Aibu to ask for worst wedding stories ?

[Dippt]

I’m sat here sick and I was scrolling facebook and in my memories were photos from genuinely the worst wedding we’ve ever been to. It is hands down the funniest and worst all in one.

It was up old man conniston in a holiday home with the bi fold doors open so we all crowded round to watch them get married in a sitting room.

bride was 2 hours late and the registrar finally said if she didn’t turn up asap she’d be leaving because she had another wedding

because the bride was so late the shellfish buffet was binned before the wedding because it had sat out for too long

it pissed it down all day

favours were mugs with our names on them and because it was so cold and rainy people were clutching them to their chests but they’d used sharpie to draw on the names, it came off when the mugs were filled with hot coffee so we were all covered in sharpie

No other food was put out as the shellfish buffet was very expensive and should have been enough for everyone.

they had a barrel of beer and everyone was smashed

Brides family fucked off for a steak dinner as they had little kids, came back to watch the first dance

Second dance as a married couple was to ‘no woman no cry’

we went for a curry in the village at 1am.

They didn’t last a year.

Also another one of dh pals, the brides dad made the most vile speech, along the lines of he never thought anyone would marry his slut daughter, left straight after the speeches and glad we did, the only food was 3 trays of samosas and 3 trays of pakora.

@Helpwithweaning1

Have a lovely day tomorrow.

Hope none of your guests feel the need to contribute to this thread!

Haha cheers to that, thankyou

😂😂😂😂😂

My own wedding my sister wore a white dress. Her logic was my wedding dress wasn't white so what was the issue.

Attended my cousin's wedding, the cheapest wedding ever. Conveyor belt registry office wedding. Saw four other brides. Food was worse than a kids party buffet, wine was undrinkable. To top it off, the father of the bride referred to the groom as the bride's ex husband. Marriage lasted under a year.

Used to be in a band and we played at many weddings. At one wedding, we faced a very pompous wedding planner who had an issue with our drummer playing percussion during the afternoon set. So while we played without him, our drummer hit the bar.

By the time the evening rolled around, our drummer was pissed and had befriended the best men and co. We needed him for the main evening set but he was totally smashed. The wedding planner tried to intervene and ended up getting physical with our drummer who stumbled back and knocked over one of those gas burner heaters. This was inside a marquee and the entire thing went up like a fire ball. It didn’t take long for the entire marquee to light up the night sky and by the time the fire engine arrived, it was beyond any saviour. Thankfully nobody was hurt but it wasn’t the way the happy couple imagined the night going.

Mine was for a friend's third wedding. For weddings one and two, she made it very clear she'd prefer cash over gifts. Fair enough. By wedding three, though, she seemed determined to leave absolutely no room for misunderstanding.
The same "cash not gifts" rhyme appeared on the save-the-date, was repeated on the invitation, and featured on her Facebook page. Then, as we sat waiting for her to walk down the aisle, I flipped over the order of service and printed on the back was a QR code with a little note inviting guests to contribute to the wedding fund. Honestly, it was less a wedding invitation and more a multi-channel fundraising campaign.

I know I shouldn’t, but this cracked me up laughing

I went to a wedding a few years back, registry office then a hired church hall with caterers brought in. We all entered the hall and a large friendly dog trotted in behind us. We assumed it belonged to the hall caretaker. The dog was trotting among the tables and being fed sausage rolls, sandwiches etc.
Turns out it wasnt the caretakers dog, it lived down the road and attended the hall every time their was a function on. Not the most hilarious or disastrous wedding do but it always makes me chuckle when I think of it 🤣

At a wedding I attended, the bride's grandmother was notoriously cantankerous, going deaf and (unknown at the time) was heading towards dementia. As the bridal party processed down the aisle, she made unkind loud comments on every one of them. '[Bride] doesn't look very nice does she, her hair looks shocking, I don't thibk that dress suits her', 'look at the size of that bridesmaid - (followed by hooting laughter) '- don't let her go to the buffet first, there'll be nothing left for the rest of us', and 'I don't think this is going to last, do you?'. She continued at the reception, left several people in tears, and 'disappeared' shortly before the speeches, taken out by the bride's brother who persuaded her that it was the end of the wedding and her taxi was there!

We were once invited to the evening do for a very posh wedding. We didn't actually realise it was so posh until we got there. The venue was a hotel in the middle of the moors and there was a helicopter in the car park! The invitation for the evening do said smart casual and thankfully we had erred slightly more on the smart side of casual because all the guests who had been at the actual wedding were dressed very formally. All the men were in morning dress.

Anyway, the plan had been for guests to leave their cars at the venue and travel by coach back to the parents' house where we would spend the night and the coach would take us back for our cars in the morning. It was an extremely pretentious affair and not much fun and quite early on DH switched to soft drinks so we could escape and drive home instead. I was so glad because all evening I had kept noticing an unpleasant smell and couldn't work out what it was. The next morning I realised it was dog shit on my shoe, I must have stepped in it in the car park. Imagine if we had gone back to spend the night and I had trod it all over the carpets in their house!

A wedding I heard of but didn't go to. My friend used to work in a hotel that regularly hosted wedding receptions. She told me of one wedding meal where the main course was roast beef with all the trimmings and the pudding was meringues sandwiches with cream. Unfortunately someone in the kitchen mixed up the horseradish with the cream and one batch of meringues were quite a shock to the people who received them.

Thank you everyone for your stories.

Interesting the origins of the phrase around the bend.

In our local church when the required question was asked about whether anyone knew of any reason that the couple should not be joined in matrimony; one of the groom’s friends thought it would be a real hoot to shout out that he did know of a reason. The wedding was stopped (legally this has to happen) and the vicar had to speak with him to clarify. Technically I think the wedding can be cancelled. Anyway he explained his oh so amusing joke to the vicar. Later on one of the bridesmaids had a go at the vicar for stopping the ceremony.

wedding of close family member - best man decided on the morning he couldn’t/wouldn’t do a speech due to anxiety.(anyone that knew him would have realised he would have probably found it difficult but he shouldn’t have accepted the role of best man and should have resigned before the day. Anyway a replacement best man did an excellent speech considering he had about 2 hours notice!

Was it Mad Bertha in the attic?

😂

Not a wedding I have been to but a wedding horror story of sorts.

I used to own a Guest House. Brides parents called us to ask if they could book our best room for the night of the wedding, for the bride and groom, as the reception venue down the road didn't have accommodation.

We opened the door to welcome them, on their wedding night, to the bride who was absolutely hammered being held up by her parents because she was so pissed she couldn't walk. She had vomit literally all over her dress. Groom arrives round the corner next, being propped up by brides father. Equally as pissed.

Showed them to their room where bride proceeded to flop head first onto the bed dropping the vomit from her dress all over the lovely clean bed covers and duvet. She is pretty much passed out. The groom is on the bathroom floor barely conscious.

Next comes in another adult with a small child in tow, about 3 years old, who we are then told is their child, who is also staying the night here which was news to us.

This is when we actually asked them to leave. We didn't feel comfortable having a small child in the room alone with two parents who were obviously in no fit state to take care of them. And we couldn't believe that anyone in their right mind would think this was okay.

A disagreement ensued with the grandparents but we stood firm and said that no way was the child staying alone in the room with the bride and groom and they had two choices. Leave the bride and groom in the room and take the child away with them, or take all of them somewhere else. They eventually chose the latter and took all three of them back to their house, which we were actually pleased about.

My friend once asked me to attend a wedding with her as a plus one, and it was shockingly hosted.

We attended the ceremony and then drove to the reception venue, which was supposed to have part 1 in the ‘secret garden’ (risky choice since it was September) and then part 2 in the marquee for the dinner.

What happened was the wedding party went to another location for photos, and as they had 10 bridesmaids and groomsmen each, that made up most of the guest list. So the rest of guests had to stand around in a field, in our coats (as no one was allowed into the marquee) for 3 hours. No drinks were provided beyond a table with a few pallets of Costco bottled water. There was no bar. my friend and I eventually just went and sat in her car for an hour whilst everyone waited for the (very late) wedding party to arrive post photos.

Wedding party arrives and some canapés come out into the garden. They have 4 types of canapés on offer, but just one tray of each. The second they arrive, the wedding party jumped on them, so once the staff took the one sad tray of canapés around the garden, they could only get around 1/3 of the remaining guests before they ran out.

Finally went into the marquee for a buffet style meal. One bottle of wine on each table (to cover 8 guests per table!). There was no bar and no more wine available. The wedding party however brought their own drinks/bottles of spirits and made a not very secret attempt to hide them under some side tables by the buffet and help themselves to them as often as they liked.

Alcoholic drinks were also brought out specially for certain tables with the ‘uncles’ seated at them, but none for the guests. Again, no bar, so no option to even buy your own drinks.
people were invited up to have the food in table order, we were table 12 of 12, so most the food had run out.

My friend could not stop apologising to me and in the end we decided to go home by 7.30 (along with quite a few other guests) because it was so awful.

These are phenomenal! Personally I've been to pretty normal weddings, on the whole.

Went to a lovely wedding, beautiful venue in a country house, decent food, lovely couple.
I normally enjoy the speeches, but they had more than the usual and some of these speeches were long. The father of the groom speech was the loooongest ever and the only bit any of us really took in was when he told a story about a time when the groom had drowned a kitten as a child 🤯
completely changed the vibe.

I’d forgotten about this one, this morning. I used to work in a wedding venue as waitstaff. Legally I was not allowed to take money for alcohol (I was 14) and I couldn’t “serve” drinks, but I could carry pre made trays as long as I didn’t know it was alcohol (wink) so my trays were always “none -alcoholic champagne”. Middle of a wedding and the best man turns to me and asks what’s our top shelf liquor? I recite the names and he starts reeling off a list of alcohols he wants. I tell him I’m not allowed. He has a total shit fit, screams in my face, spit flying that “no 14 year old girl has tits that massive” I honestly felt so disgusted and degraded. I called my “boss” (a 19 year old girl) and told her I wanted to go home, got my dad to come collect me. Hated that one.
Another one, had a very glamorous American lady who was also very drunk. After she cut the cake, she rounded up all the waitresses and proceeded to give us each a slice of cake and refused to let us move until the cake was 3/4 gone. It was a lot. My bestie came up from the kitchen and proceeded to smash a whole tray of full champagne flutes all over the bride. Who laughed it off and genuinely did not give a shit.

Oh! There was the wedding where the couple were married on Halloween too. 15th century Manor House, loads of ghost stories, but one specific one about a maid who hung herself from the rafters after she was jilted by the son of the house.
They requested “traditional” attire, meaning 15th century maid outfits for all the staff. So I went upstairs to rake and relay the fire, swap the toilet roll (we had “just married” on boy roll!) and generally tidy up because the guests were all having their photos taken. Except the brides sister who snuck upstairs to leave a present on the brides bed. Well she walks in, sees 15 year old me looking like a 15th century maid, half covered in soot, and just screams her head off. She backs away as I’m trying to explain, but by the time I’ve composed myself, she’s gone. So I go down the servants stairs.
Next thing, all we can hear is dozens of people upstairs, freaked out. she’s convinced everyone she’s seen a ghost and it was making up the fire. I was sent up to investigate the noises, and slip in through the servants stairs (it’s a sliding wall) and am met with dozens of screams again.
The brides sister was eventually actually introduced to me and ended up actually poking me to make sure I was real. She was so convinced I was a ghost!

This must be more common than I thought! Once went to a uni friend's wedding where we discovered a handfull of us weren't welcome to the meal. Thankfully the hotel bar did bar pub grub but we were so surprised! We all lost touch with that friend almost immediately after the wedding. Subsequent weddings within the same group have involved us all joking about whether or not we'll be fed. E.g. "I'm only rsvping yes if I can come for the meal too".

My wedding, 45 years ago.

My husband's parents are both from Ireland although he was born here. A good number of his relatives travelled from Ireland for our wedding. One of my husband's fathers brothers (he has six) got up on the stage midway through the evening, having had a lot to drink, ripped the mic from the DJ and started singing Irish rebal songs.

Initially a couple of his brothers tried to get him down, but it ended with all six of them having a first fight, first on stage then the dance floor where a few more thought it would be a good idea to get involved and have a go. I don't know how but they were herded outside where the fight continued until the police arrived!

Thankfully nobody was arrested and the reception continued peacefully.

NC for this as could be totally outing … Hi to anyone who knows me 😜👋🏻
I worked in a wedding venue for many years and could be here all day but my starter for ten is when I was asked to present this cake to the top table during the speeches 🫣

ETA…. Image under review.. you’ll have to be in suspense 😬🫣😂

Worst best man's speech: I knew nothing more about the groom after the speech, it was simply a list of best man jokes from the internet, he didn't even reference how they knew each other, made no mention of the kids they had together, the fact the couple had been together as teens then found each other again in their 30s.

Worst evening entertainment: the bride chose between two options for evening live music and went for the one her Grandma would prefer "girls, you promise you'll dance?!" Yes! We love dancing! But not to bloody jazz. And not funky jazz but just random noises. Her grandma sat in another room so it wouldn't have mattered anyway.

Worst drinks reception between ceremony and food: December wedding, we were all freezing in this big old room while the couple had billions of photos taken, we all had to go outside in the freezing weather for group photos. The drinks reception was mulled wine and there weren't enough for the number of guests so I didn't even get a bloody mulled wine.

Worst wedding food: a hot buffet which started with the carbs choice first. mashed potatoes or rice? Mash wins! Stewed beef or thai green chicken curry. Eew stew, gotta go for the chicken. Then the salad bar of salady bits and coleslaw. And that's the story of how I ended up with a plate of mash, thai green curry and coleslaw for a wedding dinner.

And sometimes wedding disasters happen but don't affect how much fun we all have or the atmosphere. The ancient church my mate was going to be wed in burned down so they had the wedding in the church hall instead and we all had an absolute blast. One local wedding we nearly missed because I'd written the wrong date on our calendar and we'd booked the wrong date off work. Thankfully, a WhatsApp message about taxi bookings alerted us the day before and we managed to sort ourselves out in time! A family wedding 5 hours drive away when our car broke down at the venue and we had to be towed back the next day was actually a real treat for our child at the time - he loved trucks!