Court, Kids and Child Maintenance

[UniqueRobin]

Hey everyone,

I'm not well versed in these kind of things so please bear with me!

Trying to keep a very long story short will be a bit difficult but I’ll do my best!
For context:
I was married to my ex for 16+ years from a young age, we had 3 kids together. About 3+ years ago he went away for a crime committed against one of the children. I moved closer to family for support, cut contact and filed for a divorce. After therapy I came to understand that my marriage was abusive however coercive control, emotional abuse amongst other things were my day to day and I understood this as the norm because he never hit me. The kids and I started fresh and they settled and are happy in our new life.

This year he made an application for contact and we went through the proceedings of which I can’t discuss on here for confidential reasons and now he will have indirect contact with them with view to progress.

Throughout the years there’s been no payments made for the kids and I haven’t made any applications for this but I’m struggling so much financially with debt from the marriage and trying to get by as a solo working parent. I have always just about got by and my kids are provided for but it’s crippling and I just need some help.

AIBU for applying for child maintenance??

Thank you to everyone that’s got this far and apologies for the long one!

I don’t know

Sorry I’m still trying to navigate how mumsnet works!

I’m not sure if he works and yes I have had the children 100% of the time.

Yes apply for child maintenance. Even a small amount is usually payable if he is on benefits.

Apply for CMS

If he’s on benefits then it would be a very small award of £7 per week (assuming he doesn’t have any other children or any priority debts).

If he is working it should be more (unless he’s self employed in which case it’s a lottery unfortunately)

Thank you!

I’ve always been afraid to do it because before the proceeding I didn’t want to rock the boat and to be honest I was afraid that he was going to find us.

Sadly from what I remember with being with him his trade was self employed but anything is better than nothing if it helps towards the kids.

Yes unfortunately with the conviction I’m not sure who would employ with that.

Does he know where you live now?

If he doesn’t I’d really consider if it’s worth it. CMS shouldn’t give him your address but when I worked there I learned of how often errors were made that made me very concerned for people like yourself.

If he doesn’t know where you are it might be worth doing a bit of digging on social media to see if you can find out if he’s working or not.

If he’s likely to be self employed or on benefits I wouldn’t risk it if he isn’t already aware of your address.

He knows the area as it’s near my family just not the address. It was kept confidential during court proceedings and I’m having to set up a P.O. Box (which I’ve come to realise is really expensive) for indirect contact order.

See this is what scares me, I understand errors are made but it puts so many vulnerable people at risk. He behaved during court proceedings however I know it all too well because he did that in public but was different behind closed doors.

I always feel it’s very poor that the person who needs to protect their address is the one that ends up with the cost in those circumstances.

It’s something to consider. Might be worth having a fake social media account and have a look at his. That’s how I caught my ex out years ago in his “I’m not working” lie as he had pics on Facebook of his sign written van.

If he’s working for someone else it may well be worth it, but if he’s self employed then it can be an absolute minefield.

It’s honestly nerve wracking! I’ve now got that expense on top of everything else and I don’t know how I’m going to afford Christmas for the kids!

Sadly with his conviction I believe the only thing he’ll be able to get is self employment but it’s definitely worth looking into! Thank you!