Family have went ballistic over separation

[Usernames82]

No major story. Husband and I separating to try figure out what’s next for our marriage. Been very happy but a difficult baby journey and significant mental health issues both sides have just changed us. I’m not sure it’s recoverable but we’re on very good terms and living together for our child until we have a longer term plan.

I have a very odd relationship with my family needing control and excessive opinion on my life. I moved away quite young because of this at the advice of a mental health professional. They also adore my husband to an unhealthy level, and I’ve always felt they’ve never felt I was worthy of his love and the marriage.

Anyway I took our child to see family for half term, and I let them know this week about the split. I knew their reaction would be bad nothing could have prepared me for how bad it was. I’ve been subject to abuse after abuse from one sister, complete silent treatment from another, anger and accusations from both parents. I bit my tongue for the few days, but this morning leaving I burst into tears and sent some pretty harsh texts. I just am so exhausted from their ill treatment and reached the end of my tether.

Sister has since deleted me from social media, no one talking to me, niece doesn’t want to see me as she doesn’t want to get involved. And I just feel so alone and angry.

There was no one else, I’ve no cheated or abandoned my family. Even my husband who takes full accountability for his part in the marriage breakdown is angry with my family as I’ve done nothing to deserve it.

How do I move on from here?

This, you've done nothing wrong, your family are very screwed up and damaging to you.

Your family sound appalling. Honestly. I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve the way they have treated you AT ALL.

Have you ever explored why you keep them in your lives? Habit? Guilt? Fear?

Question what they actually bring to your life.

People forget that you are not obligated to maintain unhealthy relationships simply because….family. If they bring you misery, sadness and disappointment, question why you continue with seeing them/sharing your life with them.

You sound incredibly kind, switched on and wanting the best for your husband, your child, and you. Hats off to you.

Focus on you three and the best possible outcome for you all.

Please please please take a step back from your family. Do not try to contact them, just grey rock. Wait for them to make a move to contact you and when they do, if their tone is still aggressive and unsupportive, then walk away. Your child does not need to have such negativity in their life, nor their mother modelling poor relationships.

You are your own person with your own happiness to consider, do not allow anyone to stop you doing the best for yourself and your child. Walk away if you have to, I certainly would.

Overwhelmed by everyone’s kindness. Has really lifted my mood and confidence. I felt like a massive red flag yesterday - like was I the problem that they treat me this way etc. But I know that is not the case.

Going to just detach for now. Appreciate all the kindness and care. X

Maybe just keep your marriage struggles to yourselves for a year or two - until you both have reached a conclusion as to what is happening next and until you have exhausted all avenues of reconciliation, like counselling.
Good luck.