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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU by being upset about this confrontation about my puppy?

194 replies

silversable · Yesterday 20:25

Sorry if this isn’t the usual post on here, just wondering if anyone can related or has any thoughts! So, I’m a bit shaken. I‘ve just taken my puppy for a walk and she has had some looser bowels today after she disagreed with a type of treat we’ve been giving her. When I took her on a walk earlier, she unexpectedly just went to the toilet right outside someone’s gate. Normally, I walk her through the fields or on the trail but with it being dark i’ve felt safer going through streets with street lights. I got my poo bag out and started picking it up.

As I was doing so, a car arrived just next to me where an older lady (I’d say about 75-80) got out the car where she’d been dropped off. Obviously I felt awkward and when she saw me she snapped “don’t let it mess in my gate!”. I was a bit taken aback so I said “sorry, what?” she then repeated it again but with a swear word or two. I was a bit shocked and said “I always clean it up. I’m so sorry, she normally doesnt go near gates”. She then replied “Yes but I don’t like it!” She was shouting which really threw me off, I think it was partly as I was already having a bad day and this happened. I then apologised again while she was walking to her door and clarified that I don’t encourage her to do that but she is a puppy and has been poorly. She then jist shook her head and slammed the door at me.

So, I want to clarify two things: 1. The mess wasn’t actually inside her drive, it was right outside. I don’t let any of my two dogs inside people’s property or garden. 2. I completely understand not wanting dog mess by your gate and that’s a reasonable request. But I would think most people would understand that dogs can be unpredictable and not be so hostile? 3. I know some people can be particular about their homes and surroundings and I do appreciate that. I have anxiety and I think that is partly what triggered me so much.
I know she could have just had some bad news and reacted in that way, or had some anger about something else. But I feel awful that I upset someone and at the same time a bit annoyed that I was spoken to like this.

Has anyone had anything similar happen with their puppy, and AIBU for thinking this could have been handled better?

OP posts:
UnwillingAdvocate · Yesterday 21:01

Truthfully, you’re going to get much worse than this as a dog owner. Toughen up.

MirrorClocks · Yesterday 21:04

I got home one night with my young daughter who I’d just had to take to A&E. I also had brand new shoes on and, yep, walked straight into dog shit just outside my gate in the dark.

No-one wants your dog shitting outside their place, or on the pavement, or weeing on your recycling bags and bins.

Let your dogs crap in your own gardens.

MyPinkOtter · Yesterday 21:10

I think people are wilfully misinterpreting the OP. The woman didn’t say ‘make sure you properly clean up the diarrhea’, she said ‘don’t let it mess in my gate’ and then said ‘yes but I don’t like it’ when OP said she was cleaning it up. It sounds like she objected to any dogs squatting in front of her gate at all, regardless of the consistency of their stool! Which is unreasonable IMO. Have you tried pulling a squatting dog away from its chosen poop spot? You’ll just get even more mess that way!

Arbourimage · Yesterday 21:13

@MyPinkOtter It sounds like she objected to any dogs squatting in front of her gate at all, regardless of the consistency of their stool! Which is unreasonable IMO.

The reality is everyone objects to a random dog shitting right outside their house though, particularly right as you step out of the gate. You can try to convince yourself otherwise but no one likes it.

Hugasaurusrex · Yesterday 21:18

You would be very unreasonable not to realise that this had nothing to do with you or your puppy and was all to do with a grumpy person projecting.

MyPinkOtter · Yesterday 21:19

Arbourimage · Yesterday 21:13

@MyPinkOtter It sounds like she objected to any dogs squatting in front of her gate at all, regardless of the consistency of their stool! Which is unreasonable IMO.

The reality is everyone objects to a random dog shitting right outside their house though, particularly right as you step out of the gate. You can try to convince yourself otherwise but no one likes it.

If the owner was picking it up then I wouldn’t give a shit, genuinely.

But where I live the streets are lined with giant coyote turds, which nobody is picking up, so dog
shits that are promptly getting scooped into bags are the least of my worries!

Arbourimage · Yesterday 21:21

MyPinkOtter · Yesterday 21:19

If the owner was picking it up then I wouldn’t give a shit, genuinely.

But where I live the streets are lined with giant coyote turds, which nobody is picking up, so dog
shits that are promptly getting scooped into bags are the least of my worries!

And yet funnily enough dog owners seem to do anything to ensure their dog shits outside someone else’s house, not their own.

CypressGrove · Yesterday 21:23

So you have anxiety and had a bad day - but you've got no idea what this woman has going on and how her day was. Nobody likes dogs crapping right outside their gate, and it might have been enough to push her over the edge as she arrived home to her safe space from her day.

GoldMerchant · Yesterday 21:26

Your dog pooped on a public pavement. You picked it up. Job done. She was absolutely unreasonable. (I'm going to assume that your dog didn't leave a trail of watery diarrhoea across the pathway that was seeping onto her property in some way.)

I think you were overly apologetic. I would just have said, "it's beyond your boundary and I'm cleaning it up. Have a nice evening."

Of course, dog owners should clean up after their dogs. But people do not have a right to dictate that dogs can't poop near their homes but beyond their property line. There's lots of things I don't like in this world that aren't illegal: people's massive SUVs, people who don't secure their bin lids so foxes tip them over and the rubbish gets everywhere, people who leave their Lime bikes in the middle of the pavement. The correct response is to seethe quietly, and get on with your day.

silversable · Yesterday 21:28

Thanks all for the responses!! ☺️ great to get everyone’s thoughts. I want to also clarify that by “looser bowels” I don’t mean as in actual diarrhoea and sickness (in which case I probably wouldn’t have taken her unless necessary), I mean they’ve been slightly looser as they’re normally completely solid, and more random as she normally only goes once on walks. I also know I didn’t clarify in the post but I do carry a puppy water bottle which I have in my dog walking bag just due to habit that I did use to pour over any remaining bits when I was cleaning, not that this changed her reaction at all. I’ve had this since she was very little and it was warm outside. However, I agree a spray bottle or a proper cleaning solution would be a good idea.

I also understand no-one likes dog shit right out their house (me included), and I was horrified when she did do this. But personally I can’t imagine talking to someone else like that or reacting in that way and I think it just shook me a bit.

OP posts:
MyPinkOtter · Yesterday 21:29

Arbourimage · Yesterday 21:21

And yet funnily enough dog owners seem to do anything to ensure their dog shits outside someone else’s house, not their own.

Dogs usually need to walk a bit before they feel ready to poo, it’s really not a giant conspiracy by all dog owners to orchestrate poos away from their own homes!

Itiswhysofew · Yesterday 21:32

Don't be upset by her. It's not a big deal.

Enjoy your puppy.

Summer98 · Yesterday 21:33

Let your dog do its business in your own garden!

Daschy16 · Yesterday 21:34

People can have rather awful reactions to dogs, I have found - especially the smaller, cuter breeds. I've faced similar behaviour when my dog froze in fear (not even toileting) on the pavement outside someone's house. It was horrible, it made me feel scared and vulnerable. There was no need.

Whilst I appreciate not everyone likes dog's, and obviously no one wants dog mess outside their home, unless someone is actively encouraging a dog to toilet directly outside their house, their behaviour is unwarranted and abusive. They don't own public footpaths, and should remember that they can be reported to the police for abusive behaviour.

Try not to let that woman's behaviour affect you. That being said, the water bottle idea is an excellent one.

Waitingfordoggo · Yesterday 21:35

Summer98 · Yesterday 21:33

Let your dog do its business in your own garden!

My dog shits in our garden. He also shits when we go out for walks. I always clear it up. 🙂

Arbourimage · Yesterday 21:36

Daschy16 · Yesterday 21:34

People can have rather awful reactions to dogs, I have found - especially the smaller, cuter breeds. I've faced similar behaviour when my dog froze in fear (not even toileting) on the pavement outside someone's house. It was horrible, it made me feel scared and vulnerable. There was no need.

Whilst I appreciate not everyone likes dog's, and obviously no one wants dog mess outside their home, unless someone is actively encouraging a dog to toilet directly outside their house, their behaviour is unwarranted and abusive. They don't own public footpaths, and should remember that they can be reported to the police for abusive behaviour.

Try not to let that woman's behaviour affect you. That being said, the water bottle idea is an excellent one.

You think the police should be called on an old lady saying “don’t let it mess in my gate!”?

Moonnstarz · Yesterday 21:37

Her reaction may be because this has happened multiple times before.
There is a lovely shop in town and the owner frequently posts about having to clear up poo from outside the shop. Yeah it's not right on the doorstep and on a public pavement, but it still there and needs clearing.

Daschy16 · Yesterday 21:38

Arbourimage · Yesterday 21:36

You think the police should be called on an old lady saying “don’t let it mess in my gate!”?

That is not what I said. I said they can be reported for being abusive.
There is a clear difference between saying "don't let it mess in my garden", and shouting, swearing, gesturing, etc.

SuddenDaredJelly · Yesterday 21:38

Babayagahaha · Yesterday 20:38

Dog shit is gross. If you know he was going to shit, take water along to wash it away. I'd be annoyed with it outside my gate.

This. It makes me feel physically nauseous.

bt1234 · Yesterday 21:39

In Spain we saw loads of people washing the pavement after they picked up their dogs poo
I wish it was common here

Lelophants · Yesterday 21:42

She was rude, but I also personally hate the fact dogs are deliberately walked near people’s houses to shit. But I know it’s culturally acceptable here so I just try to get over it 🤣

aperolspritzbasicbitch · Yesterday 21:43

Lelophants · Yesterday 21:42

She was rude, but I also personally hate the fact dogs are deliberately walked near people’s houses to shit. But I know it’s culturally acceptable here so I just try to get over it 🤣

What?! 🤣
Should we teleport with our dogs so we are directly in fields as soon as we start our walks?!
no one is deliberately walking their dogs to shit outside peoples houses.
they are simply walking their dog.

RedThroatedWarbler · Yesterday 21:44

CypressGrove · Yesterday 21:23

So you have anxiety and had a bad day - but you've got no idea what this woman has going on and how her day was. Nobody likes dogs crapping right outside their gate, and it might have been enough to push her over the edge as she arrived home to her safe space from her day.

Came to say this.
Who knows what is going on for this woman. She won't be the first or last person to over react to a minor problem because it is the tipping point.

maggisimpson · Yesterday 21:46

Why don't people train their dogs to poo in their own garden?

maggisimpson · Yesterday 21:47

aperolspritzbasicbitch · Yesterday 21:43

What?! 🤣
Should we teleport with our dogs so we are directly in fields as soon as we start our walks?!
no one is deliberately walking their dogs to shit outside peoples houses.
they are simply walking their dog.

Why not have it shit at home rather than take it to other people's homes or fields though?

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