Dealing with vindictive neighbour

[plsdontlookatme]

I bought my flat a couple of months ago and it had been sitting vacant a while before I moved it. I can only assume that the occupant of the downstairs flat below got very used to this, and as far as I can tell has some kind of untreated anger management problem.

I'm a sole occupant, hardly ever even at home as I work full-time with a long commute, and as a serial flat-dweller I really don't produce much noise at all, especially at unsociable hours. However my downstairs neighbour seems to have a vendetta against me on the basis that I live above him. He recently started ringing my doorbell to punish me for, as far as I can tell, being on work calls on WFH days, so I'm at a bit of a loss in terms of modifying my own behaviour to appease him. The irony is that he is very blatantly the most inconsiderate and CF person in the building, having claimed swathes of communal space as his own territory. He also snores so loudly that it keeps me awake (and I'm not a fussy or light sleeper). I haven't said anything about this, even though it has made my life a misery.

I know it sounds quite minor, and quite far from "nightmare neighbour" territory at this stage. I'll admit to being on a hair trigger as I am recently out of an abusive relationship and have also been attacked by male strangers in the recent past. On top of having a stressful and demanding job, it just feels a bit nightmarish to not even feel at ease in my own home.

Do you think he'll get used to it and calm down a bit? I'd love to hear nightmare neighbour horror stories and hear what others did!

I’ve lived in flats and know how noise can travel. It would help to add rugs, carpeting and noise proof panelling (stylish ones available now!). He is v much in the wrong and you are NBU but this way at least if he’s moaning on you can say I’ve done X and Y and there’s nothing more I can do.

edited to add, make sure you get a ring doorbell so if he’s abusive at the door you can capture it and give evidence to council/police.

Ignore him and he will likely get bored. If it continues, don’t back down as he’s likely just a pathetic bully.

I've got rugs, I don't wear shoes in the house, and the floors aren't creaky, so I have no idea what more I could do! I don't even have a telly! I can only assume his main gripe is noise - I don't even know for sure as there's really no sense to his behaviour at all. If he succeeds in harassing me out of the building (unlikely) the flat will be let out to, in all likelihood, a young family. I wonder how that would pan out...

Buy a rug, or a second one if you already have one.

Then write a nice note saying you were very surprised to hear he was disturbed as you're not home much and keep very reasonable hours. And then add sweetly that you've bought a new rug which you know will help, and you hope will also help block the night-time noise coming up from his place.

Meanwhile, get to know your other neighbors, in case it becomes necessary later on to band against him.

Ask him if there’s anything he can do about his snoring as it’s keeping you awake.

As he is a male with a temper and also slightly unhinged, I would make sure I had a Ring doorbell, security chain and the locks were working properly. I would also make sure I record any weird behaviour, dates, times etc.
I would then go about my business as a normal person and avoid getting into any confrontation.If the crazy shit escalates then I would call the police.

Is the issue your voice/others on calls? Floor sounds thin if you can hear him snoring. Can you wear headset? Be mindful when on a call. All else fails say landlords been approached by home office re kicking you out and housing immigrants. “Better the devil you know” sigh….. (stfu and stop moaning neighbour) 🤪

call wasn’t even on speaker, and although I live alone I can’t swear a vow of silence in my own home! Unfortunately I’m an owner occupier but perhaps I’ll try and befriend some people with barky dogs or screamy toddlers and invite them over for tea…

I think next time he comes to you with a problem grey rock him and then add your own to the conversation.

Mmm. Mmm. Oh while I've got you here, I wondered if you could keep your snoring down as the noise is travelling upwards.

How do you know he has anger issues ? He is ringing your doorbell but it’s unclear why really unless you have spoken to him as your post doesn’t state this?

In the early days I’ve something like this, I’d try the ‘kill him with kindness’ method in the hopes of preventing it escalating. Knock on the door with a big fake grin and introduce yourself, buy him a plant or something. It’s completely counter intuitive but sometimes little things like that can humanise you and break the cycle before it’s even really got started. Obviously you’re not being a pushover or showing weakness but it might take the joy out of his attempted bullying.