Blended family & Inheritance. How the hell do we make it fair?

[WeWereDoingSoWell]

Me and DH have been married for 5 years, together for 12. We have 5 children between us. I will try to make this as simple as possible whilst including all the relevant information.

I have three children from previous relationships. He has one child from a previous relationship. We have one child together.

DD1 : her dad is involved and she will probably get a small inheritance from him. She was older when I got with my DH and doesn't really view him as a father figure

Dd2 & dd3 : they have the same dad (not my DH) he is not involved, is in prison and they won't get any inheritance from him. They were young when I got with my DH and they think of him as their Dad.

DHs daughter : her Mam is involved and she will get inheritance from her (not a massive inheritance but likely to be bigger than DD1s inheritance from her father)

DD4 : mine and DHs daughter together.

How do we make our will fair? Would you just split it 5 ways or do we make allowances for the fact dd2, 3 and 4 won't have any inheritance from anyone else but DD1 and SD will?

Do we split our inheritance in two (mine and his) and then split it between our children? So mine would be split 4 ways and his 2?

Hopefully this won't be an issue for a long time yet but I don't want to leave things until we're old and the kids will all want to have their own opinions.

Any advice welcome

I think it will be a slap in the face to his actual daughter. What message would it give to her?

Split it 5 ways. It's irrelevant what may or may not be coming to them from elsewhere - as you said "5 children between us". They should be treated as one family unit.

It's irrelevent who might inherit what from others. I agree that in this case you should each leave your own assets split between your own kids. If DD1 doesn't look upon your DH as a Dad then she shouldn't inherit equally from his estate as his actual daughters. That's unfair.

Easiest is the 4/2 split. And fairest.

We're broadly similar (two my dc, one DH's dc, one joint dc) and are going for a four way split in our wills. We're not sure if any of them will receive any other inheritances.

Thing is no one can be sure how much inheritance anyone will get, as pp said. Because of care home fees and stuff. I think either you each divide your own amongst bio kids. Or you pool it but SD and your shared child might resent that.

I think the fairest way is to split it down the middle. You then split your half with your kids and he does half with his. It’s not the fault of the other children who’ll inherent from others. It’s just what life is. Hopefully if your hubby does see your other 2 as his own he’ll leave them some from his half. T

it sounds like yours should go four ways - all your bio children, and his should go four way - his two bio children and the two he considers his kids
that would also balance out the expected inheritance from your respective eldest children

oh Dd3 and 3, of course I consider you as my own, and I want to adopt you. well except where money is concerned. then you're all here....

You are unlikely to die at the same time, so how how do you prevent the surviving partner disinheriting the children that are not theirs?

Hi op are you talking about if one of you go or both? I think this is relevant.

You split it equally..if you want them to remain a family after your dead

I get your logic but when your parent dies logic leaves the building. What can seem sensible to you now may translate as they didn’t love me. For that reason do it evenly between the 5.

This 100%.

I'm not sure how the 'lifetime interest in the home' works out in practice. The survivor may need to move somewhere smaller and have no money to do it with if the family home immediately passes to the children.

You should split everything equally its the only fair way.

It depends on the amounts. If the two getting inheritances will be eg £200K each, and you only have £200K total to divide, then I’d prioritise the other kids and make sure you explain why.

if it’s the other way around (other inheritances are £20K and you have £2M to divide, then it makes no difference either way….. most likely it’s something awkwardly in between……. But I’d basically prioritise everyone having something to help them be ok. If everyone is definitely going to be ok regardless, then I’d divide it equally and ignore the other inheritances, which are always uncertain anyway.

This isn't true. Married people can leave their assets to whomever they wish, just like anyone else.

How much is it OP, ballpark? Will it make a huge difference to their lives if you choose to split equally between 5 or otherwise?

Splitting it five ways isn’t fair to DH’s eldest child.

The idea that they will remain a family if Dd1’s share is compromised might mean DD1 walks away in disgust with mental health shattered because her dad regarded other kids the same as her!

My daughter knows that she is uniquely important to me and my husband is a loving and generous stepfather, not father! His daughter is however his daughter and uniquely special to him.

iI think my in-laws should be more like my family, a bit more welcoming and inclusive generally but inheritance is different.

Normally I'd go for splitting in half and then each half goes to the biological children but I do think it's more complicated than that if DD2 & 3 truly think of your DH as their dad (and vice versa).
It'll be blindingly obvious he doesn't see them as his real daughters if they're left out of his share.I don't think that would be great if you want to keep the relationship between them the same (or worse could be a horrid realisation after he dies if he doesn't tell them before).

Once you're at that point I'd be tempted to either just go for an even split between all 5.

It should be irrelevant what other people leave the kids.

This is the last message that you send to your kids.

In any case there is no guarantee that they actually will inherit from other parent or grandparents.

Yes. Equal is the only fair way.

It depends on how they own their house.

That she is an equal member of a family? No less or no more deserving than anyone else?

I think given the complexity and the age of the children and how long you have been together 5 ways equally would be very reasonable.