To ask how I get comfortable with other’s discomfort

[mumandmumber]

When it comes to family, I am struggling as I often find myself stuck in the middle of different people’s wishes (eg DP and my DM & DB). And I’m noticing how much knowing I’ve not met their wishes/demands & meeting my own once in a while eats away at me.
I’m referring mainly to spending time together.

I’ve always been told & felt that I am very level headed, incredibly diplomatic, socially consciousness, good judge of character, good with people etc.

But, I do try to avoid conflict and have some people pleasing qualities, but when push comes to shove, I will stand up for myself, and am confident in myself to put my foot down. I wouldn’t say I’m a door matt. And I do do so with my family, but due to a lot of family trauma & stress recently, I’ve been indulging them all more as more time together and attention was needed.
Now I’m pulling back a little bit on that due to my own needs, I find I am constantly feeling guilty.
To be clear, noone has said anything to make me feel that way! But I am intuitive, and I know historically that there is beef around this issue.

We all live very close which is part of the problem.
They are absolutely fine if we have other concrete plans, or are away. But there is an expectation to do something every weekend together, and us just having a quiet weekend to ourselves is not understood well. Or wanting to keep a day or afternoon free for ourselves.
I get it - as they only have each other, whilst I have my own family and the only children in the family. So they want to see us and them, but its a lot of pressure and expectation.

I think you’re right!

So when you say that, for example, one of
your children has been invited to a party and the other child has a friend over - so you can’t see your parents (assuming it’s them) - what would they’re reaction be?