Boxing day time out

[EscapeTheCuntry]

Asking for some ideas about where i can go on boxing day. Nc because I am embarrassed writing this.

My bil, his wife and 2 kids (6 and 10) are joining me, my husband, and our 2 (16 and 17). They arrive 24th and leave 27th.

Bil is loud, a loud parent and has lots of vocal fun every time he is here. We have spent other xmas at their mum's house (the kids granny, my mil, husband and bil mum). But she has mild dementia and there both bil and my families share all the work planning, prepping, tidying up etc.

Bil lives in another country and he said this year he wants to 'be hosted ' for xmas - ie just come to our house and not their mother's.

We have hosted them before so it will be ok. I can manage xmas day if I just cook all day. I dont think bil is my biggest fan and I find him overbearing.

I have a personality disorder of eupd - it is the 'quiet' version which means I turn all my turmoil inside. Although I can somehow make everyone think im a dick at times and I hate this about myself I find it very hard to stop when its all going that way.

So, my q - where can I go on boxing day? I dont think i will cope the whole break with them.
My parents sadly deceased and my siblings are either hosting others or have small abodes where they cant invite me.
.. Airbnb for 1 night? Hotel for 1 night?

I guess they are my only options. Is it insane to be planning this?

I don't think you should have to be the one who leaves for a break and has to spend the money...you and dh need to explain to bil that hosting the 3 days is too much and they need to either do the same plan as other years, and them all go to mils or they need to go out all day boxing day.

You shouldn't feel uncomfortable in your own home and dh should back you on that

There are establishments that offer non stop hosting for days at a time. They are known as hotels.

If it’s too much for you, and I’m with you on this, he needs to be told that his suggestion is too intense and they should book a local hotel or accommodation and can visit you for pre agreed meals and activities.

Invent an illness or household issue if necessary and your DH does all the conversation.

Is this "quiet" BPD/EUPd really a thing? I think some experts disagree that it is.

Anyway, it's Xmas and they are family. Just get on with it. They'll be leaving the next day.

Strategic illness and take to your bed for 36 hours with books and a little bell so you can ring for tea.

Dh will not back me, I did agree they could come here instead of the co-hosting at mils. It just a bit long

Haha, I know they will see through that.

They're coming for basically two full days. It seems a bit extreme to plan to disappear for half their visit. Can you honestly not just suck it up with lots of hiding in your room, a long walk, trip to the supermarket on boxing day etc etc?

Why won’t your dh support you?

So what?

Be all enthusiastic about them coming then take to your bed. If they see through it does it matter? I wouldn’t give a shit.

True.

Can you arrange a big trip out to a stately home or nice walk on Boxing Day? Somewhere a long way away where you have to travel separately, then when you’re there you can go round on your own?

It has been quite helpful since my psychiatrist diagnosed me. I understand myself a lot better.

For example, when people say things that others may take as goady, I have a bit more perspective.

Op, am I right in saying you have Borderline Personality Disorder by another name?

If so you really do have to get your husband on board and tell him that if he wants you to host for 3 days you need time out between his brothers arrival and departure.

Where can you go? Could you go to the cinema? Or just a few hours around town and have a nice lunch somewhere. It may seem like you need a full day or over night but perhaps a good few hours would be all it takes.

eta. Good for you for sticking up for yourself. I have a few extended family members with a dx of BPD and it is so difficult for everyone concerned. In fact my neice has just died as a result of a situation she found herself in (caused) because of it and how it affects people should never be minimised. I think you need to put a rocket up DH’s bottom.

Yes, bpd.
Thanks, I could try with the day out. I do voluntary work so I could also check if the place is open that day.....

This. There are hotels and to a degree restaurants

I am curious about why he’s so keen to be “hosted”?

I'm not talking about the EUPD diagnosis. I don't think reputable experts doubt that is a thing. I'm talking about the "quiet" bit. It's a bit like saying "mild autism" they reckon. It's a side note to your thread, anyway.

@EscapeTheCuntry that would be a really good idea. I think you’d get opposition from family about that in the form of we’re hardly ever here but, between now and the time they arrive you could let your husband know very clearly that this is what you need. So he has a choice. Either he gets on board with your dx and accepts you need this time out and for the time being you’re voluntary work is a good cover, or he doesn’t and his brother will leave thinking you went to to the cinema whilst he was in town. It can’t be easy with your dx going on and I think slowly slowly is the way forward for now family wise. Next Christmas will be different.

Go out for long walks either your headphones each day .

Hi Op, part of your question was where you could go. If it was me I would book a Premier Inn and see if a local National Trust place was open, or the cinema or the sales. Order take out to the room or get a room picnic at M&S.
I would advise you to go for it, put yourself first. I have directly witnessed a Christmas go bad, and a family member have a breakdown. Don’t let that be you.
I am curious as to how you would explain your absence though?

Yes. I agree. There’s something not quite right about this and I’m tempted to call him a buffoon. Ive lived abroad for 50 years and when I return to the UK every year I’d be happy to have a picnic in a lay-by with my family if it meant being with them.