Why is this man being celebrated?

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https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cq8rz38jr50go

so when his child was 8 years old he decided to leave the country and undertake a 28 year walk around the world, setting himself a rule that he couldn’t come back to the UK until he’d completed it, and we’ve celebrating him why?

Maybe because he was impossible to live with - he was a paratrooper. We have no idea what that involved and what exercises he did or units he was attached to. However the impact on some of them was horrible - they stopped being the person they were and became quite unbearable.

My brother threw my sister over his shoulder and stood over her with a milk bottle because she hugged him unexpectedly - you really don’t understand PTSD and its impact. he thought that he was being attacked. I have seen my family members sob. The army is cruel at times and we out of it have zero idea. My uncle was involved with the scandal of what happened to those in the African campaign who were accused of disloyalty. He wept to describe how they were treated- this a man who had live ammunition around his neck whilst being fired at to take out tank traps. ( hence the MM). He held my brother whilst he cried because of what he saw and had to do.

Look at how many ex-service men turn to alcohol.

Are you deciding whose trauma is more meaningful and worthy of compassion? Are you deciding whose trauma gives them a free pass to behave poorly? On what grounds?

This man hasn’t said he has PTSD. If he does, that might shed light on his decision (avoidance in the extreme).

It does not absolve him of his accountability or responsibility as a father.

Being a gossip isn't a good trait.
You've no right to know why, but also why do you even care to ask why?
Prying into other people's business, and making 'guesses' about their lives is really unhealthy.

Well none of us know anything - the whole thread is speculative.

I do understand PTSD. and I know what it can do - the amygdala us a powerful part of the brain when it gets hijacked.

If (and there is no evidence yet) he does have PTSD and this impacted his behaviour and choices then that helps us to understand his behaviour and choices.

It does not absolve him of his responsibility as a father.

A trained Para whose Dad was in the SAS spends years living in South America when not doing 'activities' with other ex-military/SAS and manages to not get shot at any point, having also been arrested on suspicion of being a spy in at least two countries, getting released each time and he's not a mercenary or spy, he's just going for a long walk? Yeah, OK.

my daughter has a first in neurology from a red brick - she does not understand PTSD fully but my bother does as he lived it. She studied it - there is a difference.

Educated or biased guesses?

Since we are speculating, if I were divorcing a member of the armed forces I might well choose to move home. They tend to move around a lot and often live on bases or in accommodation that they don't own, in communities of other armed forces personnel. Why would this woman stay in some random English county where she may not have lived very long to facilitate a relationship with a Dad who could have been posted anywhere in the world?

If I were also divorcing said Dad because he had generally been a disinterested and unhelpful partner and I wanted to prioritise family and support networks for myself and my child I would, on balance, think it was OK to move somewhere the Dad couldn't follow us.

You could well be right in your assumptions, but as the above demonstrates there are other possible explanations for her actions. And given there is no evidence to corroborate your theory, your instance on it doesn't really add anything to the discussion about whether we should celebrate the achievements of men who put their passion or career over their parental responsibilities.

I was literally just about to start a thread about this man!!!

Why is being a dead beat dad and now not wanting to return home something to be proud of.

Why are they writing about him like he’s achieved something.

He’s a joke and should be ashamed of himself.

the article may not be celebrating his lifestyle but it’s certainly great promotion for this self indulgent man and his upcoming media deals

YANBU op this man has no sense of responsibility beyond himself many people have a fantasy of living a particular lifestyle but they put that aside to be a responsible parent/member of society even with fragile mental health millions sod people do it every day it’s life but some, like this man, choose to opt out and do as they please

and we absolutely know a woman doing this the reporting just wouldn’t happen as it wouldn’t sell books no one would be pushing this story out there we do not get away with being self indulgent once we have children

The whole thing is speculative.

Perhaps we should read the book.

We have his own account from the article.

He set out to live his dream. He arbitrarily chose two rules for himself that he then followed. He lived off the kindness of strangers and spent 15 years of the 30 living in Mexico. He chose to make himself unavailable to his child at the age of 8. He chose to set himself these rigid rules. He says the divorce and his wife and son moving was the impetus which hints at him feeling like he was excluded from his child’s life.

He has not said he has PTSD. He has shown contempt for his family (they will always be there) and has not expressed (in the article) any sadness about the years missed with his son and parents or never having met his grandchild. He has instead talked about how hard it will be for him to adjust.

It’s quite nice to occasionally hear neutral news which isn’t traumatising or frightening.

So much projection in here, just a total filling in of blanks.

The article talks about him returning home.

It isn't his home.

Bit of a stretch to say he is meeting his "family."

I think those are also very solid guesses also.

His complete lack of empathy or remorse and his total focus on his dreams and his concern about HIM adjusting, scream of self-indulgence, entitlement and a lack of empathy. I see no evidence in the article of him having an ounce of care for the impact on his family.

He may well be demonstrating avoidance related to PTSD in the extreme and if this is the case then I hope he gets help. It would not however absolve him of any detrimental impact if his choices. And embarking on and sticking with this ‘challenge’ is a choice not a symptom. PTSD related avoidance could have been a move to Scotland with phone calls, FaceTime and visits.

Growing up with an abusive father, 30 years of working with 100s of children and families, 12 years reading posts on MN, living through and getting out of an abusive marriage and hearing the stories of the other women I’ve met on that journey and just 50 years on the planet generally - alongside the information in the article, I’d bet good money I’m right. Of course I’m might be wrong.

In fact, I really hope I’m wrong because I am sick to the back teeth of hearing the same stories again and again and men getting away with it. And, if Angela shares her story and I am wrong then I’ll donate £100 to a domestic abuse charity - very happily.

Which bits?

I would read her book. I won’t be giving him any more of my headspace than this thread.

Hmm... many, many members of the British army are FROM NI and indeed ROI. Royal Irish Regiment Irish guards paratroopers RAF etc and they all live at home when off duty.

and there are many former English soldiers living there who married Irish since the 80s /90s. So not true. He would have been allowed to live near his son and would have chosen a town away from the border.

Also he had already left the army when he started his walk so the army couldn't ban him from living there. He's been in many other countries so why not the one his son was in.

I’m so tired of articles that celebrate these types of exploits. Recently had to endure a keynote speech at a team building thing by a guy who had single handedly sailed around Antarctica from France. It required a volunteer team of 8 people working for him for free over a period of 5 years, and leaving his wife with two small kids at home for 2 years. Everyone was asking for his autograph at the end, looking at him all doe eyed, while I just wanted to scream at him. The toll it must have taken on his wife, to keep everything going. And for what? Some outrageous ego boost? And the sheer audacity and privilege of using that many people’s unpaid labour. I simply cannot get my head around it.

I will just very gently (because I am genuinely sorry about the PTSD experiences you mention in your post - it is horrendous and our service men and women need good support systems) but it is you that have made assumptions about possible PTSD. That’s not in the article at all. So that might be viewed as projection given your experiences. And I can totally see why you’d want to defend an ex-serviceman against unfounded suggestions.

I really do hope that we are both wrong and this man is not abusive and doesn’t not have PTSD.

What he has absolutely done, however, is completely avoid his responsibilities as a father. And what is absolutely true is that a mother would be heavily criticised for the same choices and this is a very good example of the double standards under which women live.

I do have a degree of sympathy with this - needing to feel like you are doing something to help with grief

It happens all the time. The women behind the scenes that crack in with the necessary while men live out their dreams never get applauded. Without her raising his children he’d have not been able to do that.

Yes. I did too at the time. And I think men need to work on supporting each other to express emotions more congruently instead of this ‘boys don’t cry’ nonsense. But the impact on her was awful. How do you grieve the loss of one child when you are pretty much left as a single parent - seeing him getting so much attention for avoiding the pain while she was left to get on with it. Her parents were great luckily but she divorced him in the end because she realised it was all a one way street in terms of emotional support. 😔 It was horrific.

Or even just across the sea in England?