Taking kids away from home for Christmas

[wiredandtired]

I have a toddler and we live a 3 hour drive from DH's family and a 5 hour drive from mine, so Christmas is a bit of a mission.

Last year we got an airbnb near my parents' place and everyone came to us at some point over the week we were there. It was nice, but expensive, and a lot of hosting for us.

My parents are not good travelers, and staying in a rented place near us would cause stress and also mean they wouldn't see my siblings and other family, so although an option it's not ideal. We also wouldn't have a big room to have Christmas dinner in so would end up in a restaurant.

DH's parents would be happy to come to us, but same issue re accommodation and food.

We live in an expensive part of the country and can't afford a big house here.

I'm just interested to hear what people in a similar situation do at Christmas? Do you take your kids around visiting family? Or do you just sod it and stay home?

AIBU to say we just stay at home and see family another time? It's not really what I want but the traveling is so overwhelming and as he gets older he will just want to be home with his toys?

It’s absolutely fine to say you are staying home. Visit before or after.

We are 3 hours from my in-laws and half an hour from mine. We visit the in-laws and they come to us all year round. Each year we mix it up sometimes they have other family go to them and we have it by ourselves. Sometimes we go to them or they come to us. As we are the closest to them we let them choose if they want to see the other siblings first as they live worldwide.

People really do tie themselves in knots over Christmas logistics. We just visit family before or after Christmas and spend the day at home.

When ours got beyond being babies we said we were staying at home and either people can come to us or we will see them in December or January. We wanted our DC to enjoy Christmas in their own homes plus managing Father Christmas becomes harder if you’re packing a car with presents.

My parents moved hours away and we don’t see them at Christmas anymore. I don’t get that much time off and don’t want to spend two days of it (one day there, one day back) travelling.
We invited them to stay with us but they didn’t want to.

My family live about an hour and a half away.

To avoid spending Christmas day sitting in the car when they were little, we used to go and stay with then for a few days.

It actually used to be lovely. We would stay with cousins, who are close in age and they would have a big sleepover and open presents together. But we could actually stay in their house ...not sure I'd want the expense of renting air b and b

If you don't want to stay over, then don't. Agree to see family different days to celebrate...we have also had fake Christmas very often as me and dh both ised to work jobs that required Christmas day working

It is one day a year people get so caught up in.
Please your family bot everyone else.
Best part of christmas is the time after its all over catching up.

There comes a time where you have to adjust your plans to fit your family and not just extended family.

around a child turning 3 is usually when that happens because they start to understand and also they get toys they need putting up and playing with that needs to be done at home.

Id visit one set early December and the other set late January. Spend Xmas at home as a nuclear family.

The problems - imo - don’t arise from not spending Xmas with extended family - they arise when effort isn’t made all year round.

Having Christmas with PIL was never an option as we couldn't afford the cost of flights. Bugger going into debt over one of the year.

We always had New Year with my parents (two hours away) but generally we stayed at home over Christmas if dh wasn't working as we enjoyed having a quiet Christmas. If dh was working, DD and I would travel to my parents after breakfast on Christmas day.

When I had younger DC, we always went to my DPs as they had a huge house and whoever wanted would go for Christmas - often well over twenty people for Christmas dinner. It meant my DC and their cousins grew up together. My DC come to me often for Christmas, but there’s no three line whip. If they choose to stay at home from Christmas, they’ll come over before or after. It wouldn’t feel like Christmas if I didn’t see them at some point - as happened in lockdown.

Exactly this. The grandparents issues with travelling etc are their to solve. Im assuming if you have young children they aren't in their 80s or 90s. Alternatively, once every 3 years or whatever, you jointly hire a house big enough for everyone but costs are split and hosting is shared out with different people responsible for different days.

Hi OP! 👋
I am in the camp of, you make your own new traditions with your new family. 💯 🎄 🎅

We visit family either before Xmas day, or after. The xmas period/day is for our own little family, in our own home.
My MIL was always fine with it, but my mum was always unhappy and wanted more (to dominate Xmas) especially when our ds arrived, yet we put our foot down! 😉
As it all came at great expense and hassle to have one set of ILs one year and another set of ILs the next year.
So we thought sod it, xmas day meal is just us.
Now if people wish to visit us, then fair enough, but as for xmas dinner itself, I am not hosting anyone, as myself, DH and our DS go out for xmas dinner to our favourite restaurant (birthday is on xmas).
We stuck to it and it works for us, and have zero regrets.
Make your own traditions OP.
Best of luck OP. 🫂

ETA. I love your username, that is actually one of my fave sayings at work 😆
@wiredandtired

For a number of years now we’ve spent Christmas Day at our house, and my Mum comes to stay for around a week. She loves spending that build up to Christmas with her grand children and they love having her around. She lives 3 hours away so it’s not like we see her weekly or even monthly.

We then drive to in laws on Boxing Day for about 3 days. We have a big family meal on that day, SIL and all the cousins also stay and the kids love getting that time together.

For many years I asked DH if he wanted to invite his parents to ours for Christmas, partly to give his Mum a break from hosting. But he insists they would say no.

We’re very aware that travelling around at Christmas will be a short term issue and our parents won’t be around for ever so it’s important to us that we get some decent time with them over the holidays and none are local to us.

Respectfully, it's easy to say this if all of your family on both sides don't live miles away, and also miles away from each other. I'm not "tying myself in knots" - the logistics are hard.

We can't "just spend the day at home", because home is the best part of a day's drive away from anyone else we would want to see. This is the whole point of the thread. Being home on Christmas day would basically mean sacrificing seeing one side of the family, because two big trips away is a LOT for a child.

I'm not talking about an hour and a half. You can do that and back in a day. My partner's family are a 3.5 hour drive, mine a 5 hour drive (without breaks). With a toddler, each of those trips take the best part of a day.

Our family live miles away (in-laws 2 hours and my family 5 hours). We spend Christmas Day at home and do a big road trip over about 4 days to visit everyone else. If they lived in opposite directions we’d do one before and one after (the in-laws are kind of on the way to my family).

We stopped travelling Christmas Day when the kids understood Christmas as it meant they opened their presents and then had to leave them at home.

With the distances I would set up a three year rotation.

Y1. Home
Y2. ILS
Y3. Your family

or whatever suits you.

We invite my parents fora few days until Xmas day. (They stay with us) then we go to in-laws on Boxing Day for a few nights.

It sounds like your parents would be perfectly happy at home with the rest of your family.

I would start staying at home and creating your own Christmas there. Dh’s parents could be invited and they will have to sort out their own accommodation arrangements if they can’t fit in your house. We always just make do with squashing in for the dinner.

We have never gone out on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. That’s two days exclusively for our little family of 4.
Day before Christmas Eve belongs to my in-laws and Boxing Day is my mums. Then we spend New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day at my in-laws.
Why can’t you just stay home?