AIBU to hate Christmas?

[AylesBuck]

That's it. I've reached the point where I just can't bear the thought of Christmas anymore. We're only in October and I'm already stressing about hosting, logistics, shopping, cooking, the lot.
I've been saying for years that I don't want to do it anymore. All our family lives overseas, so Christmas always means either travelling to them or having them come to us. Mostly they come to us. Either way, it all falls on me, and I'm done.
So this year I've told the family I'm not hosting and I'm not travelling either.
Not sure if it's perimenopause, middle age or just years of Christmas fatigue, but I can't stand the whole thing anymore. The endless consumption, buying stuff, eating too much, travelling, organising everything. I just don't get it anymore, especially when it's making me miserable.
I can't stand buying stuff for the sake of stuff. I can't eat anything more than a carrot now without getting indigestion. I can't bear the thought of being stuck in a house full of people for days on end. Just thinking about it makes me feel claustrophobic.
It just doesn't work for me anymore. I don't want presents, elaborate meals, guests or a packed schedule. I just want a few days to chill, do absolutely nothing and not feel under pressure to make Christmas magical for everyone else.
AIBU? Has anyone else reached this point, or am I turning into the Grinch?

When I was a child and worked out my mum and dad bought my presents it made absolutely no difference to how special it was. A pile of presents is a pile of presents and unlimited Quality Streets (when they were nice) is great wherever they have come from.

And my DH has always cooked the dinner. I just sit around with a few gins and relax! Love Christmas!

Now you can have fun thinking about exactly what you do want

E.g.
Christmas catered by M&S/your local curry house
Curling up in front of the TV to watch films or a great series
Reading a book with your favourite tipple and snacks
A lovely wintery walk somewhere scenic
A cosy afternoon or evening in your favourite pub
A carol service

Whatever you fancy!

YANBU. This is a realisation I came to several years ago. It was helped by my DM saying very bluntly one year when the kids were little 'I'm fed up doing Christmas. I've been doing it for 40 years and I don't want to do it anymore'. So we no longer visit them, I take the kids round to see their GPs and deliver presents the weekend before and we have a quiet Christmas at home, just the four of us, and I love it! ILs live abroad, so we don't have to see them either.

Totally off topic, but I miss the old tin of proper Quality Street! They really don’t taste nice now.

I opted out decades ago in my 20s. No cards, gifts, overspending, overindulgence, or buying imported Chinese crap that goes straight to the back of a cupboard or to landfill. I opt out for my own sanity and happiness and those who know me and love me have no issue with it.

I feel the same! I’m indulging it for the sake of my children but I CBA. I’d rather disappear somewhere sunny and forget the whole thing. Sending love as you navigate the endless Christmas nonsense over the next couple of months x

OP, give yourself permission to completely dial down Christmas.

Then think about how to make that happen. Can you all agree to do secret Santa so you each buy one present rather than everyone buying for everyone else? Or buy presents for children only, and not too expensive?

If you do the elf / Christmas Eve boxes etc then just stop.

Can family stay with you for one night and in a hotel for the rest of the time? Or you travel to them and stay in a hotel?

Food can definitely be made simpler. Buy some of it.

Not travelling or hosting a big family Christmas I can understand. I have a DD in exam years and one at uni. It’s a stressful time with prelims, deadlines and upcoming January exams but both would miss the ‘magic of Christmas’, I find it lets them de stress a little and enjoy lightening their load. Are you planning to do a Christmas for them?

But what do you do about the children? Me and DH essentially opted out when I was in my 20s/early 30s. That was easy to do when I wasn’t “mum”. Now there are two generations of expectation either side of me. It’s total BS and I’m giving it up as soon as my kids are old enough (eg teens)

As your family are overseas I can see why you all getting together annually would be a really good thing. Choosing Xmas to do that is a terrible idea.

Flights are more expensive. It can go on longer than a long weekend, especially if people want to include new year. Everyone is spending money on all sorts of events on the run up to Christmas and fitting in visiting family and friends who won’t be joining the main event. Buying presents for people outside the family. It’s got to be the most stressful if not most expensive event of the year.

If you have an open conversation with your family about it and suggest starting a family gathering tradition at a different time in the year, you might find, once the pressure of “but it’s Christmas “ is set aside, they might agree.

I don’t know if it’s ageing and changing taste buds or just the enshittification of everything, but all commercial chocolate is now awful. I only eat the posh dark stuff eg with sea salt or chilli or whatever now.

I stopped "doing" Christmas in 2020. The only reason I kept it up after DD moved out was because my parents absolutely loved the whole Christmas vibe. DD lives 4 hours away and works the majority of the Christmas break so we have ours in January when she has A/L. It's great, all of the fun stuff with zero stress.

Single. No kids.

For ten years have dressed the house up like Home Alone inside and out but never had the super social Christmas season I had in heart - friends have their own families and inlaws and kids friends etc. People have also become so flakey in general since 2020.

Now I don't bother. Giving all my decs away gradually. This year I wont do more than put a wreath up.

I bet this year is the year that I end up with people in my house all month 🤣

I can't stand it either OP. I really like Autumn and quite enjoy Halloween, but I'm aware that as of next week there will be NO ESCAPE from Christmas. It starts FAR too early, it's everywhere, it's relentless, it's the most over hyped thing in the whole world. It's the same old shit every year. I opt out of the madness as much as possible - presents for niece and nephew only, no cards, no tat, a few decorations at home, some nice food and drink - but it's impossible to ignore the nonsense

January feels like lying in a warm bath in candlelight after 2 months of being screamed at by Christmas 😁

Me too! My childhood Christmas memories are shiny quality street wrappers, birds trifle (hated the custard part but treats were fewer and further between in the 70s so we took what we could get), endless sausage rolls and mince pies coming out of the oven.

I also don't enjoy it, mostly because it means having multiple family members to stay for over a week and I end up feeling totally on edge and annoyed by everyone and not being able to relax in my own home. But I just suck it up because they're old, and I wouldn't enjoy it any more if I told them not to come, because I'd feel guilty.

I ignore aaallll the nonsense!

We just do the bits we love. We’ve honed it over the years and it’s just lovely now.

But we really don’t have obligations like the poor OP and I’m very very happy about that.

I enjoy Christmas from about 15th December to 29th December. The rest of it can eff off!

I'm the sort of person who does most of the food shopping in the shops usually, but from now until it's all over I'll be doing it online so I don't get annoyed by all the giant stacks of chocolate and booze confronting me before I even get to the first aisle.

Completely agree

I think christmas is a load of nonsense

i hate how it goes on for weeks abd weeks

january is my favourite month

I love Halloween - got my pumpkin and 6 big bags of sweets - it's busy where we live and so lovely - nice families and kids - excited and polite.
Whilst everyone is hating on January - I am feeling peaceful, retreat-like, alcohol-free vibes but by February I need the sun back - so that's our main holiday now - somewhere lovely and warm for a few weeks whilst we wait on spring to arrive.

Agree. The chocolate tastes shit and there’s way too much of it. I’ve perfected a couple of quick cake and brownie recipes and make those now and just decorate them with stars or whatever. Much more tasty and I feel virtuous whilst scoffing cake)

I love Christmas, but I also like myself. Family abroad, so we do 1 year home, just dh and I and 1 year travel (either us or them). It's great balance. Everyone is happy

I hate it too. People start talking about it in late august on mumsnet. The adverts and the Christmas themed films and everything on tv is just horrible. Months of it. Christmas music is the absolute worst. It’s difficult to listen to the radio in December. The best Christmas I ever had was when I just said no to everything and went to Spain. It was actually really nice over there as it was so much more low key and much more enjoyable. It wasn’t forced. It just felt relaxed.

I would probably enjoy Christmas if all signs of it were only in December, but the fact it’s only October now, and it’s already Christmas fest everywhere and chaos is why I hate it so much. Can’t we just enjoy autumn ffs.

Who actually comes to yours?
If it’s just your parents then I’d personally still invite them but say you’re just getting a takeaway or not having a roast etc.

Why doesn’t DH cook?