aibu? not attending christmas celebrations

[mymel]

okay this one is probably going to be a long one. i apologise in advance for any spelling and grammatical mistakes.

for a bit of backstory, my mum and dad split up wjen i was around 2. i am now early 20's, have the BEST stepdad and half siblings in the world. i do not have a relationship with my bio dad as an adult, i did start seeing him again as a kid as well as my stepmum who he now divorced, and my half siblings from that marriage. i see my half siblings a lot because 2 of them are friends with my brother 😂 and speak to my stepmum regularly.

i stopped going over to my dads when i was around 13 because i didn't want to see him anymore because i was a moody hormonal child, and i found out when he left my mum he took EVERYTHING from the house, including all of my stuff, knowing he wasnt going to have me be a part of his life. it made me sad to find that out. when i was a kid (not that i remember this) he used to work as a takeaway driver and deliver to my parents house and i'd cry for him and he just.. didnt do anything? not even say he doesnt want to deliver to my house or anything? idk how to explain it properly but i feel like thats worse than just saying "yeah i cant deliver there the child i abandoned is making a fuss and i cant be bothered to deal with it"

i do have a fantastic relationship with my grandma and grandad, as well as the rest of that side of the
family. i go to my grandma's for festivities every year and have since i was a child, however i was uncomfy seeing my dad after i went minimal contact. this year i feel horrid and as the date's creeping closer i feel a lot of dread :( how do i put up with it? am i being unreasonable???? help!

i wish i could have a relationship with him but i cant look past the fact he abandoned me and wanted nothing to do with me for years. i'm early 20's now. i forgot to mention that

If you don't want to don't go. Either make an excuse or perhaps tell your grandparents how you feel. You have every right to feel that way.

Personally I would definitely tell them why your not going. You have a family who have been there for you so see them instead.

If your grandparents take it the wrong way that's down to them. After all they raised the man who left and took the babies things...

thanks for your comment! i havent been for 3 years, first 2 excuses was i was at work (i do hospitality so i do work over christmas period) last year was i was celebrating with partners family.. feel like i should just say i dont feel comfortable because i'm sick of beating around the bush but at the same time don't want to cause any trouble

But then forevermore you're making excuses (lies) to your grandparents. Perhaps now is the time to say I'm not coming. Here's why. I understand he's your son, but he's never been a father to me. I don't want to discuss it.

A letter could be the best way, explain your father took everything, your mum's and your stuff. That he's never made an effort to be a father and you don't want to be a hypocrite and sit there playing happy families after he behaved as he has.

Ok it might upset them but that's on them. Personally I had a lovely grandmother on my mum's side, my grandfather was a bastard. My grandfer on my dad's side died when I was young and dad's mum I met twice, a few months after my mum died when I was17. The second time she blanked me, refusing to even look at me....you don't need toxic people in your life