Who had the harder week?

[Budgiedrama]

DC’s dad and I do not share finances, but we do live together. We share two under 12s.
Last week (half term) I took the DCs away. I paid for everything (accommodation/ flights/ food). He sent £100. I then came back and sent him my share of the mortgage.
Everything that I’ve asked him to do today has been met with ‘well I haven’t just had a lovely week in X’, ‘you should have thought about that before you went away’ (like finding uniform/ doing homework).
He has just had a week of having the house to himself, two days off which he did the bare minimum with (laundry, hoovering, washing up). I have had a week looking after two children, yes it was a holiday but not luxurious/ all inclusive. Plus I paid for it.
We are not in a relationship so it’s hard for me to raise if I’m actually being unreasonable, I need concrete reasons as to why I’m annoyed that he seems to think I had it easier last week. I disagree and think parenting with sunshine is still parenting.

I refused to cook or clean on holidays. Obviously the children still needed to be entertained.

I've voted YABU because you are not in a relationship. You are not a team. He doesn't have to do stuff that makes your life easier. He should help the DC - yes.

It's slightly weird that you live together but I guess that's another thread.

A simple Ha you had a week off parenting back to the reality will probably suffice in this scenario.

My DH took our children on holiday to visit his family I stayed and worked he definitely had a harder time I chilled out each evening and once housework was done at the start of the week it stayed tidy and there wasn't 4 people's washing to do so had loads of free time.

Why are you even living together? This must be a depressing household for your children to live in with nitpicking and pointscoring adults.

Just go your own ways. How stressful and depressing.

Neither of your week sounds hard.

It can't be a good atmosphere. How wearing.

If your not in a relationship, but have agreed to share the house and finances, can't you arrange to split the chores, ie you both have certain things you should do each week or month, unless one of you is really ill.

There is not enough info for anyone to say. Eg age of children, how well they get on, what type of holiday you went on, what type of job your ex has, how long his commute is etc.

if you have a 10yo and a 11yo who get on like a house on fire and spent the whole time playing nicely together and your ex is a GP with a 2-hour commute each way, YABU. If on the other hand you have an 11yo and a 2yo and the 2yo wakes up in the night and the 11yo hates the 2yo and both need constant entertainment and your ex is a librarian 10 minutes down the road, YANBU.

Neither of you had a particularly taxing week. He had a usual work week and got to come home to an empty house with little to no responsibilities (just tidying up after himself). You were on holiday, granted with children so not super relaxing but a holiday nevertheless.

Your living situation is untenable for the vast majority of people.

This sounds like a hellish situation.

I have small children so if I took my kids away for a week I'd expect a LOT of good will when I got back but then equally, we are in a relationship.

I wouldn't dwell on this, it's not worth it. Instead, I'd be doing everything in my power to leave.

What is it with the war of the 'harder done by' that keeps popping on MN suddenly!

Who cares who has it worse. You won't agree, you'll have different perspectives. Is there really any good coming out of arguing trying to convince the other, which won't happen!

Just focus on coming up with a plan to divide tasks, so it's clear who does what!

He has just had a week of having the house to himself, two days off which he did the bare minimum with (laundry, hoovering, washing up).

You mean he had a week of working, then a weekend? While you were on holiday?

I'm child-free so I absolutely don't think a holiday with children is easy, per se. But I can't stand parents who weaponise this thing that THEY CHOSE TO DO as such a hard, hateful slog. Presumably there are things you actually enjoy about parenting? And ultimately you find it a pleasurable experience otherwise you wouldn't have done it? Most parents I know would opt for spending time with their kids in a nice destination over their stressful or boring job in a heartbeat.

I didn’t get that. She said they do not share finances.
He pays the bills and food costs.

But they live together and have two children.

We are not in a relationship so it’s hard for me to raise if I’m actually being unreasonable, I need concrete reasons as to why I’m annoyed that he seems to think I had it easier last week. I disagree and think parenting with sunshine is still parenting.

Why are you living together if you are not in a relationship? I don't think it matters who had the harder week tbh, the whole set up sounds unhealthy. You are focusing on the wrong thing.

She says 'we are not in a relationship'.

As you are not in a relationship, you should not be asking him to do stuff. You are not the 'household manager', nor are you responsible for the way he parents.

I assume the living together thing is just sharing a house pending it being sold or you both moving out?
You need to agree the 'child contact' days now, not wait until the move. So e.g. he has them on X weekdays, you have them on Y weekdays, and you alternate weekends.
Then, when it is his parenting days, you back right off, leave him to it, and simply don't discuss things like homework or uniforms.

@Budgiedrama you patented alone for a week and paid for it . Tell him that you have a week abroad booked for next month , alone . That he can complain then.

I stand corrected. Yes, you are quite right. Not said at the start, right down the bottom. Key piece of detail ! But says they don’t share finances at the start !

I’m sorry but this is ridiculous.

Why are you still in a relationship with someone who doesn’t even like you or his own children?

He’s literally a single man, whilst you’re parenting him and the actual DCs.

Or perhaps they should just agree a sensible co-parenting relationship as the current "living in the same house whilst not in a relationship and constantly bickering" situation doesn't seem to be working out.

Then yes, the OP can go away or do whatever else it is she wants to do when it's her ex's time with the children.