AIBU to be upset about a comment my partner put on Facebook

[Ald73x]

Hi, I’m 10 years divorced, in my early 50s. My ex husband regularly cheated on me. Been happily single for 10 years. I started a relationship with my partner 9 months ago. He’s 11 years younger than me and I’ve really broken down emotional barriers and he’s a lovely man. However yesterday I got a notification that he had commented on a facebook post. He never comments on anything on fb, he’s hardly ever on there. The profile that he had commented on was a twenty something women, clearly posting for likes from men, quite provocative, skimpy clothing, beer drinking. Kind of, look at me, aren’t I the perfect girlfriend type stuff. Her ‘thing’ is that she loves drinking beer and sport. It was full of comments like, marry me, cracking figure etc etc. He posted a fairly innocuous comment, not sexual, but a ‘come to England’as she was complaining about the USA being anti drinking. It’s made me feel a bit weird that for someone who never posts, he’s actively engaged with this type of profile and feelings of mistrust have been brought to the surface. I feel silly but also a little demeaned and I’m surprised that he posted this publicly but I don’t doubt he didn’t realise I’d see it. I feel if I interacted on a similar type male profile in a flirtatious way he wouldn’t like that. AIBU. I’m usually pretty laid back but I’ve shocked myself at how this is making me feel. Am I being stupid?

Looking and admiring are different from posting invites on someone's profile.
What was he doing on her page anyway?

Men in happy committed relationships don't do this.

I think you (and other people on this thread) are probably misunderstanding the nature of that kind of comment and content.

The account is a thirst trap account. Your partner knows that. He knows the content creator isn’t going to start chatting to him. He doesn’t even want her to. He knows the content is just there because she makes her living out of it. Posting a non-sexual comment on content like that - which will get shown to him by the algorithm without him even looking for it - is pretty much equivalent to someone being sat in a waiting room in the 90s where there’s a copy of FHM or Loaded among the magazines, picking it up and flicking through it because it’s got few pictures of an attractive actress in a bikini in it.

If you can’t bear the idea that your boyfriend will sometimes find women attractive and enjoy looking at them and make a throwaway non-sexual comment, that is entirely up to you and you are entitled to end the relationship for that reason if it makes you unhappy.

However, if you do end the relationship over it, then do that in the knowledge that there isn’t anything meaningful in that kind of interaction. He isn’t cheating by posting it and he has zero expectation of the woman’s attention. That still doesn’t mean you have to be OK with it, of course. You can still hate it and find it immature or cringey or whatever and it can still be your dealbreaker if it’s important to you. I just think there’s quite a bit of hyperbole on this thread in terms of what people are suggesting it means.

Immature and gross.

God that’s pathetic. It’s probably an AI account run by some man in his mum’s spare bedroom somewhere. I would not be able to respect a man who engaged with that kind of bait.

No you are not being stupid.
His behaviour has given you the ick.
Why a " lovely man" would do something so publicly cringeworthy beggars belief.
What do you feel you want to do about this?

It's the modern equivalent of flirting with the barmaid.

Not good. At least you are aware now

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. What I’ve realised is that I have unresolved issues from my marriage. Deep seated mistrust issues I never realised were there. I have NEVER been the jealous type, I’ve even talked to current partner about the fact that it’s human nature to find others attractive, just passing in the street without a second thought. You just don’t act on it. But my ex did act on it and seeing this post - which I feel is out of character for the man I’ve got to know - has lit that internal rage which I didn’t know was still there, that ‘all men are effing bastards’, which is a feeling I thought had gone. I’m projecting my old damaged feelings onto my new partner. I need to work on this. And I will talk to my new partner. Communication is key. We’ve both agreed that. Thank you

get of fb its crap

arghhhh! I voted wrong! He’s a dick. Run for your life

Totally get how you're feeling. I would read it to him and ask what he meant by it. Just to see him squirm
. That's men for you, not all of them, but quite a few....

It's likely that the profile is not genuine and is there to extract money in some way from credulous men. This probably isn't a real woman that OP is insulting.

Grim. They're nearly all the same aren't they, in the end..

It’s utterly cringeworthy behaviour from your partner. FB is full of that nonsense. Cyber equivalent of honking your car horn or wolf whistling.

This is why Only Fans is a thing - so many guys actually think they have a chance 😂

Why are you getting notifications when your BF has posted?

Personally I would see the Come to England as literally a comment about the drinking culture and not come here so I can shag you. Further I get all sorrs of random threads of people I don't even follow cone up on my FB these days but I never get any notifications of what my FB friends are posting.

So yes the fact that you appear to be checking what he is posting an where does suggest that your past history with your ex cheating is indeed clouding your judgment.

I have no idea why I got a notification. I even got an email saying ‘your friend has just commented on the thread’ - absolutely no idea how/why. It stood out as I’ve never had one before as he never posts anything

Many women only get to see the man and what they want us to see. You've had a little peek now how his mind may work and sadly it seems quite common.

For example, my brothers going back 30 years for were (prob still are) smutty, suggestive and degrading to women when with friends (and in front of me, their little sister) but in front of mum they'd never say anything untoward and mum would swear they were lovely respectful lads.

Saying that with your fella, it's not the worst, but I would be paying attention going forward to see if he is indeed a creep!

I doubt in this context the woman would even argue, she knows what she is doing. That's not even a criticism of her, it works!

Agreed.

But it is her thing. It's the whole point of profiles like that.

I am generally for all adults having freedom to be themselves in relationships and able to maintain social relationships with people but this isn't that. This is just a man randomly posting on a person who probably isn't even real, a fantasy for clicks and revenue. It is just yucky. Does he think she is going to read it and be impressed? Sad old git.

Som

With the whole Ai thing, I'm honestly shocked that men still fall for this sort of thing. I popped into ChatGPT "make a pic of an attractive American woman in a beer garden" and in 5 seconds there it was.

How are men still falling for this?

I don't think the age gap is too much, as some pps say. I DO however agree that he would probably prefer someone younger, in his particular case.

Ugh, I’m really sorry, he’s just another disgusting sexist pig who has learned to show his best side to the women he’s meant to be close to. I’m afraid an awful lot of us would be very disappointed if we knew what the men in our lives were really thinking. So very many of them are gross.

As others have pointed out, it sounds very much like a fake account. By interacting he'll have got himself on a romance scammer's target list. So he's stupid as well as a sleazebag.