Blended family & Inheritance. How the hell do we make it fair?

[WeWereDoingSoWell]

Me and DH have been married for 5 years, together for 12. We have 5 children between us. I will try to make this as simple as possible whilst including all the relevant information.

I have three children from previous relationships. He has one child from a previous relationship. We have one child together.

DD1 : her dad is involved and she will probably get a small inheritance from him. She was older when I got with my DH and doesn't really view him as a father figure

Dd2 & dd3 : they have the same dad (not my DH) he is not involved, is in prison and they won't get any inheritance from him. They were young when I got with my DH and they think of him as their Dad.

DHs daughter : her Mam is involved and she will get inheritance from her (not a massive inheritance but likely to be bigger than DD1s inheritance from her father)

DD4 : mine and DHs daughter together.

How do we make our will fair? Would you just split it 5 ways or do we make allowances for the fact dd2, 3 and 4 won't have any inheritance from anyone else but DD1 and SD will?

Do we split our inheritance in two (mine and his) and then split it between our children? So mine would be split 4 ways and his 2?

Hopefully this won't be an issue for a long time yet but I don't want to leave things until we're old and the kids will all want to have their own opinions.

Any advice welcome

Why what? Why would someone not split their money equally between their own children and the children of someone else? Seems pretty logical, no?
Some people people could view step children as their own, equally it’s understandable that someone would not want to reduce the money they might leave to their biological children by a huge percentage in order to give it to their partner’s 3 children that came before.

There are many ways to not have to do this so that the appropriate percentage follows the blood line. "Equally" often presents as the easy option, but it can cause all sorts of upset - and I say this as someone who is going to fare badly if my DH's parents were to ever follow my advice 😂

OP, a good solicitor will explain your options free of charge, and then draw up the wills for (usually) a fixed fee. They make it simple, and they will reassure you.

This.
My DS will inherit more than my step children because I have one and DH has 3. That's just reality, we both made choices.

I dont think thats reasonable at all. You're a family, end of. Children shouldn't gain or lose financially because of who shagged who first. These children are siblings and in that respect they are equals

From the OP you’re talking as if you’d die af the same time which is realistically unlikely. You need to decide whether you would pass to each other first and then what would happen to assets flowing from that. Eg what would happen if your DH died first and then you lived another 25 years.

It could cause each of you financial issues if you died and then had the children inherit directly rather than having assets pass to each spouse first. There is a lot to think though re different scenarios.

I think it’s completely reasonable actually.

I have 2 children, they will have about 100k to buy a property when they are in a position to. I certainly wouldn’t be dividing that by 5 and only giving them 40k because I got with a man down the line who had 3 additional children.

I think usually you leave your half to your kids but with a "partner can live in the house till they die" caveat. How many ways does your DH think he should split his share? Does your DSD get on with her step sisters? I think is she does and she firmly sees herself as one of 5 then a 5 way split is fine.

This, this is what we 've put in our wills. some of them might get inheritances from their other families but there's no guarantee I can only guarantee what I do 😄

Fwiw I think MIL's share is split between her kids and step FIL between his kids with maybe a small "thanks for being a great step GC" amount for the step DGC.

It’s a dangerous game presuming inheritance from the other fathers/mother. Care costs or other unexpected expenses may mean that the money you think they might inherit one day has evaporated into the ether!
I would leave all 5 equal amounts at the moment ( you and DH run over by the same bus) but reevaluate regularly, every 5yrs or so/major life changes.

Ok my sister has a similar set up.

Basically on paper they are saying half of the joint assets are hers and half are his. So they then divide their share by however many biological children they have. There is some sort of trust so the surviving spouse can stay in the house for life.

it does mean that ultimately the kids they have between them will get more money than the ones who are just his. But his kids have a mother who they may also inherit from. And I get my sisters point that she doesn’t want to leave her money to people who aren’t her children.

I don’t think yhe two dc who may inherit elsewhere should miss out. Theres every chance it could disappear on care etc

I’d say split house 50/50 then divide between own biological children. If there is more money I think it’d be a kindness to leave them all a cash gift especially from the parent that goes first. I know my friend appreciated getting a house deposit tupe smount off her stepfather, his own kids slso got the same plus half the house to be realised when property was sold or after stepmother’s passing. Rest of money went to spouse and was divided along with all other moveable property equally amongst all the children at her passing. Her share of house went to her kids.

And if that man with 3 children had 10M to leave after his death I can guarantee you would be changing your tune

In what will hopefully, by the time you pass, be a very long established blended family, I'd split it 5 ways.

However, will you first leave it to each other? If so you need to be aware that you'll have no control over it if you die first and it could well end up all with DH's children or even with the children of any new wife. (Or the donkey sanctuary).

I’d spilt the money then divide between you own children. However, if he adopted your kids then they would become ‘his’ kids and, at that point you might as well split it between the 5 of them.

This is a complicated set upto say the least. Up to Individuals. But I would pass on my money to my blood relatives.

What they get from other people is irrelevant and not truly predictable. You each have half the estate. Then your halves are split between your own offspring.

But that would be up to the man with the £10m.

Split equally

Cool story.

Divide 5 ways. I’m not expecting my dd to get half her father’s house, but a third has he has two step children.

If you are both happy to split it 5 ways then fair enough. I personally think it is better to keeps assets separate. I would share your assets with your 4 children and he share his between his 2. I dont think other necessary to consider other potential inheritance and quite frankly they aren't guaranteed nor should they be relied upon.

This

The children aren’t siblings and they’re not all equals.

Their lives will be unequal in many ways.

That’s life in a blended family.

Do we split our inheritance in two (mine and his) and then split it between our children? So mine would be split 4 ways and his 2?

At the moment, this is the fairest way. But your DC are all still young and let's hope you and your DH have a long & happy life together !

You can revisit your wills every decade or so.