To despair at the crap some people feed their kids

[Apotofrealcoffee]

Currently watching a kid who can’t be more than age 3, tuck in to a packet of ‘squashie’ sweets on the bus. No sign of a tantrum, kid seems perfectly happy looking out the window, but out come the sweets. And to pre empt the ‘snobbery’ thing, the parent seems middle class to me and certainly eloquent.

I regularly see kids tucking into chocolate bars, packets of crisps, lollies, all on the school run. Many of them toddlers in their buggies dropping off older siblings. Parents meeting kids at the school gate with full packets of Oreos, bottles of pop, doughnuts.

I’ve been trying not to judge for years and have been repeatedly told it’s ’just one snapshot of their day’ but honestly, I feel like the time for judgement has entered. I have never fed my toddlers crap like that, let alone just after breakfast. My 3 year old has never had a fizzy drink.

Why, just why! AIBU to feel there needs to be some kind of very direct public health campaign at this point? Maybe even a ‘no sweets at the school gate’ rule?

I’m not sure if you’re being deliberately obtuse - but of course no illnesses are EXCLUSIVELY experienced by obese people. But being obese significantly increases your risk to these illnesses - again, just fact.

Squashie sweets are smelly?

I see some crap but mostly I notice parents handing their kids crackers, apples, blueberries, mandarins, cucumber and carrots.
I am mostly very impressed.

Op, suggest that your school fund a box of fruit and vegies at the gate.. And invites the dental van to school for free checkups and education about dental care.

I once saw a baby / very young toddler not sure of exact age but old enough to be sat up in a buggy and holding their own bottle, with the bottle being filled up with coke by the mum and given back to the child.
I couldn’t believe it.

I go into schools for work and for many schools the standard of lunch served is poor. Too many children not eating or eating minimal amounts.

I know of 1 child who was eating a cereal bar in loo at lunchtime.

It's all a balance isn't it?
Constant easy quick processed, sugary sweets etc. is not helping our bodies and minds.
Have a diet with no treats - watch them go feral at parties or in their teens when they have independence

No, it's not your business to judge an individual parent on any given day. I'm sure you aren't perfect, let's be real.

The wider societal issues, sure. Be concerned, what are you doing about it?

It's probably because they do it with their own kids and don't like it being pointed out.
Having said that alot of adults are doing the same. So what do you expect?

This is such a lazy argument. Children will want and see sweets and chocolate as 'high value treats' because they are marketed towards kids, discussed as treats and valued by other kids and adults.

We made sweets and chocolate normal rather than something that is gatekept, all 3 boys (18, 16 & 10) have a very healthy relationship with food. Youngest will generally ask us to pick up a watermelon when we ask if he wants a treat from the shop. Oldest prefers to cook a proper meal than bake a cake and middle one enjoys baking as a thing we do together.

Kids grow up very fast and learn from their peers what their parents have kept from them.

10.30 is not breakfast for a 3 year old. At 3 mine were up at 5am, they'd breakfast and snack in them by 10.30. so you'd be looking at a 3 yr old who had had porridge with peanut butter and grated apple, a snack of fruit and yoghurt or carrot sticks and humous and by 10.30 a sweety on a bus journey on a day out with mum as a great in that context doesn't feel like a big deal (mine didn't have sweets at 3 but I couldn't get too worked up about a child having a treat on a bus either way)

Not sweets, but frozen / bake at home pastries etc. I'd love to give porridge, home made pancakes, poached eggs, Greek yogurt with fruit, etc for breakfast before school, but with a child with ARFID who frequently drops even safe foods (happened last night at dinner, FML), I'd rather they went into school with something in their stomach, rather than refusing food, because they would rather starve than eat something that makes them gag/vomit (it happens regularly). No, they don't have a healthy lunchbox for school either. Despite this, they don't really eat any of it at lunchtime.

I don't approve. But it's a constant battle. Currently, I'm trying to find a new 'safe' food. But we seem to be in a waning period of eating which makes life harder and harder.

So maybe shelve your judgemental attitudes. I hate where I'm at with food and my child. But I'm starting to think any food is better than not eating at all, which is where we have been at times.

And yes, their health is being monitored. And they're underweight.

There can be a middle ground. Dosent have to be one or the other.

I have 4 DC, the oldest of wholm is now 19, youngest 11. DC1 was lovely weaned on home cooked food, all from scratch, healthy food only.... it was all bets off once she started secondary and was able to visit shops on her own!! She still has far from the optimum diet IMHO but does at least take on board healthy advice. And is very slm and never ill . I never needed to take snacks to school until I had boys, who always seemed starving when they came out . And if it was a matter of grabbing something unhealthy, so be it. They are both far more enthusiastic veg/fruit eaters than my oldest. And all have completely different tastes from one another as they've got older. So you can put the effort in upfront, but don't think they won't find the other stuff in due course. Despite schools also banging the healthy eating drum.

I notice your username suggests you have your own addiction with its known health issues. I'd put money on you normalising that infront of your DC. None of us are perfect.

My auntie used to give me sugar cubes to crunch on as a treat 🫪. Luckily I eat healthily as an adult, have never been overweight and don’t have a single filling 😊

Yep.

My son's packed lunch is ham sandwich, crisps, fridge raiders and a chocolate mini roll due to his restricted diet.

Very common in the 80s

This morning when I was walking the dog, I passed secondary school kids (be Y7, Y8's age). They'd been to the nearby shop and not selected the fruit options but eating snack bags of Cadburys products for their breakfasts.

But if everyone stopped feeding their kids crap, how on earth would you feel a sense of superiority??

I agree with you and don’t understand why anyone would do that.. on the other hand I raised ds on home cooked organic whole foods and now in his 20’s he eats the biggest load of crap.

•Many people do feed their kids crap

•The child on the bus - just one snapshot of their day/life

•Direct health campaign is a good idea, but needs to be very smartly done or just will be dismissed as patronising/ nanny state

•Middle class mums with toddlers don't really use buses

Exactly! I've tried all the tricks. Using fancy cutters to cut out veg shapes. Adding a dip, to add taste. Mini pots of little healthy bits, to avoid food overwhelm. I ask what sort of protein they'd like and put in what they've asked for.

None of it is ever touched. Even junk food comes home again.

Recently supported on a school trip and was properly shocked by some of the lunchboxes. I think it’s really disingenuous to pretend it’s ok. No 3 year old should be eating sweets or crisps at 8.45am. I don’t care if they are left over Halloween sweets or uncle Freddy’s birthday or whatever reason makes it suddenly acceptable. Our school has had to confiscate energy drinks from 6 year olds, had to send out letters asking parents not to pack huge bars of chocolate or big bags of Haribo for lunch. I despair.

I stated a fact too- eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental health issue. Why is that not also an important thing for us to tackle as a society? Being exposed to food morality and unhealthy obsessions with weight and health significantly increases the risk of eating disorders.

Evidence shows that shame and judgment actually make people gain weight. And modern obsessions with “healthy” eating have caused a rise in orthorexia and eating disorders, which are obviously not healthy either.

So perhaps the lesson here shouldn’t be “it’s everyone’s business to point out when a child is having some sweets” but instead that constant judgement around food has actually served us pretty badly in the past and made both problems significantly worse.

What we expose children to from an early age matters. Regularly giving them excess sugar and products containing potentially harmful chemicals sets unhealthy habits and normalises things they simply don't need. While we have control over their diets, why wouldn't we make choices that support their long-term health rather than undermine it?

Of course, as they get older, go on playdates, buy their own lunches and become more independent, we can't control every choice they make. Nor should we expect to.

I never gave my children sweets when they were little, and fizzy drinks were never part of their diet. Now they're teenagers, they naturally make better choices. Of course they enjoy Halloween sweets and the occasional treat, but it's not something they feel they need every day.

It's not about deprivation or being obsessive. It's about establishing healthy habits early, so that making good choices becomes second nature rather than something they have to learn to undo later.

OP, you are very judgy. And wrong.
Did you really suggest that it's understandable if children get food as a behaviour management? To deal with tantrums? But not if there is no sign of tantrum?
You know a lot about sweets. How comes? I had to search what is squashie. Sweets are honest, you know what it is.
Watermelon, grapes, oranges, peas, carrots, potatoes, bread, any carbs really, even brown rice, fruit really, dried fruit especially, random snacks eaten whenever, juices, even beetroot juice are not that good for metabolic health. Sweets can be better because they are often eaten in much smaller amounts.
No need to go crazy about anything.
Mind your own business and go and eat your sweets home so no other people will know you eat them.