Normal or selfish tween?

[Christmassoon2026]

DD is 11. She always has something to moan about. Every meal time, unless it’s pizza every single time, there will be at best comments, at worst big huge complaints. Even if it’s pizza it’s rarely the right one.

Every day out, trip, there is something. We are taking her, DD6 and DS9 to see the Gladiators live this weekend. DS is a bigger fan, but DD always enjoyed watching it. It’s not her first choice, sure, but it’s a fun day out (expensive too).

She’s moaned that she’s not excited, “I’m not the biggest fan of Gladiators…”. If it was a one off I’d let it go but it’s always the case, everything that’s ever planned. Nothing is ever good enough. I’ve long thought either DP or I should stay home with her whilst the younger two get taken out on days out, but I don’t think she would learn. She will always apologise for being ungrateful after a talking to. It’s like she can’t help herself though and doesn’t learn for the next time.

We had meal moans. Now theres a meal chart on fridge of what we are having each day that week.
I got to the end of my tether and told them unless they had something postive to say about dinner then no comments. They tried me a couple times and I sent them to their rooms and told them they could eat their dinner when I was finished.

My kids now often parrot back to me 'if you havnt got anything nice to say then SHUT UP' not my proudest moment but teens are trying.

It sounds normal unfortunately and as she gets older she is deliberately differentiating herself between “babyish “ things her younger siblings would enjoy, even if secretly she still enjoys them herself.

Going forward maybe ask her if she wants to go before getting the tickets and explain that these things are expensive so no point her coming if she isn’t really bothered.

She's 11. That's her job.

It’s incredibly wearing and demoralising though. YANBU about that!

It is pretty normal, that doesn't mean you shouldn't tell her off though. I always say to my kids "anyone who doesn't like tonight's meal is very welcome to do the cooking for everyone".

Behaviour might be “normal” but that doesn’t make it ok. I told my three that not every meal could be their favourite but I would make sure that everyone got their favourite once a week and I would allow for dislikes within reason. Anyone who had issues with the catering was welcome to sort themselves out. Moaning about a meal someone has made for you is just rude, and an 11yo is old enough to understand that. Bottom line is you get what you tolerate, when I see people here complaining about their teenagers or young adults that has rarely happened overnight.