To be really pissed off at a big arguement I’ve had with my husband about sexism

[budgiegirl]

DH and I are on our last evening of a lovely holiday. Bit we’ve had a huge argument this evening because he doesn’t seem to believe that sexism in the workplace still exists. He told me it doesn’t happen at my work (male boss, all others women), at his work (he’s the boss, all others are women), he doesn’t believe there’s a gender pay gap in this day and age. He said he doesn’t believe there’s sexism because it doesn’t affect him! When I tried to explain it doesn’t affect him because he’s a man, so doesn’t really notice it, he denied it.

Things got a bit heated, and when I tried to calm it down, say let’s put it behind us, and go out for dinner for our last night in this beautiful city we’re in, he refused, and told me I’m horrible because I always have to be right, I told him that’s because I am right, and have gone out on my own, because I’m not sitting in a hotel room for my last night here.

AIBU to be so annoyed that my DH doesn’t seem to think that sexism still exists?

Your husbands attitude is partly why theres still a problem!

I had a similar conversation with DH also on holiday. It wasn't a massive row but left a frosty atmosphere between us. He and a female colleague were both up for a promotion. He thinks he's better than she is at what they do - fair enough, possibly true, I wouldn't know. But his argument was that she would get the promotion because she was a woman ('DEI gone mad' type argument).

I said I was hesitant to agree with him that it would be bad, were that true. Women have been held back and undervalued for so long, it wouldn't be wrong for some positive discrimination to redress the balance, looking at work life as a whole, not just this one job.

He thought I was being unsupportive and assumed I was saying I thought she should get that job, not him. I was just saying there's still systemic sexism that comes from centuries of oppression and perhaps her sex giving her a slight advantage would be fair considering men's sex has given them the ultimate advantage through school, training and work - for centuries.

I think a little of what I said might have filtered through. Well done for standing your ground. I reckon he was defensive because he knows you're right.

Make sure all the tasks at home are 50/50,if he complains say anything else would be sexist.Make sure he unpacks his own case ,does the washing and puts it all away- anything else would be sexist, he'll get the idea.

But the OP was arguing FACTS, not opinions. Completely different.

Totally agree. What a nob!

It's fewer, not less, and economic, not economical.
I got frustrated with you.

Divorce him

Yes, you are. This is not an opinion; it's a fact. It's very dangerous to conflate the two.

This would give me the ick and to quote a well known mumsnet phrase the fanny would be well and truly clamping shut.
I'd be tempted to push him over the balcony and claim death by misadventure because he'd been drinking. 😂

Large enough companies have to publish their gender pay gap, ours is currently 8%...

Maybe she did, but if so she’s kept it pretty quiet from us.

The facts she’s marshalled to make her case, from the post:

”I think there is, you think there isn’t [but I’m right]”

”I’m always right becuase I’m always right”

”You don’t see it becuase you are a man”

eta: I think there is definitely sexism in the workplace (usually against women, sometimes against men). But I also think that “your boss is man — look, sexism!”, “there’s an earnings gap — therefore, sexism!” and “I’m right and you’re wrong — I just am” are pretty feeble arguments.

Unfortunately.

Oh there’s definitely still sexism.
in fact having a DD at seniors I’d suggest it’s actually got worse

This is about how you and your husband handle differences of opinion.

Nothing to do with sexism.

The two of you have to think and behave differently or the marriage will destroy itself.

Well the gender pay gap is a simple fact. He’s also being a dick not to acknowledge his perspective as a man is not representative. YANBU.