I think I might be BU but why?

[Strawberries86]

5 years ago i separated from ex who is father to my dd’s 9 and 6. He decided unilaterally he was at most a weekend dad. Started off every other Saturday night but now is every other weekend, Friday evening - Sunday evening and 1 week in summer, Easter and Christmas.

I asked him to do pick up from school on his Fridays, he agreed to do it once a month, he said twice a month was too much. He moved 45 minutes away and we share the driving to transport the girls. He says I have a responsibility to share this.

He is interested as in he calls them once a week, likes to receive photos and pays maintenance on time. He has no idea what their teachers are called, who their GP is, no sick days or medical appointments.

This year we moved house (me, girls and my dp). To a village 15 minutes away from my old house where he also lived but in his now direction. He’s had a lot of instability, a few girlfriends, debt and now is living with his mate.

He’s announced he is looking for a house in my new area. The next village over (3 minute drive). He has no ties here other than the girls who he doesn’t want to parent (I feel he has fun uncle vibes). I’m so angry. He was a dick to me, selfish, drained my finances through his stupidity, isolated me because he was too lazy to parent when we were together. Basically my self worth was on the floor. He’s a taker. I don’t want to him living in walking distance. We co-parent amicably because I power through but honestly I can’t stand the sight of him. He left me with a 1 year old and a toddler, his debt and just has had fun for 5 years.

Part of me wonders if he wants shared care to avoid paying maintenance but I’d fight it. They have a wonderful time with him but don’t brush teeth, eat properly, have any routine. This is fine a few days a month but does not constitute care.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like he’s invading my little village life! I know of course I can’t stop him but I want to tell him it’s bloody weird and I’d prefer him not to be so close. We are in the edge of a city and 2 major towns. I also want to say it’s a bit late in the day to decide to give parenting a go if that’s his aim.

Well you're not being unreasonable at all to not want him living in the same village as you, he sounds like a complete arse. You would, however, be unreasonable to tell him you don't want him living in your village. If he is as much as an arse as he sounds, that might be like red rag to a bull and make him more determined to move there. Just say nothing and hopefully it will die a death. He doesn't sound like someone who sticks to their word anyway so hopefully it's pie in the sky.

I totally agree with @Dozycuntlaters - your feelings are understandable but there's really nothing you can do. It seems likely his naturally lazy disposition will put paid to this nonsense. If it doesn't, do you think he really will want to step up his contact? It sounds like he wouldn't bother.

Thanks both, I appreciate your comments and you are both right. Part of me was thinking I’m a monster and why wouldn’t people want their children to see more of their dad.

But it’s nice to know my feelings make some sense. I do the right things, he comes to birthday teas, I make sure he gets tickets to dance performances but I just like him 45 minutes down the motorway. If he was a better parent I’d 100% welcome sharing the load but he’s just not.