Aibu to ask for worst wedding stories ?

[Dippt]

I’m sat here sick and I was scrolling facebook and in my memories were photos from genuinely the worst wedding we’ve ever been to. It is hands down the funniest and worst all in one.

It was up old man conniston in a holiday home with the bi fold doors open so we all crowded round to watch them get married in a sitting room.

bride was 2 hours late and the registrar finally said if she didn’t turn up asap she’d be leaving because she had another wedding

because the bride was so late the shellfish buffet was binned before the wedding because it had sat out for too long

it pissed it down all day

favours were mugs with our names on them and because it was so cold and rainy people were clutching them to their chests but they’d used sharpie to draw on the names, it came off when the mugs were filled with hot coffee so we were all covered in sharpie

No other food was put out as the shellfish buffet was very expensive and should have been enough for everyone.

they had a barrel of beer and everyone was smashed

Brides family fucked off for a steak dinner as they had little kids, came back to watch the first dance

Second dance as a married couple was to ‘no woman no cry’

we went for a curry in the village at 1am.

They didn’t last a year.

Work colleague’s wedding many years ago. In a small ‘picturesque’ village which was miles away and we didn’t have a car at the time so cost a fortune to get there. It was a huge church wedding. I ended up seated in the church next to the most awful woman in the office, who moaned the entire way through. The service was super religious and went on for about 2 hours, with no breaks or refreshments. When it finally ended and we’d stood awkwardly outside in the cold for ages waiting for the photos to get taken, we walked to the reception venue. When we got there, they had forgotten about us work colleagues. There were no seats for us, so everyone else was seated in a big room, the door was closed and myself and all the other work friends (who didn’t really know each other) sat outside in the corridor and ate our food off plates on our knees. We could hear all the speeches and people coming from the main room as we all tried to stay cheerful and make polite conversation with each other.
We didn’t hang around for the evening do.

Gazebos in a back garden.
A male neighbour starts flirting with many women and eventually they all climbed over the fence to his house for group sex.
One of these women left her autistic 8 year old at the wedding and he became distressed and whacked another child across the nose with a golf club. Child taken to hospital.
Loads more happened too, it was like an episode of Shameless

I worked at lots of weddings as a student. At one, our totally coked-up manager yelled ‘the bridesmaid with the massive tits is a vegan’ across the kitchen. Unfortunately, the bridesmaid in question was the bride’s sister, and their father had popped in to have a look behind the scenes.

He spent a long time threatening that the catering company wouldn’t be paid, with no food served until someone calmed him down.

I also have an ‘evening guests stuck in the foyer waiting for dinner to finish’ story. In this case, one of the people waiting was a government minister, and lots of the other guests were lobbyists. The poor minister had to politely put up with people pitching him random policy ideas while we waited, stuck in a small space.

The wedding we never went to. DHs cousin, whom I’ve never met still as they weren’t bothered when we were in his home town or came to any events.
Cousin and the groom had been ‘dating’ for over 25 years, never lived together or been away together, saw each other once a week. Suddenly announce they are getting married, very short notice. On a Wednesday afternoon. I refused to take the time off as we’d be expected to stay to the weekend so 3 days holiday (over 300 miles away).
Paid for a massive reception, invited loads of people. No one went. We got grief for not going because they had organised a magician for the kids. We had no children. No other children went because it was a school day and apparently they were really angry about that.
Last I heard he cheated on her but they were still married. Mid 40s when they got married. All just odd.

Friends wedding had 5 speeches. All shit. Best man went on for fucking ever rambling, hadn’t prepared and just ‘freestyled’ and was drunk.

@PammyPrang but what if the staff member had got it wrong? And your DH never spoke to them again and the groom thought he’d just not turned up after RSVPing yes and so he’s not speaking to your DH because of that? I don’t understand why you didn’t get someone to ask the groom who invited you. Maybe you should reach out now and clear the air 😆

The milk thing is the wildest thing I have ever heard 🤣🤣🤣

Yours made me laugh out loud 🤣🤣🤣

You’ve met my mother in law I see

A wedding isnt a wedding without a cantankerous old gran/aunt making loud inappropriate comments, Best man making sexual comments in his speech, a groomsman shagging a bridesmaid in the bogs, someone barfing on the dance floor, someone snorting coke, a fist fight,
someone shitting their pants, and the bride and her mother in tears 🤣🤣

The groom was chewing gum throughout the ceremony, even at kissing the bride. The flowers were plastic. The reception was a strange set up in a local club, the main party and close family seated at tables and the rest of us were sested randomly around the outside. The buffet ran out so they ordered in pizzas. There was a raffle (prizes were bottles of spirits etc). I had to break up a fight between my brother in law and and a man who was at the bar of the club. MIL had booked us into a rank hotel. We left very early the next morning.

A very religious wedding in an evangelical type church. Groom was in DH's university friendship circle. Ceremony started well and even the non-church attenders were enjoying the singing. Then each and every single person was passed the microphone to give a few words to B&G. Nice idea, I suppose. No. This turned out to be every member of the congregation trying to outdo one another. We had effusive praise for bride's charity work, we had Bible passages, we had monologuing prayers, we had beseeching the community to support the couple. Every single adult, and there was 150 odd people, both invited guests and ordinary church members. We are actually practising CofE but this was next level intense, and it took well over an hour. Some of our group decamped to nearby pub mid way through, but DH and I felt it would look rude.
Eventually we got through it and got to the reception hotel. Uni friends had obviously been down the priority list and we were amongst the last table to be allowed to go up to the buffet, so we basically ate salad with a few chicken thighs between the table.
We all left early and went off clubbing!

Another where we were the last to be called to the ‘afternoon tea’ buffet and nothing was left but one open ham sandwich. I was absolutely starving. Why do so many people do this? It obviously doesn’t work. At the same wedding we got to the reception after the ceremony and it wasn’t ready so we had to sit in the bar and wait. The father of the bride joked about his daughter shagging about and called her ‘hot but thick’ in his speech.

Another wedding was lovely but the groom’s speech was basically about his best man, adding that the best part of moving in with the bride was that the house had never been so clean.

I went to a wedding that was the bride's third. It was a smaller affair and some of the bride's friends provided the food. Nobody had considered beverages at all, though, so there was absolutely nothing to drink. Rather than correct the situation herself, the bride suggested that anyone who wanted a beverage should go to buy one at a local convenience store.

I’ve seen this in a previous thread

Yes, I have recounted it before!

This time I left out the fact that they were begging me to ‘jump the fence’, that I had to carry my DP’s ex down the stairs because she was so drunk she couldn’t walk, the groom was a recovering heroin addict….

Unfortunately it was the one where they hadn't really explained that the reception meal was only going to be a scone and a sandwich each. I was absolutely starving as the time of the wedding meant I hadn't eaten lunch. My then boyfriend also decided to put me down in front of all my friends, who all fell silent, which was embarrassing but not the couple's fault.

I also didn't enjoy the one in a freezing cold castle in winter. I kept my coat on the entire time and also started developing a bad cold halfway through the day.

Most weddings I've been to have had some good things even if other things were lacking though.

DH once went to one which he said was like a funeral. Clearly something had happened between the couple and their families but he never found out what.