Putting three year old in pull ups?

[Blackcat1409]

Sorry if this sounds like I’m being an arse (I’m not!) but I don’t want advice on the actual toileting side; I’ve tried Eric etc.

DD turned three in July. She toilet trained really easily for wee in march so about right for toilet training (2 years 8 months.) I wasn’t bothered by the poo at first; it always takes longer and I was encouraged by how easy the wee was. However, it’s now November and eight months on we’ve made NO progress 😩

I know she’s withholding but I don’t know why: she won’t tell me. Tried to suggest she tells me when she needs a poo and I’ll get a nappy but she just won’t talk about it at all.

I don’t for a moment think she’s trying to be difficult intentionally or anything but just the same it’s really stressing me out. We had a day out yesterday and I had to keep taking her to the toilet for a change of clothes. I’m sick of shit, to be honest!

But she starts school next September and while I realise we’ve a long way to go I am worried by the fact we’re on the same position we were eight months ago

Tricky. I don't think you will help yourself by doing that though. I think you maybe need very regular toilet trips whenever you are out and a poo in her clothes means a natural consequence is the end to whatever activity as you need to go home and change.

I can’t possibly do that in practice though. I have another child; I can’t afford to just throw money at stuff and us not benefit from it, and what if she does it in the middle of preschool (frequent) or a boring everyday activity like shopping or the school run? Plus, I don’t think it’s a question of her being naughty so I don’t want to punish her.

Have you tried sitting her on the toilet when you think she needs a poo
And getting her to blow bubbles
This was suggested to me by a health visitor.

Please no advice, yes.

I had/have a withholder that started around the same age.

Likely the underlying cause is constipation. It’s hard and hurts to go, so they hold it in and that makes it worse.

Make a GP appointment for some laxatives (the one we use, movicol, is currently having huge supply issues though). The big challenge here is getting them to drink it. We mix ours with chocolate oat milk but it took some trial and error to get there.

Reward charts helped us too as did books like ‘it hurts when I poop’

Its a long road but it does get easier.

Do you have a routine for pooing?
After breakfast and dinner every day, have 20 minutes sitting on the toilet/potty with knees higher (squat position) - use a stool to put feet on if necessary.
Have you tried reading Poo Goes to Pooland?

I don't think putting her back in a pull up is going to help though, you're just delaying dealing with the problem.
Treat for constipation, lots of reassurance, time on the potty etc.
Take a week off with no days out to really concentrate on solving it.

@maggisimpson i do try but she poos at different times every day so it’s hard to manage.

We had almost exactly the same scenario over the summer. I was beside myself I was in tears over it! My daughter also would not discuss what was wrong or why she wouldn’t use the toilet when she would for a wee. But stool withholding is really common and we got there eventually. What worked for us:
-Saw GP who prescribed Laxido which is flavourless. Gave 2-3 sachets a day initially to get things moving and to make it easier for her to go
-During this time I did actually put my 3 year back into pull ups- it felt like while she was having stuff to make her go it was becoming a viscous cycle of her having accidents, feeling embarrassed, then not wanting to poo and me getting stressed and upset. It wasn’t working for anyone involved! The pull ups for us took the pressure away whilst we concentrated on sorting the constipation
-Laxido for 4 months at least with a reward chart and some books recommended for stool withholders (Squidgy the Poo I think it’s called). We talked about poo endlessly which was weird but we wanted her to stop seeing pooing as a negative thing.
After we got into a routine of trying and going most days then I put her back into pants. Still a few accidents but she had more control and it was easier to be able to talk to her about it. Hope that helps

I really don’t think she is constipated and I don’t want to get info a cycle of relying on laxatives.

I felt the same and resisted it for ages. Sadly that has just made the situation worse. The bowel stretches and now she has to be on movicol until her body catches up with her bowel. Likely around the age of 10 (This started when she was 3 and we put off medical help until she was 5).

The medication stopped her holding on which allowed her to get past the psychological barrier.

A toddler having multiple poos/poo accidents per day is a common sign of constipation. It can be overflow/leakage caused by a mass of hard stool in her bowel. If untreated it can cause an impacted/distended bowel. The laxatives would get rid of that, if it's there, and then you wean off them. It's worth talking to GP.

Just to add the Laxido I mentioned isn’t a laxative, it’s a stool softener so just makes it easier for them to go

get a step stool and toilet seat designed for toddlers. some toddlers are afraid of pooping because they think part of their body is leaving them. Silly, but that's how they see it. Step stool makes pooping faster, while toilet seat won't make them fall into the toilet.

My son was like this hes hold it until he got a pull up. I had tried absolutely everything all the advice.

He eventually after maybe a year of this finally pooped in a kids plastic bucket. Then after a couple of days moved to the toilet. The toilet and lack of nappy was the problem. Once he was used to no nappy he tried the toilet. Now he has no issues.

Honestly the weirdest things works with kids. Keep trying.

Her stools are already very soft but thank you.

She uses a potty (advised by Eric; I know MN hates them.)

@takealettermsjones it is because she holds them in or tries to.

We had something similar, but for us she went backwards from being almost fully potty trained to withholding and having accidents - and it was constipation.

In our case it ended up being fecal impaction which led to me having to take time off work while we sorted it out, and our delay has led to DD now having IBS in adulthood.

Please, please speak to the GP, even if you don’t think it’s constipation. They will likely suggest Movicol or Laxido + pull ups while it sorts itself out. It does work, honest, and it’s better to sort it now than to wait.

To agree with what others have said, my now 11 year old still has daily laxido due to constipation and a hernia as a baby. Her bowel had become stretched but she still pooed small amounts at random times that she couldn't control as it was coming out around the blockage.

A year ago we went away and forgot her laxido and for a week or so afterwards she had exactly the same problem that she again couldn't control and had to stay at home until the blockage had cleared.

Whilst she potty trained absolutely fine it took years for her to be dry at night which the continence team also thought was due to constipation irritating her bladder. In case that's something you've noticed.

Don't worry about school, just give yourself a break for a few months and try again next year. My youngest was trained for wees in the October before starting school but poos was something like June or July. We did go back to pull ups, mainly due to illness but it was a massive relief to actually be able to go out and go to people's houses without worrying about poo falling on the floor.

You are going to be dealing with shit either way so what about washable training pants which contain it more than regular underwear but won't make her regress on the wees?

The softener helps to soften the blockage and move it through. If she’s been withholding there will be a blockage. Hopefully small at the moment so a clear out and reset might be all that is needed.

Believe me I WISH we’d done that when she was 3 rather than hope it would get better by itself or train it out of her.

It doesn’t really make much difference to poo, only wee. It’s more the mess and the washing.

I have spoken to the GP, who put me in touch with ERIC 😂 I am not being difficult but I really have tried all the obvious sort of suggestions.

Took about 6 months for my boy to get there with poos after getting pees in 2 days with 0 accidents ever again. In the end what worked was a stupid YouTube show he has seen at his friends house that I would never let him watch. Let him watch that while he sat and tried. Worked like a dream. Within a week he has no more accidents. Took me about two months to get him to go without the show but it was worth it. Been about a year since that and never an accident again

Both my DD’s were withholders and different things worked for each child. My eldest I would leave watching tv for half an hour with a big drink and every time I would come back to a poo in the potty- she just needed privacy and time to relax. I kept her pants free at home until we had cracked poos it took weeks to get into the tv juice routine.
My second was trickier, she withheld for months we started potty training before she was two and we cracked poos just before she turned three this summer.
With her we also ended up going back to pants free and I gave her lots of food that stimulated bowel movements such as dates in the form of date balls and homemade Nutella, cashew nuts were a great help too. She would hold for days and days so I would just have to watch for the signs she really needed to go and put her on the potty. It didn’t take long once she got used to the potty. She still withholds when she has a change of routine though.

Stick with the routine even if she is initially pooing outside of those times. You're still giving her the opportunity to poo at those times. Make it relaxed, TV/ipad time.