Does your kid still check in with you when you’re out with friends?

[Ponddipping]

Took DD10 bowling with a few classmates and their mums. The kids were set up bowling in one lane and as it was empty the mums sat in the lane next to them. All fine, but I did notice during the time we were there that the other girls regularly came over to their mums for cuddles and to report how they were getting on with the game, to inform their mums they were hungry etc
My DD didn’t. She only came over to ask if I could get her a drink. While she was bowling I looked over a few times and she gave me a little wave but I did notice she didn’t come over like the other girls did. I obviously am glad she was having fun and I don’t want her to be hiding behind my legs or anything like that. I guess I’m just asking at this age, is it normal for her to not come and check in/give me hugs etc while out with her friends? Does this say anything about our relationship and that she doesn’t feel close to me/feels less affection for me than her friends do with their mums?
(I’m very aware I sound so needy and pathetic and I’ve name changed for this reason as I’m expecting to get torn apart here 😂 I’m too embarrassed to ask anyone in real life about this 😂)

I'd actually say the opposite. It's called secure attachment. Your DD is obviously quite capable of managing her own fun and friends. Thats not a criticism of her friends, as all children develop differently, but I wouldn't view this as a negative at all.

I think either is normal, I wouldn’t worry about it!

At 10 I think both sets of behaviour are pretty normal.

DD is younger but for her it would be very dependent on mood and company. Sometimes she needs more reassurance, sometimes less.

10/11 is a very borderline age. Still young in a lot of ways but stretching to find their independence too.

I would expect it of 6 year olds, but not of 10 year olds, who are more likely to find their parents faintly embarrassing.

At 10 my girls would have done both, either or none - depending on their moods at any particular moment!

I think either is normal. Your dd can see you there and she did approach you when she needed something.

My dd would have come and chatted a bit at that age, I think, but I wouldn't have worried if not because I knew we were close and she would talk to me afterwards if not.

I wouldn't expect a 10 year old to come looking for cuddles! The opposite really - stay away as long as possible because mum's are embarrassing in public!

I think this is a sign you have a nice secure relationship and she is well adjusted

You daughter feels secure, confident and independent. Surely, this can only be a good thing.

Mine definitely wouldnt. Both are very secure, confident & resilient. I tend to notice their more anxious friends are the ones wanting to check in with mummy all the time, especially by age 10. Those are the same kids still making a fuss at the school gate at year 3 and expecting mum to stay at playdates & parties.

Its important that children are comfortable taking age appropriate risks & not having parents hover over them constantly.

Mine would have. She is also secure, confident and has had to be way more “resilient” than most kids her age. Your way isn’t the only way, and kids who still check in with their parents can be doing so for myriad reasons. You aren’t superior for having a different way of doing things.

I’m sorry your child was embarrassed by you. Mine never had that issue.

thankyou everyone for your replies and for not making me feel pathetic for asking about this 😂🫣

@SuddenDaredJelly Yes actually when I think about it, I would say the same re clingy behaviour at school gate/frequent coming over to hug mums at bowling

I have a 10 year old that does both. If she’s in company and an environment she feels comfortable with she’ll happily play without interruption. Elsewhere she will be clingy.

So, in your case I think it’s a positive. She felt secure enough to do her own thing but knew where to find you when she wanted something.