Grumpy dh fun sponge

[humptydumptyfelloff]

Today I told dh he is an absolute fun sponge and I’m finding him really hard work at the moment

please tell me it’s not just my dh that goes through these phases of being really negative about life and every thing that comes out of his mouth is a moan 🫪

Is he depressed, I've a mate who was like this. Everything was rubbish, his work colleague quit because they couldn't stand it anymore.

Then he was diagnosed with depression and anger issues and is recieving on going treatment and is much better to be around...he back being funny and able to laugh at crap things that happen

More context needed…

@NotAnotherScarf
ive asked him if he feels low at points but he says he feels more frustrated than anything else but only at times
example yesterday he was his usual funny chilled self,and it’s not necessarily anything in particular just we will have a day where he moans about every driver on the road,then it will be queing to pay in a shop annoys him,then he’ll start a moan about what’s Happening in the country and how shit it is etc etc but it gets too bloody much to hear.

I was looking at Xmas decs today and lights and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is you dont need that and wonders off somewhere.

by this afternoon I couldn’t wait to go out for an hour on an errand just to get out of the negative moaning.

weve talked about it before in the last few months because he starts reading shit online and I’ve told him not too because it makes him like it and he’s fine again for a while but then he starts again

it is like living with victor mildew at times and I never thought I’d think that because he’s always been so funny and chilled and happy go lucky but I’ve had to tell him tonight he’s starting to remind me of my dad who I try to avoid when he’s in that frame of mind and he needs to sort himself out because me and the teen are getting really fed up of it.

it put me in such a low mood today and like many I have normal
life family kids business worries going on but hes bringing this awful vibe into a room when hes like it and its a trigger for me thanks to my parents so its making me not want to be around him

i do have to remind him how good our life is.
we have a great family that’s recently expanded,a lovely home,he has a good well paid job and I run my own successful business and most importantly our dc are happy on the whole abs healthy

he did apologise but it’s making me grit my teeth a lot x

Yes my DH does that. Cross between victor Mildew and Alf Garnet. It’s ridiculous lives a charmed life and carries on like he’s hard done by.
I go out for the day .
Often find the one thing that upset him is the one thing he hasn’t moaned about.

I also have one of these. Strangely enough he's not like that around others. It's constant, boring and miserable to live with.

Mine can get like that. I have very little patience for people letting their bad mood contaminate the entire house. He does at least accept that he gets like this and that it’s not fair on everyone else and tries to manage it better these days.

Op based on your post he does seem depressed, especially if he is/was usually chipper.

I would sit him down and have a chat. Clearly he's not helping himself by reading/watching shit on line. Personally ive stopped watching some stuff and ignore things because it winds me up.

Perhaps it would help to see a councillor

The reading negative shit online thing / watching rage bait short form videos. It is an awful waste of time and also mentally damaging. I instigated a hat rule. He can rant about billionaires and whatever else but he has to wear a hat. If no hat to hand he has to put something else on his head like a pillow. It has brought some fun back into life and also let him realise how often he was doing it. "This is a hat conversation"

Depression can manifest itself in different ways. When I’m depressed I can cope with life as long as everything is going swimmingly, but soon as the most minor thing goes wrong it’s a downward spiral. It’s not always sadness either - anger and frustration are just as common.

Ah thanks for your responses everyone.
seems there’s a few of us with sometimes many victors then and not just mine. 🫪

he acknowledges it when I pull him up on it but can sometimes be defensive to start with and I just say well I’m off out then and go about my plans and leave him to stew in it for a while.
he does always then say he realises he’s moaning loads and he’s his usual self for a while but then it slips bak in again mainly I think because he starts reading things again online

he told me the other day I should pay more attention to what’s happening in the country and I reminded him I do know what’s happening but I choose to not dwell on what I have no control over because it just brings people down.

told him last night it exasperates me that we have what we have built between us all these years and I’m so grateful every day that we are all ok compared to a lot and he needs to give his head a wobble because my patience is wearing thin

told him he needs to go bak to the gym which is what makes him his positive happy self so we shall see.
in the meantime I’ve told him he won’t be coming to look at Xmas stuff with me this year and ruin the mood or next year he may find himself doing it on his own

what is it that's going on this country that he doesn't like?

Him looking at rage bait is a bit like an alcoholic drinking. He just needs to stop and to accept that he can’t even look at a little bit as it will inevitably spiral. If he’s so bothered about ‘the state of the country’ tell him to do something practical about it. Volunteer. Campaign. Just watching crap and moaning to his family is achieving nothing except alienating him….and that’s a choice he is making every time he watches something.

Would putting it like that help him, do you think?

Much better day yesterday.

long may it continue

there are some indoor maintenence jobs that have needed doing for a while and yesterday he made a list and started on them and was much happier.

I really think the doom scrolling does it to many people it’s so draining and just a massive waste of energy and time

I told him on Monday to get a hobby where he’s doing something physical rather than sitting so hopefully it changes his mind set abit

thanks for all your replies and sorry to say I’m glad it’s not just my dh that gets like it.

I work in an industry where I’m surrounded by women of all ages and the consensus seems the same everywhere at the minute.

I also take on all these women’s woes etc so when not at work I need to be around positive energy