH had a rucksack that had been on the floor of the car, bus, airport, plane, taxi, pavement etc. Checked into our lovely hotel and of course there was a lovely bed with crisp fresh sheets...where does he plonk his dirty bag? On my pillow. I was enraged. He didn't see the problem.

You sound like hard work, don't take clenliness to this level.

If you pay for everything and do all the work, then yes it is unfair. Is he one of those men who would happily live in filth if he lived on his own?

I'd absolutely hate it too OP....asthmatic have to keep my bed with as little food for dust mites at all ..these are layers I want clean

He sounds lazy. That said, I think all men are lazy. It's really not fair.

is it possible that your feelings and powerlessness around his disengagement from family life and treating you more like his mother than his partner (in that you are doing most of his chores) are getting diverted into the sheets issue?

I think the problem is benefitting from and disrespecting another person's labour and preferences.

I thought you were supposed to leave the bed to breathe. When I change the sheets, I leave the mattress with nothing on it and the window open for a bit if I have time.

You’re being a tad unreasonable, op. I do understand and sympathise to a degree - however, I’d venture to suggest you’d be less worried about this particular “issue” if your husband was less of a lazy, tight-arsed, unsociable manchild and actually pulled his weight a little. As ever on MN, the actual problem is far more nuanced than the first post would suggest.

You are being ridiculously precious. Are you one of those people who covers your sofa and cushions in clear plastic to keep them clean?

Presumably he's fully dressed, but even if he were not, they are washable and he's only laying on them for shortish periods of time. It's not like he's sleeping directly on them every night for a week.

YABU and OTT

I completely agree that he should pay his way and do his fair share of the domestic work. That wasn’t the question asked, though.

No worries! 🙂 And pretty much exactly the same! I think, with us, it’s equal parts comfort, (perceived) hygiene and just what we were brought up doing, so never really questioned.

We’re also ‘shoes off’ people, which seems fairly divisive on MN.

Why are you tolerating all the other (far more serious, non sheet related) stuff?

They have one He can't sit on that

Although im astounded there is only one set of sheets. .

Maybe suggest he make the bed with clean sheets, then lay on it.