I need to make a change at work - but how? To what?

[MidlifeMiseryGuts]

I'm a long term user but I've changed my name for this one as it's work related.

I am in my mid forties and completely miserable with my working life, but don't know how to make a change. I'm posting here in case anyone can give me some ideas/inspiration or just say something that helps give some focus to my thoughts.

I work in a creative industry that is in rapid decline. I had a very good career trajectory until I had children (my eldest is now 9). Then it kind of went to shit tbh. Between kids I went back to a job share role and then after the pandemic I became self employed. This has worked well at home as I'm available for school runs and both kids have medical needs (including one with SEND) so I've been able to attend hospital clinics, appointments etc without having to negotiate with a boss etc.

I've been coping ok but it feels like I'm reaching a crisis point. In the last couple of years I've felt really out of sorts about work, and myself. I'm struggling to motivate myself, being stressed all the time (which the kids see, which I hate). Due to the problems in my industry I am due to earn a lot less this financial year and that's so depressing with the cost of living. It's putting pressure on our household finances. I'm struggling to save into my pension (which I know is crucial).

Most of all, I think I am just sick of what I do now. Some of it I adore, but a lot of it (the stuff I have to do to make enough money) bores me now. It involves a lot of output and I just can't keep up the pace either.

I'm in perimenopause, the kids need a lot from me emotionally and I've had some physical health problems this year too. If I had the choice financially I would just take a massive step back right now. Most days my body is screaming at me to justntake time out while the kids are at school, to walk and get some fresh air, to have space to myself, but I'm in a constant race to keep working and paying the bills. (So is everyone, I know... but I'm setting out how I feel.)

I know I need to do something different. I can't keep up with the hustle of self employment but we can't afford for me to retrain either. The irony is that if I'd stayed in-house (impossible with kids without a nanny, but in an imaginary world) I'd now be in a job where I was just making decisions and not actually doing the work, and it does feel like that is where my brain is at now. I am too old for how hard I have to work to stay afloat in my sector, yet everything i'm interested in potentially going into is also another industry or area in crisis ( eg academia).

I am in therapy, and looking at my options, but does anyone have any idea about how to actually make a switch that works? Whatever your sector, I'd love to hear from people who found a new way to manage their work and life in their forties and beyond. I just feel so trapped and miserable.

Bump!

(Maybe I should ask mods to move this into the 'work' channel?)

Can you take a break, just for a few months to allow you to reset yourself?

Go off sick and take a complete break if you’d be able to cope on Statutory Sick Pay or maybe go part time for a few months if you won’t be paid sick pay and part time work would bring in enough money.

I see stories about people changing their career totally but haven’t figured out how to make this work. A break did help though, so I could focus on wellbeing and health. Then return to the old job refreshed and recharged.

You haven’t mentioned how you’re dealing with the peri symptoms. This will be making this stage of life harder. Are you taking any HRT? Not the magic answer for everyone but definitely helps lots of women with that feeling of desperately wanting to escape from life as we know it.

Unfortunately I can't go off on statutory as my income pays 40% of the bills and mortgage. We can't really reduce our bills any further. We only go on one 4 day holiday a year and lots of our money goes on things like occupational therapy for my DD with SEND. Everything is so expensive it makes me feel trapped. I do have ill health protection but it only kicks in if I'm signed off for six weeks. Since there's actually nothign wrong with me other than being pissed off and demotivated, there's no way I will meet the bar the insurers set to actually get that.

Not on HRT yet as waiting for a gynae op and been warned that oestrogen will make my pain much worse (I think this is true, i feel better physically on a double dose of progresterone - but that is hitting my mental health too probably).

If you look around your industry, what are the options for someone at your level?

you say working 'in house' would be better - are there jobs you could apply for? or does that not work with childcare?

are there any mentorship programs that you could look out for that might give you new ideas?

if you are earning less, does that mean you are working less hours and might have a bit of slack to look into roles in other areas?

It does feel like getting a proper job again might be the answer - it would be clear structure, regular income, dropping the hustle. But the reality is it would mean lots of extra childcare fees for afterschool hours so it would need to pay well. And at the moment there aren't many opportunities. I think in hindsight I probably made a mistake becoming self employed, though it has had many benefits.

I think what I would really like to do is completely change the area I work in. I have a couple of possible ideas but both would require a year's full time study to retrain then dropping income to go down the seniority ladder again. And with the kids extra (expensive!) needs that's really hard for me to do.

Maybe it is mainly peri doing a 'revisit your whole life' number on me?

RE: Mentoring schemes - the few available are all aimed at people much younger than me and with less experience eg max 10 years. I've been involved in this industry for almost a quarter century now (scary to think about). Also it's aimed at people relentlessly climbing the ladder whereas I peaked in my seniority aged 34-39 and things have dipped post kids. I did have a brilliant convo with a coach at a networking event in the summer, but it really only helped me crystalise what I was finding frustrating rather than pointing me towards a solution.

Maybe I should try to find an appropriate career coach to chat through my options?

Your main stumbling block is the fact that you can't afford to retrain. I retrained as an OT in my (very!) late 30s and I was worried about leaving my career for a smaller pay and student loan; however, 5 years on I have no regrets and because of my extensive management experience, I easily went up several bands in the first 9 months since graduating. It's never going to be amazing money but I do love my job and it gives me a lot of flexibility.
Having structure and stable income also means that I have more mental energy to run my creative business alongside my main job and only work on projects I find interesting rather than endlessly hunt down clients to pay my bills.

Do you have transferable skills to be able to apply for jobs in different sectors? Like if you are a copywriter can you apply for marketing jobs? Although with AI and the dreadful job market not sure how realistic that is

Can you say what you do so people can give more specific advice?

Yes, and you’re not far off here. But obviously the state of the recruitment market is hell. I went for a PT job recently that I thought I would easily be shortlisted for (I even had a chat with the hiring manager beforehand and I loosely knew them already so reached out) but I didn’t make the interview list. I did get a nice email saying I was close. But it has deflated me a little as it felt like a manageable sidestep/transition.

I guess I may be able to afford to retrain when the kids are a little older but by then it feels like it would be too late maybe