to think that DP should pick DS up from nursery earlier, I really don't know

[funlovingcriminal]

This is a cause of big problems in our household at the moment so would appreciate advice.

DS is 14 months, this year we have been sharing childcare..DP works mornings, me afternoons we haven't had any probs regarding childcare. We have both had to reduce hours to do this but has been fine.

Next year I want to study,for our future etc.We have decided that DS will have to go to nursery to make this possible. DP is very happy with new timetable (he's not an ambitioius type)and has said that he will pick DS up from nursery about 2 hours after he finishes work because he also needs time to do his things.

Here is the problem. If it were me I would finish work and run to pick DS up. He says that I will have all the morning for me time (studying!) and it's only fair that he has a bit of time for himself in the afternoon. He has also implied that he needs it for his sanity and he'll be much better with DS if he's had some time alone to do his million geeky habits!

This is probably going to happen anyway but I just feel angry that he doesn't want to run and pick DS up. AIBU to feel like this is he BU. I honestly don't know and would love some opinions.

Thanks

Spain!

Both are paid very badly compared to UK. Just different standard of living.

I like them both too LEM

I really should be getting on with some work

Could you not get an au pair? Or a part-time nanny or something?

Then he could have 'me-time' and DS could be home, plus when you were at home studying he could still be there.

Maybe you'd be happier with that arrangement if you thought the childcare was good quality?

What everyone is saying about studying purely being investment in the adult and the child not seeing it can be rubbish IMO.

I have no qualifications, as such to get a job with a decent wage, enough to help support my family, I would have to work long hours away from home.

Instead I plan on starting my english degree in october and by the time my youngest (12 weeks) is at school I shall be a qualified teacher which will benefit the family much more than every minute of every day over the next 4 years being spent with DS2.

VS-we have been thinking about nanny option although very expensive unless they're illegal.

How are you studying with a young baby? Are you studying from home?

Yes, open university.

I'll also have DS1(3) at home in the afternoons, although it's hard to study at home with a child it's not impossible to do it without childcare.

I went to a night course a college when DD was 4 and pregnant with DS1 until he was about 6 months old.
I co-ordinated naps with study time and even 4am feeds with reading for revision!

Maybe if you only used childcare for the really essential parts, then DP would be happy to?

Yes, so much to think about and discuss with DP.

At first this thread made me think I was being U but now I'm so much more confused. I know there's no wrong or right, it's just what's best for the people involved at the time but it's hard when you don't see eye to eye. Good for me to read opinions tho'.

I actually think 10 hours of "me time" per week (expecially during the "working" week) is a completely ridiculous expectation. Fair enough an hour or two, or a toddler's nap times, but 10 hours not working dossing about on computer games or whatever he wants to do, I think it's selfish. He'll have all the time in the world for his geeky hobbies when your children have grown a little older. At the very least he should be using that spare time to keep the house running. All my opinion though. And I personally see studying in the same category as going out to work, even though you aren't earning during those hours.

What about an au pair though? That could give your DS the consistency he needs meaning all the change overs in his care are easier, also much more flexible than a nursery.

funlovingcriminal - yes, it's about negotiation and compromise around everyone's needs, right now and in the future. It's complicated

For me, it would depend on what your were studying and how likely it would lead to a better job. If its a course you are interested in but may not lead to a better paid job, then your OH is not unreasonable to also want some time. If the study leads to a guaranteed better job that will enhance all your lives then you are not being that unreasonable.

I rush to pick up DS and dont use the after school club if I'm home so I can see how you feel.