2 nights of no sleep at all

[CherryAndLimeMum]

Is it unreasonable to feel like a zombie and be almost unable to function after 2 nights with no sleep at all. I’m a single mum. My 9 year old DD (she’s autistic) often goes 2 nights without sleeping at all which means I can’t sleep either! DD usually goes 2 nights (and she won’t sleep or nap in the day either) without sleeping and then sleeps really well on the 3rd night and then goes another 2 nights without sleeping and so on and on. After the 2 nights of no sleep I often feel like a zombie and can barely function with the sleep deprivation, I still have to work in the day as well whilst DD is at school. This has gone on for years and I’ve tried so many things to help get her in to a better sleep routine but nothing works. She’s also already on the highest possible melatonin dose as the paediatrician won’t give her a higher dose. The sleep deprivation and exhaustion is killing me! AIBU to feel like this?

School always tell me she is coping apparently. But she does mask a lot of the time in school.

I can’t explain how bad the sleep deprivation is but it’s awful.

Why can’t you sleep if the child is awake ? How can you get over that?

edit assuming no DH

My first question would be where is her father?
Sorry if this is a sensitive area, but if he is able to care for her in his own home (ie be a parent to his own child - not 'babysit' or 'help out' or 'provide respite') then he needs to. You can ask for a solicitor to help with this, I believe, if he is a feckless waster determined to dodge his responsibilities. I do sympathise having had a son like this, who wandered about at night, it is horrendous strain. Of course you can't function on zero sleep, it is a form of torture!

I don’t understand why you can’t sleep? Even if you slept in the same bed so you’d wake up if she left the room.

Is she safe to be awake at night in her room reading or listening to a story tape?

How old is your dd? Could you not just stick on the TV for her and then go off to bed?

DD’s father lives over 100 miles away and refuses to see DD or be involved with her unfortunately.

Is it dangerous for you to sleep while she's awake?

Unfortunately not because of her autism.

Yes.

Sleep deprivation is awful, it’s impossible to function…please tell me you don’t drive OP…

What would you most like to get from this to thread - a virtual handhold, or some clever ideas you may not have thought of?

Why, specifically?

That's very rough. Is there anyone at all who could help? Could you snooze while she watches something using headphones? I'm sure you've tried a lot of things already.

To answer your original question, of course you feel like a zombie. If I had two nights without sleep, I'd be literally nodding off in the middle of the day.

Personally I’d keep a sleep diary for her for a month then take her back to the gp and show them

Is there any time when sleep is better eg seasonally, during school holidays, when she has had a 10km run in the morning etc

I wouldn’t give her screens during the night.

Is she verbal? Doe she understand that it is normal to sleep in the night? Is she anxious about it?

You need a safety sleeper bed or similar.
Our autistic one has a Urzone bed which is a tent on top of the bed which keeps him contained. We can leave him to it at night that way as he cannot escape or hurt himself. Absolute game changer.

You poor thing! This sounds like such a desperate, difficult situation. I also have a child with disabilities who sometimes doesn’t sleep and after a couple of nights I am absolutely destroyed. I can’t believe how little help and respite there is in this country. I can only keep going as I have support.

I would actually be contacting social services and would be asking for residential respite. I have thought about doing this myself despite having help. Or maybe you could contact a charity that gives respite.

Sorry not to have more suggestions, I hugely sympathise! It’s only because we’re all so tired that we parents of children with disabilities aren’t able to campaign to help ourselves.

She’s 9 years not 9 months. Just get some sleep.

I have to drive to get to work and to get DD to school, I have no choice unfortunately.

I guess both a handhold and ideas that may help the situation but to be honest I have already tried lots and nothing helps.

I will look in to that. Thank you

This.

I don’t give her screens during the night.

She’s verbal and understands it’s normal to sleep in the night but she just says she can’t get to sleep.