Who had the harder week?

[Budgiedrama]

DC’s dad and I do not share finances, but we do live together. We share two under 12s.
Last week (half term) I took the DCs away. I paid for everything (accommodation/ flights/ food). He sent £100. I then came back and sent him my share of the mortgage.
Everything that I’ve asked him to do today has been met with ‘well I haven’t just had a lovely week in X’, ‘you should have thought about that before you went away’ (like finding uniform/ doing homework).
He has just had a week of having the house to himself, two days off which he did the bare minimum with (laundry, hoovering, washing up). I have had a week looking after two children, yes it was a holiday but not luxurious/ all inclusive. Plus I paid for it.
We are not in a relationship so it’s hard for me to raise if I’m actually being unreasonable, I need concrete reasons as to why I’m annoyed that he seems to think I had it easier last week. I disagree and think parenting with sunshine is still parenting.

If they are his DC does he pay a regular maintenance contribution?

No because he pays bills and for food etc

You’ve just had a holiday!!!! Yes he had a similar type of week but why are you bothering to argue about this! Can you both not just say it was a week with good and bad aspects and laugh about it?

Does he/would he ever do the same? Take them away on his own for a week?

I used the get the same with my ex. I put in the effort to give them holidays and experiences. He would ‘prefer to stay home and watch the game’ rather than come on the family meet up or outing. And then act like he’d missed out on something.

But your set up of living together while separated doesn’t sound easy. If it’s for practical and financial reasons you just have to keep reminding yourself that it’s overall easier with him there and just do everything yourself. I did that for years.

If you live together, aren't you in a relationship? In fact how come he didn't go on holiday with the children if they are his children too ? Sorry if this isn't answering your question. Just can't see what the two of you are doing together..SOrry if I'm missing something really obvious

Me! I've had a much harder week than both of you put together, so ner!

Seriously, this is an adult relationship with children?

He shouldn’t be trying to duck out of chores because you had the dc all over half term. It’s not a matter of who had the harder week. The duties don’t cease and routines need maintaining. He needs to get off his arse and stop whingeing.

She literally said they’re not together

It’s a pointless comparison but generally the person working will have had a harder week than a person on holiday. If a holiday wasn’t enjoyable you wouldn’t pay money to go. I don’t think paying for a holiday makes it hard work, thats an odd point.

This seems like such a toxic set up though, you clearly don’t like him and one upping eachother about how miserable and hard your life is to get out of other chores sounds like a terrible environment for the kids.

You had the harder week and he had a week off. Anyone that calls going away with Children ’ a holiday’ is a mystery to me. I find it so so stressful. I don’t think I could do it alone.

My friends husband works away, he sometimes shows up in a Sunday. She had 3 small children and was looking after everything ant home, and working shift work herself. He came home one Sunday and the children were playing outside the house, she was watching them and was so exhausted she had to lean up against the pillar of the house. He came out and looked at her up and down and said ‘you have a lovely life haven’t you’

3luckystars
You had the harder week and he had a week off. Anyone that calls going away with Children ’ a holiday’ is a mystery to me. I find it so so stressful. I don’t think I could do it alone.

If course it’s a holiday!!!!! I know we can get demoralised with how hard things are but from a person who has kids who can’t afford a holiday any time in the immediate or even further future, packing up a bag and going somewhere different, having ice creams and wandering around a new place while not having the work, stress of the juggle and childcare and worries and cleaning of home is a holiday no matter how much your kids are acting up!!!

No one can ever win in the who has had the worst day/week/night competition. Better to just acknowledge each others hard times rather than try to work out the hierarchy. Not a good sign for a relationship.

I can think of a lot of people who’ve had a harder week than both of you. The “I’m more hard-done-by” olympics is a horrible and pointless dynamic. Nothing is to be gained from it. If you want help or something doing just make that clear.

No it’s not a holiday. I’m still doing a the laundry, cleaning, cooking, feeding, planning, entertaining and all the other 90 million jobs that go with having to look after children.
some people might enjoy that. I don’t.

A holiday for me is quietness and nobody asking me to do anything.

Stop living with this man. Debates like this are just pointless and depressing.

Childish bickering 'who had the hardest week' I hope your children don't have to listen to this.

@BatFeministI totally agree

I just had a lightbulb moment that maybe that’s why people go on ‘all inclusive’ holidays. That’s they really do get the week off!

No wonder my sister loves them. I really am a bit stupid to not have realised this until this very moment. I find family holidays really hard going. I only went for the children. Maybe I should have tried all inclusive.

Thanks yes, brain still trying to work.

Just Like comparing who is tiredest, this is a pointless and unwinnable argument.

”planning” is such an exhaustive part of your holiday and it has never occurred to you that you can plan whatever type holiday you want?

When you say 2 under 12s, do you mean 10 and 12? So 2 kids over 10? Or do you mean a 12 year old and a 4 year old?

If it's 2 kids iver about 8, then I think a holiday is pretty much a holiday or should be if you've raised NT children correctly.

Why are you still living together if you live like this comparing who has it hardest?

Also say he only did housework two days, but if only him at home then how much mess would there be?

I don't think the issues you mention of uniform or homework are solely his issues. Yes he could have made sure uniform was washed and ready, but he could argue you chose to take the kids away for the week meaning they had less time to do homework therefore that is on you to then get them to do it the day before they go back to school.

Sounds like a bit of a stupid competition to me, but personally, I didn't ever consider time off with my dc as being hard work. Depends on your dc, I suppose.

Your living situation sounds intolerable though. Separated but still living together and still bickering over trivial stuff? Sounds awful. Can one of you not move out?

No I meant planning, as in the taxis and trains and busses etc with timetables. And yes I agree that it was up to me what type of holiday I had but I did not have free reign, I have a lot of neurodivergence in the family and it’s quite hard to accommodate everyone.

i went away alone in February this year and had the most wonderful holiday of my life. It was just me and I could do whatever I wanted. I realised that I do actually like travelling, it’s the family holidays that are hard (for me).