Appalling behaviour and verbal assault in a theatre

[Fran2023]

We were at an internationally renowned theatre in Warwickshire over the weekend where we experienced the following:

The patron sitting one seat away from me, was talking to his companion and in a loud voice started talking about a person he referred to as a ‘Jew boy’ and described how his feet were so small. He then wondered, out loud whether ‘they bind their feet like the Japanese.’ (Sic) He also pointed at people standing and said in a loud voice, ‘Look at them in the cheap seats.’ During the performance of the play, he started talking several times, so I asked him to ‘please stop talking as he was at the theatre not the bar.’ He stopped talking until the interval, although during the performance he kept pushing his left hand between the legs of his female companion, stroking up and down and otherwise groping her. (This was a couple in their 50s or 60s!)

During the interval, after my husband had left to collect our drinks, the man verbally attacked me. He and his companion continued to berate me and argue for several minutes because I had asked him to be quiet during the performance. He then said that they (he and his companion) had had to listen to me laughing like ‘ a stupid horse-woman’ and then they both started making braying noises while pointing at me.

i immediately picked up my coat and bag and left to find an usher. I told the usher who called the duty manager. I explained everything, by then I was in floods of tears. Her solution was to offer us different seats or tickets for another performance, which we accepted.

My AIBU is that the couple who attacked me remained in their seats and nothing was done about them, surely they should have been asked to leave? The theatre’s argument was that there were no independent witnesses! I was left feeling that I was the problem as it was me who left!

We went to a production a few years ago in the Swan Theatre at Stratford and it put me off ever going again. Being in confined seating areas with people who have no idea how to behave in public is no pleasure and took the edge of a very expensive night out for us with travel. It's not a class issue either, sometimes it's the people you would least expect!

Thats awful!
Something similar happened to me in a cinema . i didnt confront the person,as experience tells me someone behaving so antisocially/entitled probably will respond with aggression and they enjoy that.
I went descreetly to the usher and explained the situation, she went to speak to the manager and they said leave it to them.
They descreetly came in and observed for themselves,when the poor behaviour continued ,the manager asked them politely to desist, they did for a while,then continued. The manager came back and asked them to leave.

How has Brexit made people more selfish?! Nice reach!.
😂😂

I think a lot of the time people (in this case both the op and the couple) are unaware of how annoying they are to others.

Stratford on Avon isn't great, unfortunately. It seems to attract some awful types. I went to see a Shakespeare production in Sheffield and the audience were very respectful throughout. It was enjoyable!
Even after Brexit 😉!

Can you think of a reason why people may not want to get into an argument with an aggressive antisemite, racist man, any at all....?
The OPs challenge in this situation was courageous. Not everyone feels comfortable with that. Can you work out why that could be?

That is the correct course of action to take. It is strange that no other person did anything about the disruption in the OP. Everybody just sat there silently, other than the OP.

Yes, I wouldn't have confronted him, but got someone from the threatre management.

It is surprising that no other member of the audience spoke up. The Swan is a small theatre and the OP says she was in “one of the galleries”. There are two rows of seats only in the galleries, arranged in ‘blocks’ of 4 seats in front and 4 high seats behind. It is an intimate setting and any disturbance will undoubtedly affect others in the 8 seat ‘blocks’.
Generally, I have found that the Stratford audiences are very well behaved (I have been a very regular visitor there since the 1960s) and I have experienced nothing like theatre behaviour often complained about on Mumsnet.
Only once has something disturbed me enough that I sought assistance from an usher in the interval (and that was in Gallery One in the Swan). A new seat was quickly found for me for the second half. No way were the “trouble makers” going to be evicted: apparently they were “the creative team” making notes (on very rustling paper) and whispering (loudly) at a reduced price preview 😁

i think in fairness, many front of house staff want to avoid confrontation(as that often disrupts everyone experience further) with the public and take the line of least resistance. And perhaps some fear litigation?
I do understand why some people remain silent in the presence of the antisocial because they do intimidate people.

People are definitely worse than they were. i've had to tell people to shut up I came to see the play not listen to them several times. And recently, in a West End theatre, the woman behind me got out a box of KFC and was munching away. How she got it past security baffles me, but also, why does she think that is okay? The smell of that stuff makes me feel sick. It reeeked out the theatre. Then she got out a punnet of grapes and chomped her way through them. We were in an expensivepart of the stalls, so presumably she had paid a lot and wanted to see the show as much as we did.

It seems to attract people who want to be able to say they went to Shakespeare in Stratford rather than wanting to go to see Shakespeare in Stratford.

Yes, I think you're right 👍🏼

I would have thought that other people would at least have been saying shush, or had gone to an usher, and complained about the noise.

Something similar happened to me, except the obnoxious couple were shouting at me DURING the performance. Everyone around me and on stage must have been aware, although no one backed me up. It really shook me up.

You did the right thing telling an usher. I'm glad you got replacement tickets.

On the plus side, I've been to the theatre hundreds of times and only three times observed altercations like that.

Yes, I would have got somebody if I'd witnessed this, particularly a woman getting verbally attacked.

If you are trying to sneer at provincial theatre, that has backfired. It is immediately clear to anyone who knows anything at all about theatre not only which theatre we are talking about, but also that yes, it is internationally renowned. Sneering at strangers on the internet really isn't necessary.

Although some years now Shakespeare only accounts for around a third of productions at the RSC. Currently it's big hit is a stage version of Game of Thrones and that isn't bringing your typical theatregoer to watch (which is both a good and a bad thing, of course).

I think you were put in an awful position. It would have been better to complain earlier to staff and not challenge directly to avoid the awful response.

You did nothing wrong and the response was not your fault but their behaviour was bizarre enough to make self-protection necessary.

I don’t understand how there weren’t any independent witnesses if you were in a row with others. It should’ve been the other people that left instead of you. I’m glad the theatre offered a solution but the couple should’ve at least got a talking to

This is just awful so sorry that you went through this on what would’ve been a lovely night at the theatre. I just don’t understand how people can be like this to others

What did the people around you say?

I'm presuming bugger all.

And that's why these louts are allowed to chip away at decent values and diminish society bit by bit.

We all sit in silence, while they call the shots. When did we become so frightened to intervene?

In an ideal world, they would have been told to leave and bundled out, if there was any hesitation on their part, accompanied by boos.
At the very least, it would make them think twice before they did it again,

I'm sure others there would have complained too 🤔

He was talking loudly so you had every right to ask him to be quiet during the performance.

But saying "please stop talking as you're at the theatre, not the bar" was unnecessary.

"Please stop talking" would have sufficed.

RSC I take it?