AIBU to hate Christmas?

[AylesBuck]

That's it. I've reached the point where I just can't bear the thought of Christmas anymore. We're only in October and I'm already stressing about hosting, logistics, shopping, cooking, the lot.
I've been saying for years that I don't want to do it anymore. All our family lives overseas, so Christmas always means either travelling to them or having them come to us. Mostly they come to us. Either way, it all falls on me, and I'm done.
So this year I've told the family I'm not hosting and I'm not travelling either.
Not sure if it's perimenopause, middle age or just years of Christmas fatigue, but I can't stand the whole thing anymore. The endless consumption, buying stuff, eating too much, travelling, organising everything. I just don't get it anymore, especially when it's making me miserable.
I can't stand buying stuff for the sake of stuff. I can't eat anything more than a carrot now without getting indigestion. I can't bear the thought of being stuck in a house full of people for days on end. Just thinking about it makes me feel claustrophobic.
It just doesn't work for me anymore. I don't want presents, elaborate meals, guests or a packed schedule. I just want a few days to chill, do absolutely nothing and not feel under pressure to make Christmas magical for everyone else.
AIBU? Has anyone else reached this point, or am I turning into the Grinch?

Yanbu.

Agree with this 😊 Chocolate for breakfast and a couple of presents wrapped up. Bliss!

Thank you all for the supportive replies. I suspected I wasn’t alone!
For those who asked how my family reacted, well, they were surprised but basically said, “Up to you.”
Sadly, my parents don’t really have anyone else, but honestly, I can’t keep carrying everyone anymore. I know they’ll be disappointed, especially my mum, who loves big family gatherings and Christmas.
My children are teenagers now, both in exam years, one doing GCSEs and the other A levels. So there are no little children who will miss out on the magic of Christmas.
I’ve been doing this for long enough, and I feel that if someone has to be disappointed, it can’t always be me. I’m so tired of it all that I know I’d end up moody and snappy anyway, which isn’t exactly the Christmas spirit!

Grumpy Old Women at Christmas - youtube, its in 6 parts!
A couple of the ladies are no longer with us and it is a few
years old, but the sentiments are still valid !

Where in the rule book does it say family need to come to you or you need to travel to them, it doesn’t, that is a routine that has existed, this routine no longer serves you. Just stop and say we are having Christmas on our own this year and stick to it. Enjoy your Christmas how you want it to be.

So let them be disappointed.
They're grown ups.
If they want something done, they can sort it out.

If they say anything, because you couldn't be fucking bothered to make.... homemade personalised crackers or whatever.... say "marvellous, thanks for volunteering to do that next year, I look forward to it"

Absolutely! Dh and I go away to a coastal cottage for a week. See adult dd the week.before Xmas.
I only buy for 2 people. No decorations or traditional Xmas food.
Just a relaxing time eating what we want, walking, reading, netflix

I also decided a few years ago to step back. Luckily our kids are in their 40s, all married, happy and financial comfortable. There are no grandchildren nor will there ever be.
For us, it's a limit of £35 this year on a small gift or if they prefer a charity donation.

Pre drinks at the local, everyone brings a dish lunch and then we collapse and watch The Griswalds Family Christmas....yes every year.
For me, Christmas starts at the midnight Mass, where we recognise and rejoice in the real reason for Christmas. It ends at boxing day.
I just cannot cope anymore and oddly enough neither do the "kids".

Well done. It’s so frustrating reading threads this time of year from women martyring themselves hosting or travelling when they don’t want to.

I hope you have a great Christmas.

I have gone full grinch about the actual day too. Which is problematic as my kids are only 6 and 9 so I’m stuck with it for a decade I reckon.

I like the run up and the decorations etc but I now absolutely loathe the amount of presents and how much hard work and cost (that we can’t afford) it comes with. Every year I say I’m going to dial it down and every year another family member manages to ramp it all up again.

DH is working this year so it’s all on me yet again.

No I love it. It's the one break during the year when emails and tasks will not be piling up while I'm away as everyone else is off too. We don't have people staying over though and all family are close by.

I mostly ignore it but have a lovely day.

Just DH & I, we usually enjoy a couple of hours' hiking in the morning, eat a lovely big roast at the pub, then plant ourselves on the sofa with cheese & biscuits and our favourite movie of the year in the evening, whatever that was. (This year, Hail Mary!)

I did that twice when my DC were younger, it was so good, I have no regrets. It was £100 each around 17 years ago.

I bet you will have a wonderful time with your teens. I actually can’t wait till my DDs are this age and we can just do what we want at home decided by just us.

Well done and I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

DH and I used to go to his family for Christmas and it wasn't really enjoyable, then we started going away, or even "going away" and just hiding out in the house, and Christmas is wonderful now.

I reached this point quite a few years ago. Every year I cut back some more till I reached a point where I was happy with my contribution. I invited others to take over if they weren’t happy - no one took me up on that offer!

I highly recommend it!

That’s rubbish for little ones.

How old is your DS? I thought my eldest would realise by this year but apparently not yet. Still got to keep it going for the younger anyway so it’s quite useful

YANBU. I feel the same and am astonished at the amount of people who get really cross when I say I don’t enjoy Christmas.

I work with a woman whose reason for living is to host Christmas. She spends £££s every year. She’s totally bought into every ‘tradition’ that’s been created. I find it obscene.

I keep it very quiet and low key. No running around. No light shows, grottos or visiting far-flung relatives. And definitely no endless gift buying. I only buy for DD. It’s one day! A nice meal, a few treats, done.

Your post should be compulsory reading for all women embarking on their first family Christmas. Because what you sow in your enthusiastic make it magical years is what you'll be reaping for decades to come. And it's the crop that not only returns year on year, but grows in its abundance and difficulty to get on top of.

I sent a message to everyone one August saying I’m not buying for anyone other than my immediate family and have never regretted it. Summer is a good time because no one is really bothered by Christmas then.

Good for you! I know a few women who’ve done this and not regretted it. No need for martyrdom.

I LOATHE Christmas. I am estranged from some people I love and it just triggers very sad thoughts, no matter how hard I try not to. Im also ND, and whilst I like small scale socialising I usually do one thing then have a few days at least to recover - with Christmas its expected to be spread over days. I hate that so much.

In my family its a xmas eve big do, then different people xmas morning, another for lunch, another for dinner, then another for boxing day. By the end Im an absolute wreck - and Im white knuckling cos of my buried sadness and grief.

I dont do any of the work now either and I still hate it.
One year I did refuse to do or see anyone and just pleased myself. Locked myself away for the three days, said I wanted no guests or call at all and I just pretended it wasnt even xmas. It worried and upset so many people I just felt so bad, so now I just do it. Through gritted teeth.

I never had that guilt! We have spent the last 30 years spending Christmas day at home on our own. We visit on other days throughout the Christmas period.