To be really pissed off at a big arguement I’ve had with my husband about sexism

[budgiegirl]

DH and I are on our last evening of a lovely holiday. Bit we’ve had a huge argument this evening because he doesn’t seem to believe that sexism in the workplace still exists. He told me it doesn’t happen at my work (male boss, all others women), at his work (he’s the boss, all others are women), he doesn’t believe there’s a gender pay gap in this day and age. He said he doesn’t believe there’s sexism because it doesn’t affect him! When I tried to explain it doesn’t affect him because he’s a man, so doesn’t really notice it, he denied it.

Things got a bit heated, and when I tried to calm it down, say let’s put it behind us, and go out for dinner for our last night in this beautiful city we’re in, he refused, and told me I’m horrible because I always have to be right, I told him that’s because I am right, and have gone out on my own, because I’m not sitting in a hotel room for my last night here.

AIBU to be so annoyed that my DH doesn’t seem to think that sexism still exists?

Because it's HALF right, but NOT the full picture. These things can't be boiled down into a sentence. Hence you get knee-jerk reactions on both sides.

Similarly, women get defensive also when men say "men are smarter because they're better at chess". Half is correct - men are better at chess (as measured by chess winnings etc). The conclusion "and therefore men are smarter" is wrong. Men might have better brains and time for chess, while women have other things to do like navigating the complex social circles, showing women are smarter at other things.

My husband gets a bit offended and he’s very respectful of women I think he feels like it’s an attack on him. I said to him try to view it more like it’s us and them rather than men vs women

Thank you for explanation.
Yes, I'm taken care of, when he dies. In case of him becoming incapacitated, he's got enough means to get a paid help.

He said he doesn’t believe there’s sexism because it doesn’t affect him! When I tried to explain it doesn’t affect him because he’s a man, so doesn’t really notice it, he denied it.

I think this reveals that he is generally thick / stupid.

What kind of job does he do? I can't believe he is successful based on his own merits.

Why is any of this relevant to the thread?

Start your own about your life.

A man insisting sexism in the workplace doesn't exist, would be funny if it was so infuriating!

Where did I say anything was boiled down to a single sentence? I said "in a discussion about sexism and misogyny", not a single "girls are better than boys" statement. That would clearly be nonsense.

May men take the mere existence of misogyny as a personal slight or refuse to believe it exists.

Or... men are encouraged to play chess, allowed to play chess etc, at higher levels and more often while women and girls are often discouraged and/or belittled (happens even as young as 10 at DD's primary chess club).

Ditto, my controversial opinion is that in many cases, women ARE worse drivers. It's NOT because that's an intrinsic reality, but it is about how women are socialised as drivers, and how they are taught.

This basically it’s hard to see something when you’re not the oppressed party. Do I experience racism? No… that not mean my BAME friends don’t I just haven’t seen it.

Men tend to have a strong belief in their ability to move up into management. Women often have imposter syndrome and that is patriarchy at play.

A lot of men think like this, it's not unusual.

Your point is valid although bringing it up on the last day of a lovely holiday which in HIS OPINION is saying to him your anti men is perhaps not the wisest idea.

Pretty sexist of you to assume OP brought it up.

If anything the first action is "he doesn’t seem to believe that sexism in the workplace still exists. He told me it doesn’t happen at my work"

YANBU. My DP would say shit like this occasionally until I pointed out that until he grows a vagina he cannot comment on the experiences of women. See also racism in the workplace. If you have no experience of something, it’s safer to STFU.

You would need to find out before saying this & yes,I agree I shouldn't have assumed it although to be fair thats how I read it. Whats the answer OP 😁

Being the petty person that I am, I would have to send him a link to one of the many reports confirming that both sexism and the gender pay gap still exist...Glad you went out on your own and hope you had a good evening.

No. If a woman wanted a promotion they could do the work required. The fact we don't isn't sexism.

No. That's lack of confidence at play. Explain to me how a man applying for a promotion is "the patriarchy"?

Who is oppressing women? We have gender quotas that benefit us. We have maternity leave, menopause policies and can even take multiple periods of maternity leave if we choose.

Where is all this oppression?

How does anyone know what 'the work required' is? Assume everyone does whatever tasks are allocated to them, fulfils their job description, and takes any additional training offered. Why is it that the men are still getting promoted? Are you suggesting that women are not fulfilling their job roles? What is the secret that gets men promoted more?

Where does the lack of confidence come from?
Why do women have less confidence than men, especially in the workplace?

The reason why women don't feel comfortable applying for senior roles is because they are demonised for being successful and called" aggressive'. They are often set to to fail to prove they aren't up to it, not listened to etc

Interesting you think it's the women's fault they are not promoted in the same way. Is there a man telling you this is the reason

Women have to prove they’re better than men to secure a promotion. Unconscious bias says most people assume a man will be “better”

see the recent plane crash in Florida and the comments about the female copilot and her ability to do the job. She was a) very qualified and b) the co-pilot. A male pilot was flying, but somehow the crash is the woman’s fault?

anyway studies have shown that women therefore only apply for jobs and promotions if they can meet every criteria. They know they have to prove they’re the more qualified candidate.

men, on the other hand, apply whether they meet essential criteria or not. Because they’re already advantaged by being male, and usually white.

so men will apply for promotions when they aren’t qualified. And quite often will get it over a qualified woman, because they’re male and perceived as the better candidate.

”the patriarchy” quietly convinces us men are better at jobs than women.

This reminds me of the time my now-ex told me there was no sexism in his career world (outdoorsy) because 'we let the women carry the bags just like the men.' Clueless.