No time to get stuff done

[chunkybee]

I feel overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I have to do. I’ve lost control of my house. It needs a major declutter, there are several half done DIY projects, many other projects that haven’t been even started. Surface level clean but loads of areas that just haven’t been touched in months. I am drowning in it. I don’t even work full time - I work Tues-Fri school hours so I have a Monday off to try and get caught up on things but in reality I manage to get a clean done ( slightly deeper than the everyday stuff but still not amazing), maybe walk the dog, pick up a shop and then it’s time to do the school run again.

Weekends are taken up with kids activities. On a working day I do the school run, work, go straight from work to the school run, get the kids sorted with snacks and prep dinner, walk the dog, do a basic clean and wipe down and maybe stick a load of washing on, some nights more activities and then the evening is gone.

I have no idea how people who work full time get anything done at all. The stuff I have to do now feels like such a mammoth task that I don’t know where to start. There just doesn’t feel like there’s any time. I often fantasise about having a few weeks off work to get on top of it all but I need the annual leave for childcare.

Is this just me? I feel constantly overwhelmed, over stimulated, knackered and busy yet never achieving anything other than the basics.

Sounds like you may be the type of person who deliberately adds tasks, when what you should be doing is scaling down.

My life too. One day we'll have organised tidy houses, but by then the kids will be grown up!! 🤷

Thank you for reply, what do you mean by adds tasks? I do the very basics on a daily/weekly cycle. There are projects that need starting or completing but they aren’t really on the radar at the moment. My biggest challenge would be to get rid of stuff but the actual act of going through so many clothes, toys, cupboards etc and having the time to sort it/take it to the tip/sell or donate stuff is just overwhelming.

On your day off can you walk dog to school and get the shop delivered? Carve out as much as that day as you can. Any after school clubs they can go to to give you an extra hour on other days?

Without WFH a day a week and a cleaner I would drown!

It sounds like you have too many kids activities.

How many evenings and weekend days do they take up? It’s ok to have time at home.

Get a cleaner!!

You do sound very overwhelmed, which a lot of people do, when they have young children and also go out to work.
Are all your children’s activities necessary? Do they really enjoy them?
Can you simplify evening meals?
Can you blitz the house on a Monday and then try to spend a little time each day keeping on top of things?
When the children are in bed, have some you time. You deserve it.
It won’t last forever. And it’s tough.
I am assuming you don’t have a partner? Which is not easy.
As far as DIY jobs, do the necessities and try not to stress. One day you will have plenty of spare time and you will look back and wish you hadn’t been so hard on yourself.

YANBU at all. I am in a similar position. About once every two to three months we pay a cleaner as we just can’t keep on top of things. The state of the house makes me really depressed but we are in a very busy stage of life. Plus my DH is a bit shit and definitely doesn’t do his share. Even though he thinks he does.

I do have a Dh and he does his fair share but he works long hours. He takes care of the garden and does a lot of cooking. This is what I mean, I have help (well some, most of it still falls to me really) and I work part time. I don’t understand why i’m finding it so hard. People have much more going on but seem to cope a lot better.
Kids activities are a must. One of them is into competitive sport and would not want to scale it back. The other is younger and only does swimming at the moment but that’s another commitment.
I do think I need to make small steps with the decluttering. Even a drawer at a time would help. It doesn’t help that our home is old and cobwebby and we have dogs and kids so even after i’ve blitzed on a Monday it’s soon filthy again.

Presume you don't have a partner?

Sounds like your DC have too many activities if they are taking up all weekend and evenings too. Either cut back or can you lift share with other parents so you don't have to take them to everything, every week?

Pick a DIY project to focus on per week, and either get it done or pay someone to do it.

How much are your DC helping out? Even littlies can put their dishes in the dishwasher, put clean clothes away etc.

It sounds like you need to declutter. Choose clothes or toys or cupboards. Just only one and start chipping away at it for 1 hour a week. I’d probably choose the one where I think I’ll have most to just bag up and drop off to the local charity shop.

It’ll take time but at least you’ll be making progress.

I have a clear-out every 3 months or so. I hate hoarding things no one uses or wears.

Also think about simple meals and filling freezer. I used to do a mamouth Sunday night cook and save loads time in week.. eg pasta bake, a curry etc. Was great when mine little and I was in same position. One cooking session and only one clean up.

It’s doable but at the moment there’s a huge chance you’re thinking you want it already done and also you’re seeing it as a whole job: Get house in order!

I was the same and while my house would make many mners faint, it’s starting to have some shape to it after a few weeks work. I started looking at what bugged me the most and it was this crammed full area in one of the wardrobes. I pulled everything out and started separating into ‘must go’ and ‘couldn’t live without’ piles. On the same day I washed the porch door and took everything out of one side of the hot press and stacked it back neatly.

I’ve seen people advise to attack one room at a time but that’s never worked for me, what started me off was a fab thread on here- do one big job a day (I don’t know if it was in the run up to Christmas or not but it’s fairly recent). All the jobs are beginning to add up and even the kids’ rooms don’t stress me out as much now

Ps you work a lot of hours and do so much, your post reads like you should have all this done because you’ve loads of time- very few parents have!

Join a decluttering thread in the Housekeeping topic!

I find decluttering most effective when I plan it in advance. So if I know that I have a block of time coming up, I empty out the drawer or cupboard the night before and set up any new storage systems in advance, then I can use the time to the full.

I also try to get rid of items as I go, so I will often walk into the charity shop with just one item of clothing in my hand, rather than waiting to fill a bag.

Your time seems almost all accounted for…Perhaps free up time one week by not cleaning and by arranging for your dog to go into kennels?

You need to work with your DH to find a way to carve out time. It's his responsibility to get these things done to, whether that is doing them himself or enabling you to do them?
Maybe that looks like him doing all the kids activities one weekend so you can stay home and get on top of things?
Could you get a cleaner in for a 4 hour session one Monday, just to free up a day where you can do stuff that isn't cleaning?
Can you Get DH to do the laundry and cook twice a week (even if its beige or ready meals) for the next month so you can have 20 mins per evening to tackle one little task each day?

Ive been in your shoes and just had to tell DH what I needed him to cover so that I could crawl out from under the mountain of everyday tasks and get some of the bigger one off tasks done. It made such a difference to our home to declutter and reorganise.

Also, don't guilt yourself for the fact he works long hours and you are part time. I bet his downtime is proper downtime, whereas yours is probably snatched moments of me time still laced with guilt, and nights of lying in bed worrying while he's oblivious. Never underestimate the weight of the mental load and the inequality it brings.

Do your kids help? We have a shared session after dinner of tidying up and hoovering. Yes I have to hassle them to do it, but if they can do the basics, you could choose a small area to deep clean. On the DIY stuff I’m struggling too, there’s no way around it but to work early or late and find a way to put the hours in, even when you feel knackered.

Sounds like you don't have time for all the kids activities. One swimming lesson is fine but what activities are there that are taking up all your evenings and weekends?

Can't one adult look after the kids at the weekend and the other declutter?

I’ve noticed that people who already can’t cope always seem to then add a dog into the mix. It seems a really strange compulsion to keep adding on responsibilities that stops one getting the basics done.

I feel exactly the same. I have a very similar set up too - work Tues-Fri. Have a big dog. A kid with a big football life/hobby.

Sometimes I am so overwhelmed I avoid doing anything at all 😳

My only tips. Worry less about it - you’re in the mire at the moment. As the kids get older it’ll ease.

Tackle small and manageable tasks. Get a dog walker couple of times a week or a cleaner.

Get DH to help a bit more…

I rope my kid into helping with stuff too. Sorting/tidying a room etc :)

Get a cleaner. Get your shopping delivered. Use your Mondays to focus on decluttering.

I have a very similar setup although work Mon to Fri. Kids have a lot of activities as that is how we like it. I don't currently have a cleaner (can't afford it right now). I do go out and do the shopping as I actually like that time to myself (I don't take the kids). I probably have max 1 hour to myself a few nights a week (usually watching the 1 program I like on TV).

Its hard but it requires being strict with yourself. I'm just starting to declutter and sort the house. It means all but one of my evenings of not sitting down and watching my program, instead decluttering. Setting targets for the week that are achievable in the time you have e.g. this week I will sort the toy storage in the lounge, or the craft stuff, or my clothes. These are my targets from the last 3 weeks - toy storage in the lounge is this evenings one! I just look at it as long term gaining on time to myself if I get it all sorted.

We do something similar with DIY project. We list out everything that needs doing then look at how to fit it in. Its takes a while to clear the back log but with doing it slower and not focusing on the bigger picture it helps.