To ask for advice about getting your mojo back after a bad career experience?

[Thepeopleversuswork]

I am in a senior role in a company which is basically experiencing an agonisingly slow death. I have worked here for over a decade and its gone from being a job I loved to being an insanely dysfunctional place to work where most people are marking time.

Senior leadership are trying to manage people out one by one so there is constant low level bullying, crazy u-turns and strategy shifts all the time. The leaders are absent most of the time. I am technically in a senior position but actually treated like a junior and have no power (and am constantly being threatened with non specific “consequences”). The problem is mainly economic: the work we do serves a sector with significant economic challenges but it’s constantly presented to us as a result of us not working hard enough, but people work insane hours and several have become ill through burnout. They really need to do a redundancy program and put most of us out of our misery but are trying to whittle staff away by positioning them as incompetent.

Its shit but the consolation is that we’re in endgame mode and that at some point in the next 12 to 18 months I will be either managed out or made redundant, with some sort of payout.

My question is how do you get your self esteem back after working somewhere you are treated like shit for years. I’ve been applying for jobs constantly with no success so I think its highly unlikely I would find an equivalent role (and increasingly not sure I want one). I’m in my 50s with 30 years experience but I know there is more ageism now. And I don’t want to trade one toxic environment for another. But I don’t want to retire (and can’t afford to).

I’m doing a Masters degree and have some volunteering work which I am hoping will keep my hand in. But I have lost so much confidence after years of basically being told I am shit.

Wondering if others have positive stories of coming back from situations like this and what helped them bounce back? What does it take to reinvent yourself at this age?

About five years ago I decided to get out of a career track that I felt had really eaten me up - sucked away my energy and drained my personal life and wellbeing to an extent far out of proportion to its rewards. I was lucky enough to find a life coach with a lot of experience. I deliberately went for a woman who was a lot older than me and towards retirement herself so she was in a great position to help me reflect with maturity on a long-term picture (I know it is a field with... variable quality, and whilst I'm sure younger life coaches and men can be just as great, I was personally really drawn to a figure who could feel like a bit of a wise female mentor). We had just 3 sessions together but I found them transformational. It really helped me to consider what I'm good at and not good at; what I need to work on; what interests me at a deep level; what I actually wanted out of work and life. I think it would have been useful even if I'd wanted to stay on the same career path, as I think I'd made choices before that were driven by a sense of fear and a desire to 'rise rise rise' without actually getting in touch with what I really valued.

On a practical level I might not be of much help to you as in my case there was a government scheme I managed to get on that helped me to get the qualifications and experience I needed to work towards what I wanted long-term. It made retraining a lot less painful financially. I've been pretty lucky with the moves I've made but volunteering, networking, shadowing etc has all been so valuable.

I hope you find a way forward - it sounds like such a stressful situation. Oh and an edit to add: try making a list of good feedback you've received and things you are glad you've achieved or contributed and skills you have. Not a cv but a more personal list. It might feel cheesy and awkward at first but especially if it's a domcunet you keep adding to and reflecting on, it might help you to start chipping away at the low self-esteem and to gather the evidence you need to push back against the bullshit blame culture around you.

If your posts on MN offer even a tiny insight into what you have to offer in the real world, you have absolutely no need for a confidence crisis.
But, I get it. That sort of atmosphere is hard not to internalise. I suppose all you can do is reflect on your performance and the obstacles you're encountering and keep reminding yourself its not you.
The voluntary work is a good call. Totally different culture in the third sector ime. I went from a timid anxiety ridden 20 something who'd experienced SH in my former job, and been persuaded I was incompetent when I rejected it, to a confident young woman who knew my worth within 6 months. And I've gone from strength to strength. The money is poor though.

I'm midway though the comeback. I got managed out/bullied from a mid-level role while facing an innocent "but you said you wanted more responsibility" face on my CEO in every meeting. Not for no extra money, no more commission and being demoted at the end of it I didn't. Anyway... I took a battering to the point where I've taken a slight paycut in a low responsibility role while learning some new skills, but I made sure it wasn't too left-field (so, for example, a move from financial services to an accounts payable team). Once I've fixed my head a bit (which I think will be next year sometime) I'll look to get back onto the career ladder.

I'm in my 40s by the way, and when I took the last job 6 years ago I was retraining. I've passed all my exams so that should be a bonus for a future employer as the talent pool locally is quite small.

Edit - sorry this isn't just a me-story. I mean to say it's ok to move sideways or try something else for a bit, and look for good vibes. Just working somewhere that appreciates me has gone a long way.

I don't know really but following for tips!

Thank you that’s really interesting. I did see a life coach and she was quite helpful but I just didn’t really have the time to commit to it. What was the government scheme?

Thank you that is so kind

I would be very happy to move sideways if I could find the right role. I would like to move into the field I am studying in but its very much a young man’s game (with emphasis on the man) so I would expect to have to work unpaid for a period to get into it.

Good to hear encouraging stories though.

It was a now discontinued programme (Think Ahead - training for mental health social work, with all fees paid and a salary throughout). There is still a similar scheme for children's social work called Frontline, as well as Teach First for teaching and Unlocked for working in the prison system. Might not be for you at all, and it definitely hasn't been easy, but I found going into a scheme with structure and support was such an amazing contrast to my previous working life and gave me what felt like a wonderful new start.

I think you are doing all the right things - studying,. volunteering, persevering.

Keep focussing on looking after your well being too.

And see it as a time to observe and learn.

Once you are back in a healthy environment you will really realise it wasn't you it was them.

Being in a toxic organisation is intensely draining. But do feel the couple of years I spent clinging on and surviving also taught me a lot that I am grateful for

Thanks. I already know it's not me, it's them. In a way this is part of the problem because I have lost so much faith in the people who are supposed to be my leaders and mentors that I have total contempt for them.

It's hard to grow and learn in an environment where you don't have respect for the people in charge. I'm fine day to day because I don't internalise the madness, the criticism or the cruelty in order to survive it. I know it's not my fault.

It just means you're in a constant state of hypervigilance because the smallest mistake is used as a reason to threaten and belittle you: completely trivial human things which in a healthy organisation would be waved away become excuses for a hue and cry about whose fault it was. For example my internal emails are obsessively scrutinised by my big boss because she doesn't think I'm "authoritative" enough etc. She doesn't do anything day to day, never comes into the office and I can go for months without her actually doing any work but she finds time to criticise me when I send colleagues polite, respectful emails because she feels the tone isn't authoritative enough.

It becomes exhausting constantly staying alert to monitor against these things and the vigilance is a bit like being in an abusive relationship.

I know it will end eventually. I just wish it had happened when I was younger.