AIBU to be upset about a comment my partner put on Facebook

[Ald73x]

Hi, I’m 10 years divorced, in my early 50s. My ex husband regularly cheated on me. Been happily single for 10 years. I started a relationship with my partner 9 months ago. He’s 11 years younger than me and I’ve really broken down emotional barriers and he’s a lovely man. However yesterday I got a notification that he had commented on a facebook post. He never comments on anything on fb, he’s hardly ever on there. The profile that he had commented on was a twenty something women, clearly posting for likes from men, quite provocative, skimpy clothing, beer drinking. Kind of, look at me, aren’t I the perfect girlfriend type stuff. Her ‘thing’ is that she loves drinking beer and sport. It was full of comments like, marry me, cracking figure etc etc. He posted a fairly innocuous comment, not sexual, but a ‘come to England’as she was complaining about the USA being anti drinking. It’s made me feel a bit weird that for someone who never posts, he’s actively engaged with this type of profile and feelings of mistrust have been brought to the surface. I feel silly but also a little demeaned and I’m surprised that he posted this publicly but I don’t doubt he didn’t realise I’d see it. I feel if I interacted on a similar type male profile in a flirtatious way he wouldn’t like that. AIBU. I’m usually pretty laid back but I’ve shocked myself at how this is making me feel. Am I being stupid?

Absolute creep. And this is what you've seen OP. Imagine all the stuff you haven't seen.

I am so depressed to read comments saying that this is a 'thirstrap' and therefore essentially not a big deal.

Neither my husband OR any of the men I am friends with would EVER make this kind of post. They would not be engaging with posts like this womans - they are not online looking for or chatting to or 'liking' posts by women they don't know

I know many men are - but you can choose not to be with that sort of man.

Please, do not believe this is all you have to accept in life - men who sit on the internet sadly interacting with random women for dopamine kicks

Why are you checking what the partner has posted or commented on? You're fucking weird and need to get a life!
If you don't trust them to live a normal life, LEAVE!
If someone feels the need to STALK their own partner, they are not for you or you need a check up!

Yanbu. What a massive ick.

You don’t need to check. So calm down with your caps lock. If you’re friends on Facebook, it comes up in your feed. I can often see when friends of mine have commented on public pages - I don’t go looking for it.

The whole thing would give me the ick. Him posting a comment on that type of account to a stranger is cringey enough but saying “come to England”… I doubt he means come for the culture. More likely “come to England because in my head that means there is a chance we will meet and then we’ll have sex because I’m deluded and fantasising”.

He’s a sad, creepy loser OP. Get rid.

Nope. The fact he is looking and commenting on these kind of profiles would put me right off.

If he is good in bed keep him as FvB. He is not good for anything else.

@Ald73x The profile that he had commented on was a twenty something women, clearly posting for likes from men, quite provocative, skimpy clothing, beer drinking.

What exactly is a "provocative" woman? That wording implies that women tailor their appearance to elicit a certain reaction from men specifically, and obviously women don't choose their appearance for men.

Kind of, look at me, aren’t I the perfect girlfriend type stuff. Her ‘thing’ is that she loves drinking beer and sport.

Except there are loads of men who don't care for beer or sport.

He posted a fairly innocuous comment, not sexual, but a ‘come to England’as she was complaining about the USA being anti drinking.

I don't think that's a big issue. I could imagine myself saying something similar to a woman that I had zero attraction to as a throwaway comment, that if she wasn't happy with something in her country, I could say "come to the UK."

I would say the exact same thing to the man. In my mind it's just a comment to say people are welcome to come visit.

... and I can add also that foreign women have said to me "come to X" to visit their home country. Again, they're obviously not attracted. It's a comment that anyone could say to anyone.

Ugh not the creepy Facebook men posters. He's showing you who he is and what he does, believe him. I would not tolerate this whatsoever. No difference to me between this and saying it to another woman in person, completely unacceptable.

Massive ick, I couldn’t date such a creepy loser