Single, childfree, mortgage free, youngish 50. Should I even bother dating men?

[CabSauv52]

Longtime lurker, would welcome alternative views. I never wanted children and swerved an engagement back when I was 27. I put work first and am now a self-employed dog loving freedom freak. I do like men but find I am now attractive to dinosaurs who have retired and look like my friend's dads. The idea of being a nurse with a purse does not thrill me as my parents are in their 80s and, as an only child, I anticipate I will be focussed on their needs pretty soon. I have had various boyfriends over the years but possibly I am just too darned independent for my own good and could only see myself living with someone for half the week. Should I just count my blessings and enjoy what I have got - NO or get out there again in the spring and not give up on a romantic connection - YES?

Im 46 and single. If you enjoy your life as it is. No problem. Im not actively looking. If someone comes along great. If not that's fine too .

I’m 57 and about to get married for the third time. To be frank, I adore dp but if I didn’t need sex so much, I might never have bothered looking. Obviously there’s more to it than that, and now over time I have fallen very deeply in love with him, but at my age there are definite downsides to having to share decisions etc.

If you don’t feel any urge to have a partner, don’t do it.

I think living with someone for half a week is too much TBH.

I'm Team Count Your Blessings. I'm mid 40s, single and can't see that ever changing.

Kind of same position as you except I’ve been a carer for ages

I’m not really much of a dating person, but I did date somebody a lot younger, that was an outlier as I don’t really date.

I would maybe do that again. Or date somebody my own age? I don’t think I could date somebody older. That might sound harsh…. But when mum is gone, I can’t do the caring thing again.

before anyone asks, yes, I will just have to pay for mine. I’m hoping not to get that far though!

If you're interested in having a man in your life, it's worth staying open to the possibility, even if you're not currently putting any real effort into searching. Whether or not you should actively pursue finding someone depends on how badly you want it. If you're not that bothered, I'd just enjoy your single life until something changes.

Why not just have some fun and try dating again? You might only meet weirdos or you might meet somebody nice. But I would definitely NOT be letting anyone move in, keep your own places!

I’m 61 and been single since I was 45. I am not remotely interested in dating/romantic relationships.

I have lots of friends and a job I love. I go out to lunch, dinner, drinks, theatre with friends and my adult DC.

I go on holiday with them too, or sometimes on my own which I really enjoy. I just cba with dealing with men.

I wouldn’t bother. Also most men seem too intimidated by independent women anyway. Which makes them - the men - unattractive.
vicious cycle !

Who will look after you when you get older or if you developed health issues? That would be my worry in your shoes with neither a partner or kids, nor siblings.

Do you have very close relationships with neighbours, or younger relatives who would step in and help you?,

I adore my DH… if he died or left me, I’m
pretty sure I’d be able to make a really nice life for myself that didn’t involve a man. He travels a lot for work and it’s quite freeing to have days where I don’t have to consider anyone else but myself.

All the single men my age that I know seem to be looking for a willing woman to provide them (and their children) with a nice ready made home and be a nanny with a fanny.

And hell would freeze over before I’d live with anyone ever again.

I found this too. I briefly dated after my divorce 5 years ago and the men mostly became frustrated with me because I had a more expensive home than them, more friends than them and mostly because I wasn’t willing to give up 90% of my free time to spend with them. Life is very peaceful without dating and I would only consider a man who wanted to see me once or twice a week, so I don’t date as that makes men angry.

@Anon501178 obviously can’t speak for the OP but yes, it really worries me

The thing about having a partner is they could end up in exactly the same position so I’d have to be prepared to look after them

I plan to move to a retirement flat when I’m the right age.

I'm nearly 50, and I feel like a PP - I'm not seeking it out, but if someone fell into my lap I wouldn't necessarily say no.

It would need to be someone independent like me though - own place, own interests etc. but we enjoy each other's company.

An ex boyfriend many years ago's mother had a long term relationship where they both kept their houses and lives, but spent time together as and when they felt like it. It worked very well for them, and was excellent at Christmas when we'd have lunch at one house with the bigger dining room, then scoot round the corner to the other house (cosy living room with open fire) for the evening without having to even think about cleaning up for a couple of days. Something like that would be fine.

I don't think I want to live with someone again TBH.

I was single for ages. Dated lots but didn’t want a relationship that was stifling. Met DP and we do live together. But have our own independent lives. We spend quality time together, but 3 out of 4 weekends are spent apart with own friends. We do our own things when needed, but do make sure we have time together.

people call us odd as we have our separate friends circle. We make it work and it works as we want to spend time together but too independent to be round each other lots.

I'm 34 2 kids with high needs and a partner. if swap for you life any day.. sounds bliss 😄

Couldn't see the appeal of living with someone at all.
Possibly for meals and weekends away.

I don’t see what you have to lose by giving more dating a go? It sounds like you have got a good life and are happy already, so you can afford to be picky, swiftly bin off anyone who isn’t right, but be open to someone who might be, or might just be nice company for a while? Have you tried dating younger?

I can recommend single sporty/activity type holidays eg in Europe as an opening to meet people. The right time of year, early late season outside peak family times. (Neilson / Mark Warner / Solo’s)
I’ve spent 13 years with a live-apart partner, we mostly only meet for holidays and it has worked brilliantly. You get the very best of each other, the nice carefree bits - without food shopping, meal planning, washing their socks, cleaning the bathroom…

I think the answer to this depends if you feel something is either missing or could be even better.

I think a lot of women don't want to bother again as they have had bruising marriages and are exhausted and/or can't be bothered with sex, and frankly, why should they if their current lifestyle is more peaceful and enjoyable.

I was widowed young, younger than your age now, and whilst I can live on my own in a functional sense and didn't move in with anyone til my thirties, I do feel I need a relationship for myself. I love the sense of intimacy with one person, not just the sex, but the hugs, cuddles and acknowledgement that we both exist in the same place and time. I'm very physically oriented if you believe in love languages and having an empty bed after two decades of someone in it was far harder than I anticipated.

I think as someone else has said, you are in the lucky position that you can pick and choose what suits you, plus most people by 50 have established their own lives, so living apart together (LAT) is much more common, plus some people have older children and don't want to move anyway.

If it's just sex you are after, go younger.

If you find a funny, thoughtful and rich one (or at least richer than you so you know he's not a potential cock lodger) - I would date. Otherwise.. nah, you're sorted as is!

From my experience the older men get the worse they are. Very set in their ways, strange opinions of women, odd out of date humour too. If I was single I most deffo wouldn't date again, ever but quite content in my own company, some people are not.

My auntie though, bless her, she never gave up. Has a new fella and she's 81. I do admire her but it wouldn't be for me.

Surely this is what long-term care insurance is for?

Friends and family are not your default caregivers as a "just in case."

YABU for even asking for reassurance in your early 50,s.

Any reason to be so nasty?