Fall out with kids next door…..

[MyNeatRaven]

So before half term my son was playing at the park with our neighbours oldest (both 10) they got into an argument and my son lost his temper (shouted and shoved the boy)- the boy threw some punches, my son let him hit a few time as he didn’t want to hurt him but in ended up both both punching each other.
first I know is next doors mum knocked to say my son was losing his sh!t and battering her son’. I of course ran over (it’s 1 street away) - the fight was over and neighbours dad was talking to him. I asked a third friend what happened and he told me.
of course my son is in trouble- he lost his temper and I told him off and grounded him. I also said he needed to apologise (the neighbours had gone at this point) - he shoved and shouted first. They answered the door but said they were not interested in hearing it. I explained that just because we are ready to say sorry doesn’t mean they have to hear it and we can try later.

here is the thing- small community and all that. Their middle child (in my sons class) has told all their friends my son is dangerous and his parents said no one should play with him.

we have been chatting about he should handle it- I said he can explain his side of the story but it’s getting to the point they are actively trying to turn people against him.

sorry this is long! Just to say whilst my son was punished their son wasn’t (despite throwing first punches) and it feels unfair. I’m all for just moving on and helping him navigate how to handle it- hubby wants to knock on the door and ask what’s the issue!
wwyd?

Honestly I'd leave it alone. They had a scrap, it's over. Depending on the circumstances of course, I might not punish my kid for throwing a punch at someone who'd shoved them either. Of course they're going to tell their son not to play with yours any more, and of course their other child is going to parrot that. No good will come of going round.

give it another week to calm down. if after that, your son is still being excluded by friends at school then talk to the teachers.

So your son started it, he assaulted the other boy first.
He reacted with more violence and they both continued hitting each other.
Understandable they're putting the blame mostly on your son, he was the aggressor, to them their son defended himself and wouldn't have started a fight himself.

If they don't want their son associating with yours, fair enough. As for their son telling others yours is dangerous and his parents say not to play with him, well, the other kids can make up their own minds. It is basically actions have consequences, they think your son is violent and attacks people when he loses his temper, so to warn others to be cautious of him may be genuine concerns on their part rather than just being spiteful, as you seem to think.

I think it’s just because this is the first time my son reacted like this- where there’s has been involved in fights and things before. Of course my sons done wrong and I’m absolutely not denying that- just feels unfair after one mistake to be so isolated by everyone

It's understandable that people would want to avoid the kid with the violent "temper", whatever the neighbours say.

It won't be the last mistake he makes OP. Give him his consequences, explain all the possible repercussions of this kind of behaviour (serious injury, social ostracism, arrest, expulsion...), and work on the attitudes and behaviours you want him to display. In many ways it's a lot better he learns these lessons now than when he's 16.

But in your post "my son let him...didn't want to hurt him " so you're kinda defending your son and acknowledging he is violent and likely to cause harm in one phrase.

Its a kids fight stay out of it, yes people will be saying they don't want to play with your kid. Its actually good it will teach him a lesson. The situation will blow over providing your son learns not to hit out.

After all this wouldn't be an issue but for his violence. And I was once a ten year old boy.

Kids fight. It’s not great and neither boy is blameless based on your version of events but the problem with people nowadays is that rather than just get over it, the parents seem to want to launch a full smear campaign and let everyone know how their son is perfect and yours is the antichrist. It’s probably to do with social media and everyone needing to ‘speak their truth’ over what is essentially a non event.

Say nothing, let it blow over. Definitely don’t keep trying to apologise. And if it really begins to affect your son in school then talk to his teachers.