To want DH off the bed when there are no sheets on it

[Chocolattecoffeecuppaa]

I've taken the sheets off the bed and just the mattress and pillow protectors are on there now, which I'm not washing as I washed them last weekend, and I don't want the protectors every week, but wash sheets once a week.

As soon as I've taken off the sheets, DH lays down on the bed to play games on his phone on the protector that I wasn't planning to wash and in his day clothes. Then later gets up and lies back down without even a top on before he's about to get in the shower.

AIBU is controlling to ask him not to do this? He's refused to get up saying I should just leave him alone but I'm the one who washes the sheets and he was on my pillow!

Yes I'm glad you understand. Day clothes that we've been out in, walked the dog in, sat on the bed in, shouldn't be in the bed, but I don't like anything on the mattress that I can't wash and not really on the protectors that are clean...

Why is he lying all over the bed, does he not have a sofa?

We have one set of sheets so I have to dry these before I put them on. I'm sure that's my fault but I bought the sheets, the bed, the mattress, as DH often claims to have "no money" which he's clearly investing for himself. He doesn't wash the sheets either. Maybe I am being unreasonable but it feels unfair.

Ah, so this isnt really about sheets then.

I'd say very few people would have the reaction you're having OP. I wouldn't even notice if DH did this.

I wouldn't like that either OP. But does DH have some good points? The more you say about him, the more useless he appears.

Tell him to buy a second set of sheets, it's much less stressful

This is the thing he never changed sheets or does any laundry so if the protector smells of sweat then I'll have to wash and dry it again, when he can be arsed to get up. I'm also cleaning and entertaining our 7 yo and 5 yo while he's playing games on his phone lying on the bed. I'm clearly in a bad mood.

Don't you open the windows and air the mattress for a few hours?

So why are you with him?

The sheets are irrelevant.

Please tell us more about him and why he’s saying he’s got no money and not contributing to his own home?

For the sake of your own sanity I would just buy some more - cheap ones if necessary, Asda online have some lovely sets. Obviously if money is super, super tight and it’s not an option that’s fair enough. But sounds like you have bigger issues with your dh.

Thanks for the replies. It does actually help to hear I'm being unreasonable

I agreed with you OP!

Who washes mattress protectors this often?

Beside the point. He sounds lazy re housework and the issue isn't the sheets.

Is he allowed to sit on the sofa in his “day clothes”?

Is he allowed to sit on the bed in his “day clothes” if the bed sheets are on it is he completely banned from being on the bed unless he’s showered and in fresh pyjamas?

Unless his clothes are absolutely filthy or sweaty I genuinely cant understand why your scenario is an issue?!

There's obviously more to this.
Initially I said yes it was controlling but after the update tell him to get off his lazy arse and pull his weight

Maybe I’m grim but I would assume that any tiny amount of dirt will be in the protector so when you put the sheet on top, the sheet will protect you from the dirt and the bit you’re sleeping in will be clean. I think getting another set of sheets will avoid this problem and you can make DH put them on - that doesn’t require any of his money

Get a mattress protector
Id hate this too OP, so just ignore everyone else

Just because you're being unreasonable on this point doesn't mean he isn't a lazy disinterested father. The more you say, the more I think you might want to start a thread about your relationship

YABVU about the sheets non issue. Unless he’s been rolling about in raw sewage of course. Which I’m presuming he hasn’t because you’ve just mentioned day clothes which he’s probably sitting about on the sofa in too.

He does have money. We earn a similar amount and we pay half of the bills each and try to share food costs but he often is v frugal or says he can't contribute more money for food but he does then invest the money (own investments not shared as we have our own money apart form the shared bills). If I want to buy furniture or anything for the house he'll often day no we don't need it so I either pay for it myself or we don't get it.

It's not that he does nothing but he has a lot of time to game and he spends quite a lot of time on his own upstairs playing while I'm with the kids. I took them to their hobbies this morning and made them lunch, my parents came to see us (DH didn't even come and say hello), he's been upstairs for hours.

So yes I'm probably also annoyed he's not helping but I think I have a bit of genuine OCD and I don't like anything touching the sheets or bed. We probably do need an extra set of sheets so they are on my list to buy.

We are ok for money by the way so that's not the issue.

I wouldn’t like this, even my dog knows not to go on the bed where are no covers on it!!

I think we all have different standards or things that bother us. I do t like outside clothes and germs in my bed and I suppose I feel like she should have some consideration of this since I'm the one doing the laundry. I'm not even asking him to wash the bedding but just don't like on the bare bed when it's difficult for me to wash that and I can't wash it while you're on it 🫠

Has he shat himself?

What is it that’s got on your clothes while you’ve been outside that you don’t want getting on your bed?
unless you wash all over, including your hair, before you go to bed the outside stuff will get on your bed anyway.
And unless your house is completely sealed from the outside, the outside gets inside all the time.

”Day clothes” is really weird.