To want DH off the bed when there are no sheets on it

[Chocolattecoffeecuppaa]

I've taken the sheets off the bed and just the mattress and pillow protectors are on there now, which I'm not washing as I washed them last weekend, and I don't want the protectors every week, but wash sheets once a week.

As soon as I've taken off the sheets, DH lays down on the bed to play games on his phone on the protector that I wasn't planning to wash and in his day clothes. Then later gets up and lies back down without even a top on before he's about to get in the shower.

AIBU is controlling to ask him not to do this? He's refused to get up saying I should just leave him alone but I'm the one who washes the sheets and he was on my pillow!

A mattress protector to protect the mattress protector she’s already using!

Maybe it’s worth considering OP?!

I think YABU about this, but it also sounds like your ‘D’H is a useless pisstaker, so let’s talk about that a bit more.

I've got a mattress protector and that's what he's lying on but I feel like it needs a wash. I can't just wash it because he's still on the bed about three hours later and he'd probably just lie on the bare mattress if I take the protector off.

I think this might be cultural. We have outside and inside clothes and never the twain shall meet.

My DH does this too and it drives me absolutely bananas. It’s not divorce material but it is “what the absolute f*!”
material. I say it to him. He ignores me. We get past it. Whaddaugonnado. Have a glass of wine.

I am on my sofa right now after walking the dog ( she's here with me) is this bad 🤔

I took them to their hobbies this morning and made them lunch, my parents came to see us (DH didn't even come and say hello), he's been upstairs for hours.

So he’s rude and lazy??

This would be a huge deal to me not saying hello to guests.

Why is he not looking after his open children?

I love to game but when you have young kids, you have to wait until they’re in bed.

YABU about the bedsheets but I wouldn’t even be with a man like this, he sounds awful.
Your issues sound nothing compared to his.

I actually think YANBU, but the bigger issues here is

I'm the one who washes the sheets

Why isn’t he sharing the load?

I actually agree with you 😅 I sometimes take the sheets and mattress protector off to air the bed before I put the protector and new sheets back on. It drives me nuts when anyone gets into the bed before it’s made. You can’t wash a mattress easily, but you can wash sheets - mattresses are expensive to replace, so I aim to keep ours as clean as I can. I dislike outdoor clothes being on the beds because of the risk of bedbugs - and I think that’s actually sensible given very high rates of them at the moment. South east trains had trains out of action recently because of bedbugs and they are expensive to treat. Eek!

I would probably be considered controlling but I don’t care and my husbands happy to do this when asked and will also help make the beds. We all like things the way we like them and It sounds like he is not prepared to consider your feelings which is perhaps what hurts.

The phone thing would annoy me too if I’m the one running round after the kids.

I think you need a second set of sheets to make life easier though!

So do you have to get changed as soon as you come home?
What if you’re only going home for an hour before needing to go out again?

Tbh I’m not sure if DH has even been out today - so how would that work?

But you’re not! He sounds like a lazy slob.

Also it’s grim to sit on the bed in the clothes you sit on the tube with, for example. How do people think bedbugs spread? 🤦🏼‍♀️

I understand your annoyance because in your case it feels like he’s undermining your bed making each time. But ideally if you had another sheet then you wouldn’t have this issue. Does he do any housework ?

I won’t lie on my bed in clothes that I have been on public transport in or to the drs etc so do understand the whole day/night clothes thing. Wouldn’t be bothered about the mattress or the protector though

Sounds like there's a lot about your relationship that seems unreasonable and I'd encourage you to change.

But him sitting on the mattress protector in "outdoor" or "day" clothes and some how contaminating the bed even though (presumably) they aren't actually dirty is not one of them.

I would say, though, that if it's your only quirk and he won't humour you, there's no love in your relationship.

Inside/outside clothes are so divisive on here, it’s hilarious. I’m with you @Chocolattecoffeecuppaa, my bed is sacred and no one is sitting on it with just the protector. My husband knows how I feel about this stuff and totally agrees with me which makes it much easier. The same way that I wouldn’t sit on my bed in my dog walking clothes. I don’t think it’s controlling to have different hygiene standards. He could have put a blanket on it or something, or gone to the sofa.

We tend to get changed immediately, yes. If we were going back out really soon, I suppose we’d stay in outside clothes, but that very rarely happens (no idea why, it’s not planned!)

We’ve all been pottering about inside today, so showered and put on comfy ‘inside’ clothes. DH is taking the kids to the park/playground now and has popped upstairs to put on jeans (he will not leave the house in joggers) and an ‘outside’ jumper.

As I type it, I realise it sounds quite mad, but it’s what we do. 😂

Bed bugs normally spread when you you use an infested bed (in your indoor or night clothes) and bring them back with you.

You wouldn't be bothered about the mattress that you can't easily wash or sanitise?

So give him the sheets and covers and tell him to put them on then he can lie down to his heart’s content?

He does do some housework but it's very much the case that I'm the default parent, cleaner, cooker...

I mentioned I took the kids to hobbies this morning. If I hadn't he'd have said it wasn't his choice to sign them up. It's not like he takes them sometimes or takes them to anything else. I fed us lunch like I said, washed up, did the laundry and have cleaned up. He put the box of Halloween stuff in the lost. I have no expectation that he'll make dinner.

It could easily be the case that he doesn't do any cooking, cleaning or laundry or anything with the kids this weekend. He did spend some time playing with them before we went to activities and gave them cereal for breakfast because he'd work up early anyway.

They're not dry

I do need a second sheet but I also do like to air the bed, which is not happening while he's on it

They’re all over the London Underground

Thank you for explaining 😁

I have clothes that are nicer but less comfortable eg jeans.

And then I have comfy clothes that I wouldn’t wear outside unless I’m going for a walk etc eg tracksuits

I’ll often come home and change into my comfy clothes or if I’m staying in all day I’ll wear them but only because if someone knocks on the door I’m not in my PJs all day.

But it’s nothing to do with hygiene or keeping them separate, just for comfort.

It’s clearly a bigger issue than just the bed.

He’s a selfish, lazy tightarse.

Your money and time must be spent on the household and family. His is his own.

I would buy a second set of bedding for his Christmas present.

Yabu