AIBU to hate Christmas?

[AylesBuck]

That's it. I've reached the point where I just can't bear the thought of Christmas anymore. We're only in October and I'm already stressing about hosting, logistics, shopping, cooking, the lot.
I've been saying for years that I don't want to do it anymore. All our family lives overseas, so Christmas always means either travelling to them or having them come to us. Mostly they come to us. Either way, it all falls on me, and I'm done.
So this year I've told the family I'm not hosting and I'm not travelling either.
Not sure if it's perimenopause, middle age or just years of Christmas fatigue, but I can't stand the whole thing anymore. The endless consumption, buying stuff, eating too much, travelling, organising everything. I just don't get it anymore, especially when it's making me miserable.
I can't stand buying stuff for the sake of stuff. I can't eat anything more than a carrot now without getting indigestion. I can't bear the thought of being stuck in a house full of people for days on end. Just thinking about it makes me feel claustrophobic.
It just doesn't work for me anymore. I don't want presents, elaborate meals, guests or a packed schedule. I just want a few days to chill, do absolutely nothing and not feel under pressure to make Christmas magical for everyone else.
AIBU? Has anyone else reached this point, or am I turning into the Grinch?

I know of many women over the years who stopped doing it all.
There was disappointment, but not enough to offer to take over it.

I have some friends who have sadness over spending their childrens Santa years doing everything rather that enjoying the magic with them.

My husband grew up with a huge family gathering in one house and he and his brother did all the wash up.
He hated it.

He never wanted to go anywhere but home when we married and that suited me.
So we definitely have had 30 years of chilli pyjamas day Christmas where they played with their toys.
I do less and less each year and we still enjoy it.
I cannot imagine the stress of a huge solo host.
Too much on one person.

Yanbu OP.

Why don’t you just say no to all the shite? Do your own thing. It doesn’t have to be awful. Stay home with yourselves, have a quiet Xmas. Let everyone else sort themselves out. I don’t know why it has to be so bad if you do it your way.

It’s really hard to do that though because everyone else doesn’t.

We always have to host, MIL is widowed and my husband is an only child. My mum has dementia and my brother cares for her, it helps him have a break. This year though I have told them I’m sick of doing all the work and then not being able to sit in my living room as we have a small living room with a small sofa. This year it will be a frozen turkey, frozen spuds, and anything else I don’t actually have to cook. Don’t like it, then you don’t have to come.

Would your parents be up for travelling to you for a few days but staying in a hotel instead of with you? And you can meet up in a pub or have them over for a cuppa or a relaxed lunch but you still have your house to yourself without guests staying over. You can go to Christmas markets together or to the cinema or whatever you want to do really but without any of the insane “Christmassy” preparations etc

The state of chocolate has the advantage of putting me off eating it. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a bar of chocolate and I used to be a total addict. I'm grateful it's shit now.

It’s a bit difficult the first couple Christmases you start doing it your way, but it’s so great that it’s worth it. And after a couple times it’s just completely normal and nobody feels weird at all anymore. At least that was my experience. For the past 14 years it’s been just me, my partner, and the cat and it’s bliss. She loves decorating the Christmas tree and she loves looking at the twinkling lights and it’s just ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I can't stand buying stuff for the sake of stuff.

This with knobs on - it is sick! So much of it unwanted and stashed in a drawer for the next raffle.

I love getting together with family - I live alone so it is a joy for me. But the buy, buy, but element is nauseating. And the demands from spoiled children with their lists of expensive stuff are unacceptable.

Get together, share a feast, give small gifts - all fine.

It is crazy that what is supposed to be a happy family festival becomes a stressful time for so many, especially those on benefits.

It is hard and people get upset - sometimes that upset seems to go on for years - like dropping the Christmas card sending - that was mentioned for about 5 years by friends who really did not approve and kept giving me a card delivered with a dig. In the end they shut up, it's all so silly.

I hate Christmas.
Massive expectation on me to deliver. Very rarely get any payback. Turnoffs “thanks”.
Mow with added brass-banding teens who need lifts to at least one performance a Friday/Saturday/Sunday from the middle of Nov onwards.

I agree it's hard initially - I got a lot of bite back - from surprising places but I stuck to my guns and it was worth it. The weirdest one was my sister who live in Australia used to send my kids the shittest gifts - a piece of rubbish really, was she trying to save on postage? I don't know - it certainly seemed like she didn't care very much - so when I suggested we stopped sending gifts around the world she was very upset with me, and I definitely was not expecting that - not once had those kids sent me a thank you - or talked about how much they liked the present - it seems they just liked that moment when the postman arrived with gifts from overseas. The gift itself and who sent it didn't matter. I'm so glad I stopped.

Why do you need to ask. You know it's not unreasonable to hate Christmas.

I’ve lost enthusiasm for Christmas, starting from 2020 really. That year we had to isolate over Xmas as my daughter was working in a hospital and got a positive Covid test on Xmas day so nobody could come over and we couldn’t go out. Then her sister got it.

2021 - dad was in a lot of pain and couldn’t get into the car (lives 2 hours from us). My brother had to go down and take him to hospital. Was diagnosed with cancer in the new year.

2022- dad was in hospital Xmas day with a chest infection. Came out Boxing Day, following day mum went into hospital and died just after new year.

In the meantime, my youngest child outgrew xmas (late teens) and so we have never really had a proper magical xmas since 2019!

I doubt Xmas will be the same again unless grandchildren come along at some point. In the meantime it still ends up me doing the organising for food etc as everyone does come over for Xmas at some point although often the older children need to work or spend time at partners family too.

Your only free of it for 9 months really as it starts to ramp up in September .

I thought I had toned Christmas down already by cooking less, buying less etc. But still I told the family I’d rather not host this year but would travel to them instead, which would shorten the gathering to four days. Then I checked the tickets… thousands of pounds!
I just can’t do it anymore. We also have our oldest starting uni soon, so I really can’t justify spending that much money on travel, followed by ridiculous amounts of overpriced Christmas food that we could perfectly well afford at any other time of the year.
I’d love to do something with DH and the DCs, but something very relaxed.
As for my parents coming to us, they don’t normally visit for just a couple of days. It’s at least ten days, and as they don’t speak English, staying in a hotel isn’t really an option. So on top of organising activities, food shopping and preparing meals, I have to be switched on all the time, chatting to them, keeping them entertained, etc.
And I genuinely wouldn’t mind doing all that at another time of year, when places are open and there’s more to do. But at Christmas, it just feels exhausting.
And as someone mentioned earlier, I’m definitely reaping what I sowed! I started doing all this when my children were little, to give them that magical Christmas, but somehow it turned into a yearly expectation that I now feel obliged to keep up.
I just don’t want to be miserable around Christmas anymore. But yes, there’s the guilt too, and I suppose that’s something I’ll have to learn to let go of.

I love that film 🩷

It sounds as though you would prefer just to be in your own home OP. You could let people know that you will be at home. You could always meet up another day. Let the people know you are not doing presents and don't want to get any so they can just get on with their preferred way of celebrating.

I don’t mind the day itself but the thought of all the present buying fills me with dread every year. Just relocated 250 miles and fed up buying stuff for new house, nearly done and christmas shopping will begin!

Christmas stressed me out so badly last year, I ended up in hospital with atrial fibrillation, and I've been on medication ever since.
I had fallen into a 20 year long trap of hosting the extended families for the whole of Christmas Day and Boxing Day. People who were quite happy to just sit there, and be fed and watered for free.

Never again. It's not worth making yourself ill for.

Well I love Christmas now. I am writing lists as we speak.

Packing lists that is, as we will be away in Southern Spain from 10/12 until 7th January.

I was the ever present host while parents were alive, those were great Christmases as parents were a hoot and we all had great times.

The Christmas after both had died, we went away. Couldn't face it without them TBH. This way it is enjoyable again, without the commercialism and bullshit at home. Lucky that we can do it since both retired now and no children in the picture.

I think you have to do whatever you are in a position to do to make it easy on yourself. There are no prizes for martyrs.

Don't do it then.
Nobody needs to exchange presents. If you want to buy anyone a gift you can do it at any time of the year

if only it was that easy. I can hardly not buy my own children nothing.

But great for those of us whose birthday falls on December 25th. 3 years of not having to give others presents on our birthday ( nobody ever buys us gifts on their birthday), not having to eat the same thing every year and the real delight, being able to book a table for 2 and have a really posh meal.

Where do I sign up?

The problem with all the people saying opt out, do it your way, just don't buy presents or host people, or do anything festive - none of us exist in a vacuum. OP says that her family arrive from overseas. It's a different matter if you have no kids, no siblings, no extended family and that means that yes, you can just sit in your pyjamas with Netflix and a supermarket pizza.

But the rest of us have to take account of others' preferences and wishes. There are 5 of us in this house, we'll be 6 at Christmas with the addition of my mother. The other 5 people want the tree and the decorations and the presents and the rest of it so it's really unfair of me to say I am not doing any of that.

However, I am cutting present buying to a minimum and listen to podcasts in the car rather than awful radio playing sodding Slade from 1 November onwards.

I feel like I’ve seen behind the curtain at what is now an excuse to make the wealthy richer selling “ must have landfill” to people who can’t
really afford it’s crazy how many x presents end up in raffles and charity shops after the anti climax of Christmas Day.
I hate there is no public transport and the TV is shite with “ specials” I heave a sigh of relief when we enter January.
Im sure if you have a fully functioning family, a fairness of load sharing and the means to purchase all the “ good things” in life then it must be better.
BUT we don all live in baronial halls, not all families get on and now Halloween runs into Christmas and Christmas runs into Valentines Day/ Easter then I’m giving Home Bargains and it’s ilk the swerve….