My family have started calling DD this and I really don’t like it

[cakepasta]

My family have started calling DD Floater and I really don’t like it. It started at a family lunch a few weeks ago when she was playing with one of those little inflatable rings and my brother called her it as a joke. Now it’s stuck and everyone seems to think it’s hilarious.

My family have always had daft nicknames for each other tbf. I’ve got one my brother still calls me which I’ve never liked, but it’s just what he’s always called me. This feels different though because she’s only little and I don’t want it turning into something people say about her when she’s older.

My brother says it doesn’t mean anything and keeps going “where’s our little Floater then” whenever he sees her. My mum and sister have started saying it too now. I know they aren’t trying to be nasty but it just sounds like they’re taking the piss out of her appearance to me. She’s got quite chubby cheeks at the moment and I can imagine other kids picking up on it when she starts school.

At the weekend we were all at my mum’s for lunch and he said it about four times. I asked him to stop calling her that and he just laughed and said I was being ridiculous. My mum then said I was being precious and that DD won’t even remember it. I felt a bit stupid because everyone was looking at me like I’d made a massive deal out of nothing.

DP thinks I’m overthinking it as well. He says she’s too young to understand what it means and it’ll probably just stop being used eventually. I said that’s not really the point though, I don’t want it becoming her nickname in the first place. He thinks I’m making it into something it isn’t.

I’m not against nicknames generally, we call her Flo most of the time anyway and she has a few other little ones that are just cute things she’s done. I just don’t like this one and don’t think it’s particularly nice.

My sister messaged me afterwards saying I should just let it go because it’s affectionate and nobody means anything by it. I haven’t replied yet because I don’t really know what to say without sounding like I’m having a go at everyone.

AIBU to ask them to stop calling her it? Would you actually mind this or am I being a bit precious?

Floater has poo connotations - horrible nickname. I would not accept that. YANBU

This. And ask your brother what he's getting out of deliberately doing something you have said you don't like.

you've asked nicely and they won’t stop. So find your anger and snap at them to stop. Storm off if needs be. Preferably do this in person and in front of as many of them as possible. They’ll get the message.

I think there are two things here - your brother still calls you something you hate, which you should address separately and calmly. I hate that name, please stop calling me it. Every single time. It’s not precious, it’s your name and your choice.

then your daughter - your child, your choice, reason irrelevant. Again, say it firmly but politely. We don’t want anyone calling her floater, we don’t like it, please respect my request.

then ignore any backlash.

YANBU. My FIL went through a phase of calling DS Willy. He didn’t like and and I got DH to put a stop to it.

1. its not his name and
2. it’s verging on bully or at the very least mean teasing and to a child!

Just say loud and clear, 'You are calling my daughter a turd, NEVER say it again'.

And get angry OP. It's awful.

I think I’ve just sort of got used to my own nickname tbh. It’s easier than constantly being told I’m making a mountain out of a molehill and that I’m being sensitive or overreacting whenever I say I don’t like it.

I know that probably sounds silly, but I don’t want Flo to end up doing the same thing and just accepting a nickname she doesn’t like because everyone else thinks it’s funny. I will have to be firmer with them about it.

As someone who grew up with a pretty mean family given nickname (which I hated), please shut this down now.

They're dickheads.

Agree with PP, sometimes you have to fight fire with napalm and hit them where it hurts. Something they're really sensitive about, otherwise it won't work. Arseholes only understand things in their own language, and sometimes, you have you speak arseholese.

"Dear family, as you are all so good humoured, I have some funny nicknames for you. Uncle Baldylocks, Auntie Fatarse, Granny Plaque and Tartar. Your nicknames will stop once Floater stops. Lots of love!"

I can see why it would piss you off, especially as you've hated being branded with a nickname from brother for years.

Unfortunately it sounds like DB's lack of wit is fanned by other family members and I fear the more you rail against it, the more it will happen. Sometimes an eye roll and a rant when you get home is more effective than a stand off.

That said, I'd reply to Dsis making it clear that you've always hated being lumbered with a stupid family name and don't want DD stuck with one from such a young age, especially one so pathetically unfunny and widely associated with a shit that won't flush! Then they know how you feel and will hopefully think about that before continuing.

Maybe also mention that DB has a habit of making mean comments about appearance then brushing them off as a joke and you won't be tolerating that when it comes to your kids.

As for being 'precious', I do think you'd be doing yourself a favour accepting that what your child eventually becomes widely known as is out of your hands. Once they hit school, something will stick and it may well not be your choice version of their name.

Ours certainly wasn't.

YANBU OP, but it may be a good idea to chill just a bit.

Are you confusing floater with bloater with regards to her chubby cheeks? I've never heard anyone chubby called a floater. And all 3 year olds have those cute chubby cheeks. If kids want to find a nickname for her they will without knowing your family call her that.

You almost sound resigned to them using this name. It will be continued to be used by your brother because he knows it is getting a reaction from you.

Tell them that the negative meaning to this word means you will not put up with them saying it any longer. The next time it is said, walk out and leave. It is a nasty word which means unflushable poo to most people.

Put your big girl pants on and get angry if it is used again.

Not something associated with weight but definitely something associated with a poo that doesn't flush away. It sounds like your brother is enjoying using your DD to upset you, is he generally a bit of a cunt?

A tactic I've used with an unreasonable family member is simply to get up and leave if the behaviour occurs, even if I've only been in their house ten minutes. It's pretty effective, repeat as many times as you need.

Ask them why they're calling your young child something that means a piece of shit or a drowning victim? Neither is a term of affection and the first is something a kid would call someone they dislike. Do they dislike you and your child? Because it sure sounds like it. They're deliberately trying to provoke you with name calling.

^ is right. You leave right away every time they do it.

Are you the family scapegoat?

I think it's really mean whether it's saying she's chubby or like poo! I think some people are missing that she gets called Flo (as short for Florence) so Floater is an amalgamation of that and bloater.

I'd really push back on this one (and I'm usually very keep the peace!).

My friend's brother used to call her names related to her name as a bullying tactic. I think it's unkind that he calls you a NN you don't like still.

Could you call brother cunty

I think this shows the difference between laughing with someone and laughing at someone.

If they want to joke around with someone, then they would choose a name that wouldn’t cause upset.

Instead, they are happy to carry on causing upset as they find it funny. No one should be the butt of a joke (sorry, just realised the awful floater pun)

I’m pretty sure that no one wants to have the nickname of a turd on the surface of water.

Maybe I am making that connection tbh, I just worry that Floater could turn into Bloater over time, especially once she’s older and understands more, and make her self conscious or something.

I’m also worried her cousins could start using it too and one of them is the same age as her, so they could end up at the same school. Even if they aren’t in the same class they’ll still see eachother on the playground, and I don’t want it becoming something they all call her there as well. I know kids can come up with their own nicknames anyway, but I’d rather not have this one encouraged by the family.

Ignore it and it will go away. Make a big deal about it and it will stick around.

Start calling your brother horrible (poo related?) names and see how he likes that.

Just tell them there’s no discussion, you’ll be leaving the moment it’s used, so you’re sure they’ll manage to wean themselves off it, unless they want all family occasions to end after two minutes.

It's a silly nickname for a toddler, that's absolutely fine. What's not fine is continuing to use silly nicknames when people tell you then hate them.

If you can share his name and one insecurity we can come up with a nickname to solve this.

If your brother is still calling you an unpleasant childhood nickname, then the idea that she won't remember it is clearly wrong - as they'll keep doing it into adulthood. I would calmly but firmly state that I won't have my child called a name that means a shit in a toilet that won't go away. Maybe they are not aware of the connotations. if they continue doing it, I'd consider it verbal abuse and refuse to engage with them. They sound like disgusting bullies and you've just got used to it.

Protect your daughter, OP.

don’t let her become a victim of your bullying siblings or to see that you are a victim of their bullying.

its time to stand up to them, don’t back down on this.

I would ask him if he's a bit thick because he doesn't seem to understand that you don't want your DD to have an immature nickname that means he's calling her a shit. I too would recommend leaving every time he does it.