My family have started calling DD this and I really don’t like it

[cakepasta]

My family have started calling DD Floater and I really don’t like it. It started at a family lunch a few weeks ago when she was playing with one of those little inflatable rings and my brother called her it as a joke. Now it’s stuck and everyone seems to think it’s hilarious.

My family have always had daft nicknames for each other tbf. I’ve got one my brother still calls me which I’ve never liked, but it’s just what he’s always called me. This feels different though because she’s only little and I don’t want it turning into something people say about her when she’s older.

My brother says it doesn’t mean anything and keeps going “where’s our little Floater then” whenever he sees her. My mum and sister have started saying it too now. I know they aren’t trying to be nasty but it just sounds like they’re taking the piss out of her appearance to me. She’s got quite chubby cheeks at the moment and I can imagine other kids picking up on it when she starts school.

At the weekend we were all at my mum’s for lunch and he said it about four times. I asked him to stop calling her that and he just laughed and said I was being ridiculous. My mum then said I was being precious and that DD won’t even remember it. I felt a bit stupid because everyone was looking at me like I’d made a massive deal out of nothing.

DP thinks I’m overthinking it as well. He says she’s too young to understand what it means and it’ll probably just stop being used eventually. I said that’s not really the point though, I don’t want it becoming her nickname in the first place. He thinks I’m making it into something it isn’t.

I’m not against nicknames generally, we call her Flo most of the time anyway and she has a few other little ones that are just cute things she’s done. I just don’t like this one and don’t think it’s particularly nice.

My sister messaged me afterwards saying I should just let it go because it’s affectionate and nobody means anything by it. I haven’t replied yet because I don’t really know what to say without sounding like I’m having a go at everyone.

AIBU to ask them to stop calling her it? Would you actually mind this or am I being a bit precious?

My brother still calls me a nickname I’ve always hated, even though I’ve told him. He still uses it now and we’re adults, so I’m not expecting this one to disappear by itself lol.

@cakepasta I don't know why you put "lol" on the end of that sentence. This is not a joke. Your brother sounds like a nasty, bullying arsehole. If he still uses a name for you that you hate then for sure he will keep using a name for your DD that you hate. And she will probably hate it too when she is older.

Tell your sister that if they felt any affection for you and your DD then they would not use names that you dislike.

Then do as other posters say, leave every time they use it. It's not about not being able to take a joke, it's about standing up for yourself and your DD against bullying. A joke isn't a joke if it hurts someone.

And yes, floater is a nasty name, poo in a toilet and all that.

They know it upsets you and therefore they should stop. The end.

As pps say, a floater to me = poo. That's the only thing I'd be annoyed at.

Yes I do dislike it for both reasons tbh, I can see why people would associate it with a poo that won’t flush and I really don’t like that either. I also think it sounds like a dig at her appearance, even if they don’t mean it that way.

I just worry it’ll stick and she’ll end up being called it when she starts school as well. I know she’s little now and probably doesn’t understand, but I don’t want it following her around as she gets older.

Floater is an unhealthy-looking poo in the toilet. Of course you don't want her to be called that.

I would make it clear that you won't put up with it, and then cut the call / leave the event every time someone uses it.

It's a derogatory nickname and names matter. Your family are bullies who call your young child something that means a piece of shit.

I'd correct them every time and if it didn't stop, they'd be the family she never sees. You can't let them bully your kid calling her that.

It has no correlation to appearance or being chubby. It’s means what PPs have said, which is probably why your family find it so hilarious. Which is mean of them and you’ll have to insist they stop and be prepared to stand your ground with it.

could you give them unflattering nicknames to prove a point?

Whilst I mostly agree with the approach of just leaving every time they use the name I think @stealthninjamum has an interesting suggestion.

Does your brother have something that he is sensitive about that he would hate? Then next time he called her Floater you could respond with "Oh Flo, silly Uncle Yellow Teeth /Bad Breath/Big Nose, can't remember your real name.'

I have no idea where this “comment on her appearance” idea is coming from OP.

Listen to the posters here: floater means a piece of shit that won’t flush. Or maybe, a dead body. That is all there is to it.

You need to make it clear that you won’t tolerate it.

What everyone else said. It's mean and it's bullying.

So they are calling your daughter a turd, and sometime soon a slightly older child will hear it and she'll be stuck with it all through school.
Since they already treat you like that and are arguing back about it they are obviously not going to stop. What a nasty family you have.
I wish I had a good suggestion. Calling them or their children something equally unpleasant in public every time you see them, or just not seeing them at all are the only options that come to mind and both have big downsides.
I hope someone comes along with a good suggestion for you. 💐

I would ask your Sis why she and your brother get to decide what is ok but you don’t.

They are bullies, and have no right to dismiss a simple polite request.

In any normal family they would just drop it after being told you don’t like it.

They are doubling down.

I think it was because she’s got quite chubby cheeks and my brother can be like that sometimes, making little comments and laughing like it’s nothing, so my mind went to it being about her weight tbh. Maybe he didn’t mean it that way but I just didn’t like the way he said it.

I do agree the poo thing is gross as well, I hadn’t even thought of that until people pointed it out. Either way I don’t want them calling her it, I’ll have to be more clear with them that I’m not happy about it.

Start calling them Shitforbrains, Bollockbreath, Piss-stain, etc (out of earshot of the youngster obvs). See if they complain.

Why would someone associate the word 'floater' with having chubby cheeks and consequently bully them over it?

I thought a floater was a poo? Surely that's what you need to worry about, not anything to do with your child's appearance?

Id make up unpleasant nicknames for them. Perhaps uncle baldy and aunty wrinkle tit's. (Or something that actually relates, your brother could have hair like Nicky Clarke in which case its not really insulting!)

I don't think I'd be that bothered by the nn - but I'd be massively bothered by your twat of a brother who thinks he is funny and won't stop when a woman tells him to.

That's what I'd object to. And so I'd send ONE group message to say 'Just to re-iterate - I do not want my DD referred to as 'Floater'. I've previously told people to stop but some seem to have ignored that. If it happens again I'll assume this is deliberate and will take action accordingly'

And I'd fucking walk out of whatever family occasion this happened at next. Probably with a comment to my brother about it's concerning that he doesn't understand the meaning of consent, or when women are telling him to stop doing something, and how over riding boundaries with anyone is a massive red flag. It's interesting that he seems to think 'No' isn't a whole sentence or that he can continue to override what women say.

It needs to stop, and I think they (or at least your DB; maybe DM and Dsis are more innocent in this) are finding it funny, but not for the reasons you think OP.

I don't think it is anything to do with her weight. It's the fact her nn is Flo and he has now made the connection to floater, aka poo that won't flush.

I also don't like Flo because of the whole "visit from Auntie Flo" thing.

I would personally stop calling her Flo at all, change her nn to Floss or Flossie and tell them you are not angry, you realise it is affectionate but the way Flo has evolved in the family has made you relieved you are aware of implications - dead bodies, poos and periods - before she starts school and she is now Floss and you don't want Flo or Floater used.

I don't think anyone else will think of the cheeks when they have all the other references to amuse them, so maybe don't mention that unless you already have.
ETA and maybe say, I have a nn I hated and I got stuck with it. I'm not letting the same happen to her. That shows you are right not to let it take hold and we DO remember these things.

I think you're underreacting OP.
99% of people know 'floater' is a turd. If my relatives were calling my child this and wouldn't stop if asked politely I would go nuclear. You need to start calling them equally disgusting 'nicknames' I'm sure it will soon stop.

Quite simply you stop visiting until they change. It is an awful nickname.

I just worry it’ll stick and she’ll end up being called it when she starts school as well.

But nobody at her school is going to know that some of her relatives call her that. The only way she'd get called 'Floater' at school is if she rocks up on the first day and introduces herself that way. No child is going to spontaneously call her that.

My brother, sister and I all have several weird family nicknames, all of which would sound bloody weird to anyone else, but nobody outside the family has ever used them or even known about them. My dad had one too. So does one of my nephews... he's 20 now and I don't think I've ever actually called him by his real name. (He definitely doesn't mind; he signs cards with it etc.)

I'm not saying you're not entitled to object on the grounds that you associate it with turds (I think your idea that it means she's fat is a colossal leap tbh) because I can completely see why the turd thing bothers you and anyway, your brother should just stop being a dick full stop. He's using your daughter to wind you up on purpose, which is awful behaviour on his part; he knows you're bothered and he needs to shut the fuck up.

But you're overthinking the impact of it on your daughter beyond immediate family, so that, at least, I think you can stop worrying about. Focus on your brother being a dick, basically.

Sounds as if you have been very clear about wanting them to stop, but they have refused.
I think you will either have to put up with it or stop seeing your extended family, which would be an awful shame as they seem pretty good fun and and nice to be around, in other ways.

Why are you lol about your brother won't stop using a name you don't like? That's silly.

Tell them to stop and if they won't just don't see them for a bit. Advocate for your toddler ffs. Your own experience shows that while she might not get it now, they aren't going to stop and she will eventually..

I would firmly tell them that is really bothers you. If they continue after that I guess you have to decide how much it bothers you / spending time on them

My dd’s nick name is Flo. When she was little she used to run everywhere like Flo Jo.
Id be inclined to tell them once you don’t like it. But they may be doing it because they know you don’t like it, if they are as annoying as that, so maybe ignore it.